Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Dec 18, 2014)

"SPB"



What word has the letters "spb", next to each other, in that order?





Check Braingle.com for the answer.

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My ex wife (Holly Hosea) became involved with a corrupt San Diego policeman between….

My ex wife (Holly Hosea) became involved with a corrupt San Diego policeman between 2003 and 2004 or maybe even before that time. We were married for only 13 months when she accused me of marital rape. However, the charges were dropped by the DA because there was no physical evidence since her charges were false. Meanwhile, I was arrested and put in County Jail in the San Diego downtown facility for one day. This was a way for my ex wife to raid our public storage space down in San Ysidro, a part of San Diego, Ca. Furthermore, my ex also was able to successfully raid our community property bank account at the same day.

I filed a divorce against her and she was able to hide her assets w/o declaring her earnings or financial accounts to the Family Divorce Court. Here in lies another legal corruption of the legal system, institutional discrimination. Our judge never pursued her to declare her community property assets as I had to do. She was allowed to hide herself and her assets and go on her merry way. She has been hidden ever since. There is no statues of limitations regarding the division of community property.

My guess is that she has been residing with her corrupt San Diego Cop since our divorce took place and may even be with him today. I was her stepping stone for her to get to a higher income bracket a higher bidder.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1GRBcwB

European Comedy Tour Journal, Day Twenty: Zagreb

I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour.


Day: 20



Date: 15 November 2014



Destination: Zagreb



Subject: Daniel Sloss



12:00

We've arrived too early to check in to the hotel and have sat down for lunch, I ordered orange juice while Daniel ordered Lemonade, the waiter arrived with my freshly squeezed refreshing beverage and served Daniel with a tepid glass of dirty dish water, Daniel looks nonplussed.



12:15

I ordered the Tuna steak and Daniel ordered Turkey with dumplings, when the waiter arrived he served me with a delicious cutlet of grilled tuna fish, then presented my companion with a waterlogged plate of soggy dough that looked akin to something you'd expect to be shoved through the small hatch in the door of a Bolivian prison cell. Daniel looks broken.



12:16

Daniel has gone to bed.



13:00

I have ventured out alone into the heart of Zagreb, I have decided not to stray too far away from the hotel as my abilities regarding navigation are little to be admired, my aptitude in this capacity is so remarkably low, that I believe if the other regions of my brain that dealt with motor skills, logic, communication and such, operated at the same defective level, I'd be being fed, bathed and put to bed every day by a team of care workers.



13:15

I've taken a pew on a park bench where I have a clear view of the hotel, I like to sit and let a city's atmosphere wash over me, smell the air, listen to the buzz of social animation, watch the people flow, the eccentric young professionals cantering with ambition, the zealous pensioners walking their zimmers, absorbing the culture as it cultivates. My subject likes to enjoy all a city has to yield by finding an internet connection to stream a succession of 18 second motion pictures which have went into rapid circulation, of people flamboyantly failing to succeed at their perilous endeavours. I watched an elderly chap clunking his metal frame on the footpath in front of him and surmised Daniel would only like to be here if the gentleman was guaranteed to lose his footing and tumble undignified onto the gravel in a clatter. He'd probably record it on his mobile phone and post it to an online forum so someone like minded sitting in a different beautiful city could enjoy being in that city from the comfort of hotel room WiFi too.



13:16

I've been reflecting about my weeks of work and have not yet come to a conclusion as to what Daniel wants from the world. Judging by his constant dissatisfaction with service from workers who he deems duty bound to improve his day, you'd assume he'd like everyone he interacts with to be just like him. Which is why I was astonished to find out he didn't like being in France. Extinguishing my theory that being surrounded by clones of himself would be his idea of utopia.



19:30

Having done my final sound check of the tour, I relax back stage to the harmonic lure of a symphony orchestra rehearsing auspiciously in the adjacent room, it is actually quite unnerving being subject to real talent moments before you go out to perform a spoken showcase of humour.



23:00

There is a sweet taste of melancholy in the air after our final show, although performance has been my auxiliary goal to observing Daniel's behaviour, it has had an addictive quality that leaves me yearning for longevity in this project so I could indulge in more of its more-ish byproduct. The last hit of this drug they call show business just so happened to be the most potent, a rapturous sell out crowd on a Saturday night in Zagreb courses through our veins in one final rush...



