Monday 24 November 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Nov 25, 2014)

Round Table Coin Game



You die and the devil says he'll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. The devil sits you down at a perfectly round table. He gives himself and you an infinite pile of quarters. He says, "OK, we'll take turns putting one quarter down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest flat on the table surface. The first guy who can't put a quarter down loses." You guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he'll go first. However, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. You make this interjection because you are very smart and can place quarters perfectly, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. Explain how you can guarantee victory.





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





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The British army tested LSD on its Marines in 1964…

The British army tested LSD on its Marines in 1964… and filmed it.







from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1FkxkUf

Is the US Presidential Turkey Pardon a Big Load of Baloney?

Every year the US President pardons a turkey.



Quite an honour, which may be more useful if bestowed on a person.



I'm sure plenty would agree to dress up as a turkey, and even behave like a turkey, in order to avoid ruining the spirit of the day.



It's also pretty hard not to forgive someone dressed in a turkey suit, pecking at the ground and squawking. Give it a go yourself, next time you forget to tip someone, arrive late to pick up the kids from school, or rob a bank.



So this presidential turkey pardon has only been regular thing since 1989.



That's right, 1989.



Meaning it's not even as old as Indiana Jones, Ghost Busters or Ferris Bueller's Day Off.



Thanksgiving in the USA goes right back to around 1621, but the turkey pardon itself is not even as old as The Princess Bride and The Terminator. (80s movies are the best.)



A turkey was first presented to President Harry Truman in 1947, however no records mention a pardon. Indeed, there's evidence that he actually ate it.



A president eating a turkey? Outrageous! That's not what they're for! Why wasn't he impeached?



Eisenhower ate the birds presented to him as well.



Kennedy apparently spared a turkey on Nov 18, 1963, just four days before his assassination. The bird was wearing a sign that read, 'Good Eatin' Mr President' and weighed fifty-five pounds, a size which apparently made the president uncomfortable.



This makes perfect sense, especially considering Kennedy's motto was, 'no fat chicks'.



The first president to officially pardon a turkey was Reagan in 1987, who at the time was being questioned over whether or not he would pardon Oliver North for has involvement in the Iran-Contra affair.



In order to distract everyone's attention, he pardoned a turkey instead. It worked too. Nobody noticed that the bird was not Ollie North, proving again Reagan's superior acting abilities, and his lesser known powers as an improv comedy genius.



In 1988 Reagan didn't pardon a turkey, because that year, North had forgotten to organise a secret war.



Then in 1989 George Bush senior made it a regular thing.



For many years the pardoned turkeys were then sent to Frying Pan Park in Fairfax County, Virginia. Probably the best name for any park ever, especially if the turkey's eventual resting place was a cemetery known 'The Fire'.



Meaning the turkeys go straight from 'Frying Pan' and into 'The Fire'. Puns are the best.



The turkeys selected for a presidential pardon are actually a special breed.



Eighty are randomly selected at birth from thousands, and trained to handle flash photography, loud noises and large crowds. Making them a Kardashian with wings.



This field of eighty is then reduced down to twenty, with the final two selected by White House staff. They're renowned for their abilities to pick a turkey. Which explains the secret service.



Two turkeys are currently selected and pardoned each year, in case the first choice turkey becomes unavailable. This is not due to media commitments, or a career on Fox News, but a nice way of saying that one of them might die.



The turkeys up for a pardon fed on the same grain-heavy diet of fortified corn and soybeans as the turkeys raised for slaughter, as it increases their size.



With this diet comes many health problems, and the turkeys frequently die within a year of being pardoned, if they survive that long.



Which makes it less of a 'pardon' and more a refusal to give the bird the assisted benevolent suicide that it craves.



A number of US states have similar turkey-pardoning events, because they lack creativity and can't think of anything more exciting to do.



Recent presidential speeches have mentioned that the tradition dates date to Truman and even Abraham Lincoln pardoning his son's pet turkey, however there's no evidence of either.



