Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Sep 10, 2014)

What Can You Make of This?



What phrase does this rebus represent?



H

HI

HIS

HIST

HISTO

HISTOR

HISTORY





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





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ydw1






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Why I Will Miss Joan Rivers

After a chat about downsides of being single in LA (which are MANY) Joan Rivers asked me 'So, why are you STILL single?' I was living in LA at the time and we were filming her show Fashion Police, in between the gaps she was grilling me - in her usual lovable direct way. I answered 'I don't know' She looked at me straight in the eyes and asked 'You think men are intimidated by you?' I threw my hands in the air 'Who knows?' Then I will never forget what she said next 'Well if they are, its their problem, be yourself - fuck them!' That happened a few years ago now, and i'm truly gutted that I will never get to see her again, or even tell her that maybe I'm not so scary to men after all as I found a good one in the end.



She would have loved that. You know why? Because in the brief time that I met her and was fortunate enough to work with her I saw with my very own eyes that Joan was all about honesty. She used her biting truth to connect with her audience and everyone she encountered. She is even quoted saying; 'I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking'. Her authenticity made you feel that within hours of meeting her you were meeting the 'real' Joan Rivers, not a media trained people pleasing Hollywood replica of herself - which this industry can often be rampant with.



Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to give off the best version of yourself - god knows we all try too. But sometimes I do feel that when we are projecting our best 'game face' and trying to be liked we make it impossible for people to form an opinion of us, at best we are 'nice' at worst 'forgettable'. Joan's special brand of comedy polarized an audience, she made you feel something. You either loved or hated her sharp honesty - and for me I loved it. Joan didn't need you to like her and worked out that if you speak the truth and say the unsayable, well - you may just get a laugh in the process.



It wasn't always plain sailing for her though and she certainly went through her fair share of career ups and downs. Showbiz can be hard as its full of rejection, one minute your 'gonna blow up' the next your 'meh - what's her name again, Eliviar?'. But Joan just kept on going, doing her thing and being true to what she found funny. 'Everybody broke through ahead of me. I was the last one in the group to break through, or to be allowed to break through. Looking back, I think it was because I was a woman. I stuck around for 18 years. And they finally offered me my own late-night show.'



To me Joan is a lesson in on how to be authentic and stick to your guns, not only do I admire her honestly but her tenacity too. At the time when she started out in comedy there were so few women; 'When I started out, a pretty girl did not go into comedy. If you saw a pretty girl walk into a nightclub, she was automatically a singer. Comedy was all white, older men.'



But she wasn't disheartened, she kept on going, kept on being honest, daring, true to who she was and devastating funny in the process. So, to any female comics reading this thinking; 'blimey, this is hard!' or any actors musing 'maybe I should just try to be more like Brad Pitt?' or even single girls scratching their heads saying; 'Maybe I do scare men, maybe I should be softer?' I will say to you what Joan said to me 'FUCK THEM - BE YOURSELF' The best single piece of advice I was ever given. Joan - you will be missed, dearly. RIP. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1CNVFDA

Carry on Laughing: Joan Rivers

2014-09-07-JoanRivers4.jpg



Joan Rivers was one fierce bitch. That unmistakable arresting husk of her voice on the red carpet sounded out like a gunshot in a bank. Like an elegant vixen preying on the beautiful birds of Hollywood, Rivers would tear celebrities shred by shred. The A-list's most stylish and most funny Queen of Mean. Rivers used mockery as an invaluable instrument to remind those whom take themselves too seriously to lighten up. Everything from plastic surgery to abysmal fashion choices, marriage failures to weight issues, compromising personal scandals to love affairs, nothing was beyond a good joke. Lest we forget, however, it is only but just to remember that on herself Rivers was hardest of all. Another point of order in commemoration, would be to observe the fact she had a great big heart.



Comedy, when Joan started out, was not for girls. One had to be white, middle-aged, and male. Her parents were unyielding in their refusal to support Joan's acting ambitions, which was her endmost goal, as a result she suffered out years as an office temp while taking smaller roles off of Broadway. Stand-up comedy was a crutch for her acting, and she worked everywhere from strip clubs to dour little cafes, hideous clubs to dirty bars, and was accustomed to being fired regularly. Dying a thousand times on stage, she said, makes one unafraid of death itself. She then in turn never fired a single employee from her jewelry and fashion business, believing in respecting everyone's contribution to the business. Many of her staff stayed for decades and were in ways like family to her. She made sure their children all received private education and that they all had private health insurance. Realizing her innate skill at making people laugh, and acknowledging that comedy paid more than her drab office job, she became a comedic writer and performer. "Comedy is like herpes," she said, "you either have it or you don't".