And so it goes the study has reached completion, I will compile a conclusive report of my data and the evidence it presents in a later entry. But for the present I am packing my apparatus and releasing my subject back into the wild, confident in the knowledge we have learnt more about the habits and behavioural patterns of a young international touring comedian. I have endured some serious health ramifications by alighting my social activity with the pace of the project that I must retreat to rehabilitate in the tranquility of my home... Wait a second... I live with the bastard!



23:30

Before I close this file I consider it is best practice, for continuity, if we have a drink with some Croatians in Zagreb first. In the interest of science.



Signing off... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



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If you clap your hands in front of Chichen Itza’s El Castillo…

If you clap your hands in front of Chichen Itza’s El Castillo pyramid, the echo will sound like a chirping bird.

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In 1968 big wave surfer Eddie Aikau was selected to be the first lifeguard…

In 1968 big wave surfer Eddie Aikau was selected to be the first lifeguard at Waimea beach in Oahu. Not a single person died during his time as a lifeguard and he rescued over 500 people.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1J2QnHr

The Euro currency was designed featuring imagery of fictitious bridges to represent…

The Euro currency was designed featuring imagery of fictitious bridges to represent architectural stylings throughout time in Europe, also serving to not feature one country while discriminating others. The Netherlands then built the bridges anyways.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1sA2Nw3

The largest known star is 4,982,686,912 times bigger…

The largest known star is 4,982,686,912 times bigger than the sun, and is only 9,500 light-years away. If placed at the center of the Solar System, its photosphere would engulf the orbit of Jupiter, although the radius is not known for certain and may be larger than the orbit of Saturn.

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Before establishing KFC, Colonel Sanders worked at a gas station and….

Before establishing KFC, Colonel Sanders worked at a gas station and got into a gunfight with a rival gas station manager.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1sA2P6W

Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of world records by making the worlds…

Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of world records by making the worlds largest sandwich. But people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed.

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Misheard Song Lyrics – The 2014 Edition

Pleated Jeans do their usual end-of-year honours and bring us the best lyrics you think you heard in 2014.



From Taylor Swift to Sam Smith, One Direction to Maroon 5, it's all delightfully silly stuff.



(Warning: contains some NSFW language and 'Let It Go'.)

SEE ALSO: Our 14 Favourite Viral Videos Of 2014

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/13aD8nb

'Double History': New Satire Blog Takes a Gleeful Poke at the Purists

How comfortably do history and satire sit together? Since the plays of Aristophanes, the fun that has been poked at taboo subjects belies a serious message, right up to the Spitting Image puppets cavorting on our screens in the 1980s. When the Seventeenth century spawned a rash of comedies of manners, it was to hold up a mirror to an absurd society, to reflect behaviours that had become bizarre and this is where the best satire succeeds, in highlighting a recognisable absurdity. The arrival of Double History this December, a new blog which has taken the facebook community by storm, has divided opinion over the purpose and relevance of satire which takes historical material as its subject.



To date, Double History has published posts that present almost viable theories, backed up with sound, apparently logical arguments, which might well convince the history dilettante. Questioning whether Edward IV was poisoned, if Richard III was a twin, whether he was killed instead of his brother Clarence, or if Edward V was actually a girl, the anonymous posts have been received with delight in some quarters and censure in others. Satire can be subtle, poking fun indirectly with certain clues that a cursory reading might overlook, and this is where the problem lies. While the blog posts are scholarly in tone and show a depth of understanding when it comes to the period, the clues certainly are there to indicate the authors' intentions. Citing sources like Ouija boards, spirit guides and ketchup, as well as texts like Smollett, Swift and Thomas More, "who came to me in a dream," Double History's tongue is firmly in its cheek for those who take the time to read their posts in their entirety.



Yet these satirical offerings have also been met with disapproval. The same objectors to the use of historical figures in novels have declared such gleeful fun to be disrespectful, even confusing, with some going as far as believing them to be misleading or deceitful. Whilst it is regrettable that perhaps some have, in their naivety, failed to notice the many indicators of genre which litter this blog, others have an objection to the partnering of history and satire. While the Horrible Histories series for children has been recognised as fitting within the Roald Dahl tradition of humour, it seems that the adult version, which Double History offers, is simply too opaque for some. Yet what exactly is being satirised here?



Double History appears not to be poking fun at the long-dead, about whom the writers are clearly well-informed; rather, it belongs within the tradition of a comedy of manners, exposing the frequent absurd and under-sourced theories that appear daily on facebook pages and the personal blogs of history enthusiasts. Its finger is gently but firmly pointed at the conspiracists and fantasists whose theories about the motivation and actions of people in the past defy logic, at those who defend historical characters from a position of emotion rather than rationality and at those who assert "facts" they have read in novels.