There is plenty of evidence, however, that Lincoln was an utter legend, so he might've done it. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1AI4cIF

A Letter to the British Comedy Scene

First of all, I love getting to do stand up. Honestly. I've had an amazing year, things keep getting better. I don't ever want to stop, I can't stop, and I want to get to the point where I don't have my day job anymore and can just gig all over the place, earning enough to buy myself and my family nice things. Some wonderful advice I heard once was "you eventually forget to quit". But tonight was a real highlight of things I want to see changed or at least thought about. Some I have discussed with people before, some are just nonsense I yell at myself whilst driving back from wherever I was.



Yes, some audiences are awful. Some may have never seen live comedy before, some may have had a sad amount to drink, some may simply not be interested. But something that appears to be ever present is British people's relationship with money. Recently I got to go to Europe and perform comedy, I had an amazing time and I noticed that over there, when they spend €10 on a comedy night, they say "well I've spent this money, therefore I will listen and get my money's worth". Whereas in Britain, it appears to be a case of "well I've spent MY money, so I can do whatever I damn well please". This is not the case everywhere, but just something I've noticed. There are ways to combat this, such as having the night set up properly, everyone facing the right way etc. But sometimes mob mentality wins and it is just tough. Village and small town gigs are sometimes hard, but more often than not it feels like comedians are intruders in your living room rather than funny guests who just want to entertain their hosts.



Oh and, by heckling and saying "I'm helping" is not helping. At all. I don't write half a set and just spin my chair away and just hope someone in the audience will finish it off for me.



That's not my main problem. My problem is the comedians themselves.



Doing comedy IS very cool, it IS so much fun and it is FULL of pretentious, I didn't get enough attention growing up so I'll cut everyone else down, competitive, non-entertainers. Please tell me what other job is the following ever somehow acceptable:



"I'm getting paid anyway so who cares".



This is just as bad as the audience who have paid and don't care.



Maybe it's because I'm not at that point where my sole income is comedy. Maybe it's because I have such a genuine love for the game and not an overly competitive person that the layer of smug bitterness and self-righteousness hasn't filled up my head. I've seen good comedians become obsessed with the business side of things, so desperate to jump a few rungs of the ladder, that it's caught up with them and they have packed it in.



If you consider yourself an "artistè", don't go doing smaller gigs because it's a tasty amount of money and whinge when they don't listen to you or 'don't get it'. Stay as an artist, do your solo shows, you've got your lovely educated audiences, crack on. But if you are booked, do your job, entertain people. And if they aren't listening, do everything you can to make them, just plough on through, but for everyone's sake, keep your toys in your pram. The scene is crawling with comics, good and bad, who would happily take your spot. So be consistent and work hard.



And the other side of that coin, don't go into any gig thinking you have some weird divine right to heard and admired. Earn it. Again, maybe it's because I'm not competitive, but I never go out thinking I'm better than anyone else in that room. I have chat with comedians backstage, have a laugh, then go out on stage and do my thing. In my mind the order of importance goes; the audience, the staff, the tech guys, the promoter, then me. And I've never really had a awful gig.



Stop all the cutting each other down as a way to have banter, because that makes you just as bad as the people who shut you down that ended up pushing you towards comedy. Grow up and just enjoy doing this bizarre thing we do.



We are already in a very cool club, what more do you want? To prove you're the coolest one in the club? To me, it's about the people who are sat in front of me, not how cool and bad-ass the ones backstage think I am.



I have been guilty of some of these things, of course. But I'm still learning, altering my behavior, and will keep on gigging and writing until I remember I can quit.



For now though, I'll see you wherever in the world we cross paths.



Kind regards,

Jack Campbell http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zS7xS5

European Comedy Tour Journal, Day Eleven: Stockholm (Part Two)

Day Eleven, Stockholm (Sweden)



I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour.