Joan was one of the first stand-up comedy performers to "use her own life experience as the focus for her material. Her generation of mainstream stand-up comedy performers were all men. It was Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Woody Allen, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, and Dick Cavett. Joan was never invited to hang out with the men. They would all meet up after and go for sandwiches and drinks, and Joan would be left behind. She was the last one in the group to break through, and the last one to be asked to go on Late Night with Johnny Carson. She once said: "Ignore your competition. A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: 'Run your own race, put on your own blinders.' Don't worry about how others are doing. Something better will come."



2014-09-07-joan_rivers_johnny_carson_a_l.jpg





Seven times she was brought to the Carson show, where she was interviewed and auditioned each of the seven times and by seven different people, all of whom rejected her over a period of three years. When one comedian bombed, Joan was asked to fill in. It was then, live on air in 1965, that the king of late night, Johnny Carson, said "You're gonna be a star." In the 1970s, Joan did some of the opening monologues, and occasionally hosted the show. Conan O'Brien described Rivers' hosting during Carson's holidays, as a major event where the whole country would be talking about her shows and the outrageous and edgy style she conducted them with. Rivers helped pave the way for a whole generation of women standup comics to hold their own beside men. When younger women would call her a legend and tell her how much of an inspiration she was, of it she would retort, "fuck them, I'm not finished yet".



Before Joan Rivers, women performers rarely, if ever, discussed their own sexuality, despite it being one of the most natural things in the world; her comedy was fettled with self-deprecating and embarrassing references to her own private life. She did this to break down barriers and change the discourse as to what should be allowed to be spoken of. The male comedians she started off with had all gotten their own shows. After 18 years, Joan was offered her own show on Fox Network on a $10 million contract. The first person she called was Carson, and he hung up and never again spoke to her. Also, he denied that she ever had called him. Probably because she was a woman and he felt he had some ownership for discovering her. Nothing would stop her from being successful in showbiz.



After less than a year on the air, Joan was told that the producers wanted rid of her husband and manager, Edgar Rosenberg, though they would like to keep her as she was making them money. Betrayal of her own husband was rejected without equivocation and she made the point that they came as a package deal. Her loyalty was unwavering. Fox then told her that her following show would be her last one. In 1987, Joan and Edgar moved to Ireland to get their shit together, while Joan's career was in tatters. Edgar fell into a severe depression after a heart attack and took pills to overdose in a Philadelphia hotel room where he died. He made three tapes, one for Joan, one for their then fourteen year old daughter Melissa, and one for his closest friend. Edgar had also made unsound investments and left Joan and Melissa in tremendous financial distress. If he were here now, Joan used to say, I would kill him all over again.



2014-09-07-JoanRivers2.jpg



When someone from the hospital rang her home to inform her of Edgar's suicide, Joan was away getting liposuction when Melissa answered. A hospital official asked if Joan was home. Melissa said she was not. The official then did something wickedly bad and marvelously stupid, he told a fourteen year old girl that her father had killed himself, and that she should probably tell her mother. For a year after, with the outplay of events as so they happened, Melissa began to hold the tragedy against Joan, recluded from her, and then froze her out altogether for a time. Joan revealed years later she herself decided to take her own life one day, while sitting in a chair her dog ran in and sat on her lap gazing up at her. This titchy display of affection was reason enough not to go through with the act. She became a lifelong advocate of suicide prevention.



She was intermittently successful soon around thereafter: her Joan Rivers Worldwide Inc business, selling lavish costume jewelry on television shopping channels, turned over more than $25 million a year at its height. However, things took a bad turn when a partner in the business absconded with $37 million. "I used to wake up thinking of that number," Rivers recalled. The partner went to jail but Rivers had to sell her name and jewelry designs to stave off bankruptcy. Eventually, after much talking therapy, her and Melissa conciliated. Joan's own therapist and very close friend was then diagnosed with aids. She was with even him when he died. "I don't want to die" were his last words, to which Joan could only manage, "Relax, it's gonna be better". Rivers actually never believed in an afterlife, so it was important to her to have the best time in the here and now. "You live the great New York Life", a friend once said to her over lunch. "I know", she replied. She was a Bon Vivant and a luxurist.



Joan worked damn hard to get what she had and to get to where she was. She brazened over sixty years in show business, appeared in thousands of TV shows, more than a dozen films and many nightclub appearances; wrote twelve best-selling books, raised millions for causes including AIDS (helping found the charity 'Gods Love We Deliver' for immobilised AIDS patients), Guide Dogs for the Blind, Suicide Awareness, Cancer Research, and Cystic Fibrosis; and she herself amassed about $290 million. Joan never really seemed to feel part of the elite. She understood the Hollywood machine and power structures in our culture and calculatedly satirized the powerful, the famous, the beautiful, the privileged, and the wealthy. She was socially liberal and economically and financially conservative. Joan knew as long as any group within a society that consciously preserves its identity, should then be a fair target for satire. Questioning the absurd beliefs of other people makes one reflect on the potential absurdity of oneself.