Double History is a fun, irreverent look at the way that memes of popular history are regurgitated until they fester into facts and the unbridled flights of fancy they give rise to. It is well worth a read, with its variety of anonymous authors contributing under different "Jeff" pseudonyms to tantalise your historical tastebuds and send you away with a smile on your face. Described as being history's version of The Onion, Double History, needs to be seen and enjoyed for what it is. There is certainly a place for a little light-heartedness amid the serious pursuit of the past. Keep up the good work, Jeffs.



Find the Double History blog here: http://ift.tt/1BRiAfe http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1uSyD72

Just A Dog Helping Her Human To Build A Snowman

And your short-but-sweet video of the day is... this one!



Yes, Isabelle the dog is clearly a fan of this 'Frozen' song. Or at least a fan of frozen water...

SEE ALSO: The 14 Best Dog Videos Of 2014

(Via Rumble)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wYGQhh

Poundland's Christmas Decorations Are Riddled With Spelling Mistakes

We hate to say you get what you pay for, but...

My mates lost it! What have you done to him Poundland....MerryWTF! @Poundland http://ift.tt/1yY0vcb

— Michael (@ChippyQuinn) December 9, 2014

Yes, if it's beginning to look a lot like Shristmas in your house, that could be because you bought your decorations from Poundland.



Customers are bombarding the store's Twitter account with pictures of what can only be described as, well, 'top quality bunting'...

Top quality bunting from @poundland #MerryChristmas #MsrrhCyristmas http://ift.tt/1yY0vch

— Sarah (@SarahJaneTemple) December 10, 2014

@poundland 'MerryyCristmas' it might be a only quid but you could at least spell it right! #poundland http://ift.tt/1yY0xkr

— Lord Liberace (@LordLiberace) December 15, 2014

#welldone @Poundland @_youhadonejob http://ift.tt/1yY0xkv

— MT (@MattTennant84) December 14, 2014

And unfortunately, because of @Poundland's habit of writing 'Hi' before a tweeter's name when they reply to them, everyone can see what that person's been complaining about...

Hi @MattTennant84 very sorry about this, please return to store for a refund. Thank you for letting us know.

— Poundland (@Poundland) December 16, 2014

Which then leads to yet more pictures coming in...

@Poundland @MattTennant84 Oooh snap!! Haha! http://ift.tt/1yY0vsM

— Carla Lou (@koalax) December 16, 2014

Dear oh dear. You had one festive job, Poundland. Or should that be Pnoudlnad?



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vYHeoM

Richard Dawkins Letter to Santa

Dear Fraud,



Actually no, scratch that, I'm afraid 'fraud' simply doesn't do this abomination justice. Let me rephrase.



Dear Judas,



Which has to be considered an even greater insult as we all know there was never such a thing as Jesus and anyway Judas was the closest thing to a hero in that particular fable of pointlessness.



Mrs Drennan has insisted that the entire class undertake this ridiculous assignment and pointlessly write a letter to you, someone I consider both a highly unreliable and thoroughly dangerous creature. I made my feelings about this abundantly clear and insisted that I be released from this noxious and deceitful chore. However, she has likewise made it clear that by failing to subscribe to this litany of excreta my access to the monkey bars will be severely curtailed, so I find myself having no choice.



My fellow classmates, in line with their expected juvenile thinking, will probably be appealing to you for various redundant trinkets and ludicrous fripperies. How sad they are. However, my Christmas wish to you, so called Saint Nicholas, is quite straightforward. Simply prove to me that you exist. Offer me a rational and unambiguous example of your reality and I will no longer treat you as a flamboyant, bearded, reindeer-baiting hallucination.



Until that day comes, I will continue to consider you as one of the most unpleasant characters currently residing in seasonal fiction. Self-serving, spiteful, glib, megalomaniacal, bitter, elf-abusing, nog-chugging and with an unhealthy interest in both chimneys and the desires of the young. If you are such a pure and caring individual, sent to Earth to improve the lot of mankind, and you possess the power to deliver presents to the entire planet in a single night, then why do you not do that every night? Why does such a figure of perfection ration out his generosity in such a cruel and malicious way?