Day: Eleven



Date: 6 November 2014



Destination: Stockholm (Sweden)



Subject: Daniel Sloss



09:59

The benefits of having a day off yesterday are reaped today as we wake up in not only the same city but the exact same venue that we will be performing in tonight. The day breaks with no pressure of early upheaval from the hotel, no airport check-in times looming, no checking every pocket and compartment of my holdall for my passport before finding it in a shoe under my bed and sighing so hard with relief that my neighbours think I got lucky. I have become so accustomed to the day commencing with a multitude of dealings that could go sour and blemish an otherwise flawless campaign. The responsibility on my shoulders that venue staff, marketing teams, agents, tour operators, ticket holders and of course Daniel himself could have their months of planning and labour scuppered if I take leave of my aptitude to hit 'snooze' one too many times. Even when I do efficiently execute the gruelling daily task of throwing my legs over the side of the bed and heaving my torso into an upright stance in order to set the cogs of the day grinding with a splutter into motion to the beat of my alarm and the throb of my hangover, I am served with a platter of internal queries; Passport? Wallet? Currency? Watch? Toiletries? Phone? Charger? What happened last night? Where did I leave Daniel? Why is my bed wet? Once I wrangle together my material possessions, find the location of my test subject and tip the maid, I relax in transit and begin to collate my findings from the previous day. Today is different, I have none of those anxieties. We exercised our freedom from these shackles up until just a few hours ago by sinking several units of a liquor given the deceptively amiable title of 'Fisherman's Friend.' At this point of the morning as the light cuts with relentless ease through the blinds, my eyes and finally my soul, I consider the beverage would be more aptly dubbed 'Comedian's Nemesis.'



So for what reason am I rebuking this opportunity to gently close my eyes, momentarily dismissing the world and burying the side effects of my alcohol consumption under as many layers of sleep deemed necessary to regain my zest for consciousness? Why am I staring at a clock that reads 09:59 with a stirring disquiet? It is as though the sand of time has a furtive secret that I'm not privy to, that it will only divulge when its face changes in sixty seconds or less. I wrack my aching brain trying to decipher this cruel riddle that the morning has bestowed upon me before it's too late. Then with an abrupt realisation the uneasiness I've been incubating manifests into heart stopping dread as the adrenal gland atop of my kidneys has a purge of epinephrine that boosts the supply of glucose and oxygen to the epicentre of my cerebrum, charging me to bolt upright in a sudden frenzy of panic: Breakfast finishes at ten!



10:00

It's a miracle that I managed to get out of bed, get dressed, document my thoughts and make it down the stairs in time for a feed before the offering of delights was brutally revoked from those less punctual. The character trait of mine that I attribute to the town of Blyth from which I hail is that I seldom forgo complimentary food. My test subject on the other hand doesn't appear to hold nourishment so high on his agenda.



I have made a noteworthy discovery in this very moment. If anyone ever asks me what can make a traditional fried breakfast even more superior than it currently is, I will tell them Meatballs, the answer is Meatballs. And I will tell them Sweden gave me this intelligence in the winter of 2014.



12:00

My test subject has risen from his slumber and joined me in the hotel lobby to partake in some comedic writing, as I make notes on his behaviour he proceeds to tweak a script which we have been pondering over of late. As I watch Daniel I observe that he talks with his hands even when the talking is done in his head. An onlooker might suppose he is having a Skype session with a deaf relative. I am just glad we are in Stockholm and not LA otherwise he could potentially start a gang war with a passing Crip.



Daniel pointed out to me that my attire of block grey Super-Dry branded leisurewear is not fitting to the plush surroundings of the luxurious hotel foyer but I have resisted explaining to him that this is the disguise I have adopted to throw him off the scent of my being a supremely qualified psychiatric scientists on a highly covert operation.



16:00

I have had the most harrowing of experiences. As I documented my findings from my former affairs in the field I unintentionally erased my entire body of work. As I attempted to copy my accounts from the computerised document and subsequently duplicate them into my online journal I got segued into the pit of procrastination that is YouTube, in doing so made the haphazard error of replacing the copied data on my clipboard with the link to a video of a chimpanzee urinating into it's own face. Upon realising that I had carelessly discarded my backbreaking efforts for the purpose of sharing the primate's folly with strangers on an online forum I immediately checked my archives. To my dismay it was gone, I had permanently cut the data from it's source rather than copying it, then tossed it into the chasmic cyber-ether with reckless disregard. The blank canvas was mirrored by my own physical emptiness, a void that no amount of free food will ever replace. Daniel sensed my gut wrenching disarray the way rats foresee tectonic activity and his head jerked towards me, he held a quizzical gaze as I wrenched at my hair with closed fists. Upon learning the nature of my misfortune Daniel didn't laugh organically but rather said the word 'Ha' multiple disembodied times. Although he bathed me in a verbal display of schadenfreude I could tell the man showed a glimmer of sympathy for my disastrous ordeal because he extended the gesture of quietly providing me with a caffeinated beverage as I embarked on the laborious task of starting again from scratch. I don't believe he would have extended this generosity had he known the rip roaring deconstruction of his idiosyncrasies in my recently disposed documentation.



01:00

Nothing extraordinary to report from our evening's shenanigans other than some wholesome socialising with a delightful mix of Swedish and Finnish acquaintances over a civilised drink post performance. All of the elements of the evening from the show to the Shiraz were to my subject's pleasure and he retreats to his chambers in a satisfied state of contentment. As do I myself after quite the roller-coaster of a day.



Signing off... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zS7xBE

This Woman Does Great Impressions Of Celebrities Stuck In Traffic

World, meet Lauren O'Brien...



...and Drew Barrymore, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift, Angelina Jolie, Lois from 'Family Guy' - and a whole host of other stars that O'Brien, a comedian from LA, can impersonate. And, in this video, imagined what they'd say and think if they found themselves stuck in traffic.



Be prepared for some very impressive impressions...



SEE ALSO: Celebrities Do Impressions Of Other Celebrities

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rjkIWY

Logan Paul Car Jump Will Scare The Sh*t Out Of You

Father, Daughter And Sheep Recreate A Classic 'Knock Knock' Joke In Just Five Seconds

If the secret of comedy is timing, then this sheep is a natural comedian.



We don't know if this took one take, two takes or several hundred takes - but we tip our hat to the father and daughter who managed to capture the perfect moment on camera.



SEE ALSO:







(Via Tastefully Offensive)



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xtfcDt

A sheep farmer who has a farm next to the highway near Bathgate, Scotland…

A sheep farmer who has a farm next to the highway near Bathgate, Scotland, has been dying his sheep with non-toxic dye since 2007 to entertain passing motorists.


pinksheep1


pinksheep2






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1xU9aRv

Joe Arridy was named the happiest inmate on death row. He had…

Joe-Arridy Joe Arridy was named the happiest inmate on death row. He had an IQ of 46 and played with a toy train given to him by the prison Warden. Due to his lack of understanding, he smiled on the his way to the gas chamber.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1xU9aB5

In 17th century Italy conjoined twins were on trial for murder…

In 17th century Italy conjoined twins were on trial for murder. Authorities arrested Lazarus after he stabbed a man for teasing his parasitic twin brother. Though he was sentenced to death the court let him go, finding that they could not execute him without killing his innocent conjoined twin.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1xU98cj

Demolished Building Gets The Last Laugh

The demolition of this building in Barcelona, Spain did not go exactly as planned as the structure wasn't the only thing that was destroyed... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1uwxFNi

Celebrities Including Gwyneth Paltrow, Lena Dunham And Britney Spears Read Out Mean Tweets About Themselves

'Jimmy Kimmel Live' has a tradition of asking celebrities to read out insulting tweets that people have posted about them.