I will tell you why. Because you are vile. You singularly warp the weakened minds of infants into some vision of unquestioned worship, with the obtaining of mince pies and sherry as your one, despicable goal. How do you sleep at night? I mean, of course, the 364 nights of the year where you chose not to pander to the imbecilic and rather stay within the safe confines of your cosy grotto alongside your supposed spouse?



And then, I fear, we must turn to the question of Rudolph. A mutant. A crime against nature. A deformed animal freak that would be attacked with lit torches and pitchforks under any normal circumstances but instead is exploited to further both your treacherous brand and your disgusting, inhumane ideals that are destructive to decent human intellect. The world is explained by science, but nowhere in science is there a rational explanation for a deer with an illuminated nasal facility. It simply cannot be - just as you cannot be.



In conclusion - you are a charlatan. A supernatural presence that the phrase 'does not exist' is simply not strong enough. You have soiled the minds of a generation with your lies and mis-deeds, showering evil liberally on the world. I refuse to partake in this annual charade, praising your ability to read lists and successfully steer a sled. Until the day your existence is proven to me beyond all doubt, I will never believe in you. However, like all scientists, I must recognise the probability of miscalculation. If I happen to be wrong, and you do get this letter, then I would really like a Stretch Armstrong with detachable cape and a chemistry set. Just for me, I'm not sharing with Caitlin.



Yours with great dubiousness,



Little Ricky Dawkins (Aged 5 ¾)



Dale Shaw's collection of made-up correspondence, Letters of Not, is available now from Amazon or via LettersofNot.com. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wgl4Uf

Brain Teaser 12/17/2014

Think about all the interesting fictional characters that are part of the Christmas season as you decode this cryptogram list.



LXAGGYD

AQMGBVE

UAL. XBKQL

SNOW SNU

SEADD TADOXE EDOL

SED YANOXE

XEKABND HAGJO

YDGAYD HKNBDW

MKLEDA

TAGLSW SED LOGJUKO

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Fan Shop: Everything for fans of the NCAA, NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, MLS and much more.

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Man Suffers Spectacular Treadmill Fail At The Gym, Recovers In The Most Brilliant Way Possible

There's 'shaking it off'.... and there's shaking it off.



Watch and learn, people. THIS is how you recover from a treadmill fail.

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1GP8Cw5

Woman Tries To Pose For A Selfie With Megatron, Gets More Than She Bargained For

This man - sorry, Transformer - may be our new hero.



When a fan approaches him to take a selfie with him at Universal Studios Hollywood, he berates her - and her generation.



"When will you learn that your status updates mean zero to nothing, to anyone, ever! It doesn't matter which social network you post it on. Worthless!" he rages.



"Use your mind. Create new memories. Interact. Don't just add it to a library of forgotten photographs," he continues. "Ugh. How disappointing your generation is."



Harsh, of course. But it is Megatron.



(Via Tastefully Offensive)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wK58Zh

The Apprentice 2015 Sneak Preview

We get an exclusive look at the contestants who'll be in Alan Sugar's firing line next year...



(Video made for HuffPost UK Comedy by Amanda Wilkie, David Schneider and Handface) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1uRWsMe

Today in History for 17th December 2014

Historical Events

942 - Assassination of William I Longsword, 2nd Duke of Normandy.

1852 - 1st Hawaiian cavalry organized

1949 - Burma recognizes People's Republic of China

1961 - Niteroi Circus of Rio de Janeiro catches fire; 323 die

1977 - Bobby Simpson scores 176 Australia v India at the WACA, aged 41

2013 - Australia wins the 3rd test to take win the 2013-14 Ashes test cricket series

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1840 - Christian Frederik Emil Horneman, composer

1853 - Herbert Beerbohm Tree, England, actor/theater manager (Trilby)

1937 - Art Neville, New Orleans LA, vocalist (Neville Brothers)

1949 - Sotiris Kaiafas, Cypriot footballer

1971 - Tony Richardson, NFL fullback (KC Chiefs)

1980 - Ryan Hunter-Reay, American race car driver

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1829 - Bernard Jumentier, composer, dies at 80

1944 - Vassily V Kandinsky, Russian/German/French painter, dies

1965 - Tito [Raffaele A] Schipa, Italian tenor/composer (Rondine), dies at 76

1972 - Erwin Dressel, composer, dies at 63

1999 - Rex Allen, American actor, singer and songwriter (b. 1920)

2003 - Otto Graham, NFL Quarterback, dies of a heart aneurysm at 82

More Famous Deaths »

from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/VLo2JB