The results are suitably amusing - and so far, Kimmel has managed to get the likes of Benedict Cumberbatch, George Clooney, Emma Stone and Julia Roberts on board.



But 'Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #8' may be its starriest line-up yet. It kicks off with Gwyneth Paltrow and ends with Adam Sandler - and along the way, you can enjoy Britney Spears, Lisa Kudrow, Chris Pratt, Lena Dunham and more reading out some of the silliest, meanest Twitter insults we've ever heard... and laughing them off. Hurrah!



SEE ALSO: 12 Ways To Be Annoying On Twitter

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xTUuSo

Eight Ways Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You

"My friends, the kittens are rising, the apawcalypse is coming," writes YouTuber Sho Ko. "Don't say I didn't warn you."



We think they might be right. This video of kitties Shorty and Kodi certainly does make some very good - and terrifying - points...



SEE ALSO:



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xsjomM

Dramatic Ferret Falls Asleep Dramatically

Typical. You wait ages for one funny ferret video, and then two come along at once.



First we brought you this ferret's jump fail.



And now, here's a short-but-sweet clip of a furry fella falling asleep on his owner's lap, to adorable effect.



Of course, he's not the first dramatic ferret to hit the internet. Remember this one?



SEE ALSO:







(Via Laughing Squid)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1y4Ug8G

The Very Best Snow News Bloopers, In One Wintry Compilation

It's hard enough reporting live news. But reporting live news in adverse conditions? Even harder.



Of course, when we say 'adverse conditions', we don't just mean snow. We also mean double entendres, videobombers and unhappy locals.



Thank you, NewsBeFunny, for this timely reminder of the dangers that winter can bring.



SEE ALSO:









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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xs55P5

Golden Retriever And German Shepherd Dogs Have Spaghetti-Eating Competition, But There's No Contest

See what happens when TheBragdBirger puts down two bowls of spaghetti in front of his dogs.



Sadly, no 'Lady And The Tramp' scenario ensues - but as you'll see, one of these mutts could give any competitive eater a run for his money, while the other... has a very different technique.



And put it this way: there are two winners. One of the dogs - and the internet.



SEE ALSO:











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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xrWqMH

Brain Teaser 11/24/2014

Turkey Day Fun



1. The world's largest turkey was on display at a fair. Everyone was admiring it when suddenly a woman ran up and shot the turkey and left. Everyone knew her yet nobody made any attempts to stop or report her. Why?



2. What are unhappy cranberries called?



3. What part of the Turkey has the most feathers?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The Very Best In Puzzle Magazines





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3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com

Kitten Plays Nintendo, Or, Confused Cat Paws At 'Super Smash Bros'

Today in History for 24th November 2014

Historical Events


1800 - Weber's opera "Das Waldmadchen" premieres in Freiburg

1926 - KVI-AM in Seattle WA begins radio transmissions

1966 - 1st TV station in Congo, Kinshasa (Zaire)

1974 - 2 truck hijackers freed (3/3/1974)

1977 - France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island

1993 - End of world, according to Ukrainian sect White Brotherhood


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1824 - Karel M M Verlat, Flemish painter/graphic artist

1900 - Cornelius Kee, composer

1927 - Alfred Kraus, Las Palmas Canary Islands, tenor (La Scala)

1943 - Richard Tee, US pianist (Stuff, Strokin')

1944 - Dan Glickman, (Rep-D-KS, 1977- )

1983 - Meredith Henderson, Canadian actress


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1571 - Jan Blahoslav, Czech bishop, dies at 48

1807 - Joseph Brant [Thayendanegea], Mohawk leader, dies at 64

1870 - Comte de Lautréamont, French writer (b. 1846)

1890 - August Belmont, Sr., Prussian-born financier (b. 1816)

1944 - EMHCH Houtappel, resistance fighter: in Neuengamme, dies

1959 - Dally Messenger, Australian rugby player (b. 1883)


More Famous Deaths »






from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/Ukgl0g