Age did not endanger her spectacular exuberance. She worked harder than anyone else, jet-setting from country to country taping multiple shows, doing stand-up comedy, and selling books as well as her clothing and jewelry lines. As a journalist I have been around some of the most famous celebrities in the world, but I could not believe how accessible Joan Rivers was to her fans. There seemed to be a sincere warmth about her, a leal, and when I seen her addressing her fans on a one-to-one basis she did not ignore or patronize them in the least. She treated them so, so, well. I seen her in Dublin in 2008 where I witnessed a sincere act of kindness in between the two back-to-back shows she was performing. An emotionally overwhelmed fan was stricken with star paralysis and was visibly shaken from meeting her, whom he so obviously adored. She gave him a great big bear-hug and spontaneously took out some of her hair extensions and said "Here my darling, take some of me home with you."



Of course her kindness very often is not recognized for her being as she was, the grand dame of celebrity assassination, and a razor sharp critic of modern living. Rivers had no filter and cursed in public. It was a stylistic decision, a challenge to respectability. Her being such a lady allowed her to subvert the perceptions of manners and acceptable conduct. It was such a cunning and gallant choice. There are many lessons to be taken from her: Be your own judge, never take yourself too seriously as it can lead to a sort of blindness, understand the importance of mocking the elite of a society for the good of its own health, speak out now rather than not at all, respect those whom admire you and treat you well, stick by what you believe and never apologize for telling the truth, and be prepared to be hated by those of whom you speak ill. Joan Rivers lived well her life and kept moving no matter how many times life tried to slow her down. She was an icon, she was a fighter, she was important. http://ift.tt/1CNVFmZ



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1CNVCYo

World's Biggest 'Supervillains' Chime In On Scottish Independence Debate

Global "supervillain" Henry Kissinger has spoken out on the Scottish independence debate, telling Prospect Magazine that "Anything that makes Britain smaller I do not welcome". Yet the former US Secretary of State is not the only nefarious character to offer council on the issue of Scotland’s breakaway from the UK.



kissinger

'I do not welcome it'



Many of the globe’s leading scoundrels have ruminated on the delicate matter of the British Union, with support falling on both sides of the argument. Here are 7 more of the world's most evil "supervillains" and what they have said about the Scottish referendum:



Rupert Murdoch:



rupert murdoch

Murdoch and SNP leader Alex Salmond are said to be 'close'





When not denying climate change or taking surreptitious meetings with the leader of Ukip, ageing media mogul Rupert Murdoch tweets out his support for the 'Yes' campaign, support that Andrew Neil suggested was nothing more than payback for the Westminster establishment that roughed up Murdoch during the phone hacking scandal.












Simon Cowell:

simon cowell

'We value our bonds of citizenship'





Tyrannical music Svengali Simon Cowell was a signatory to a letter signed by a raft of British celebrities (mainly English) asking Scots to vote to renew “our bonds of citizenship”. Cowell was accompanied on the list by semi-evil fax-seller Alan Sugar and Sting, the latter almost making the cut for the Fields of Gold album.



Vladimir Putin:

vladimir putin

'A domestic matter'





Vladimir Putin, onetime friend turned scourge of the West, was asked in January what he thought about Scottish independence, replying ominously that it was a "domestic matter"… in much the same way that Crimea and eastern Ukraine are now Russian "domestic matters".



Sarah Palin:

sarah palin

Fake or real tweet?





Sarah Palin, erstwhile vice presidential nominee turned Tweeter, stuck her moose hunting boots into the debate in December last year, telling Scots “Let’s face facts. Secession is wrong for Scotland”. There were some rumours that the Tweet was fake (these remain unconfirmed, but we doubt it. She can, afterall, see Holyrood from her window in Alaska…



Piers Morgan:

piers morgan

'You've had your fun'





Piers Morgan, the former grubby tabloid editor turned fired CNN anchor, is much maligned in both the US and UK, and though his stance on US gun safety was admirable, he’s got enough dirty linen in his closet to join the evil cohort. And how did he try and persuade the people of Scotland to vote ‘No’? With this tactfully crafted tweet:












Nigel Farage:

ukip farage

'They're being sold a pig in a poke'





Nigel Farage, the soon-to-be MP for Thanet South, who runs the wayward Ukip mob, replete with such members as Godfrey Bloom as the chap that “saluted” a flower pot. Farage has been outspoken on the issue of independence, wanting the Union to stick together, and belittling Alex Salmond for wanting to seize monetary policy from Westminster, only to hand it over to the European Union.



Tony Abbott:

greg abbott

'Enemies of freedom and justice'





And then there’s Tony Abbott, the coral reef-destroying, God believing prime minister of Australia, who in an August interview said that Scottish independence would be a win for the enemies of freedom and justice. “It’s hard to see how the world would be helped by an independent Scotland,” he told The Times. The ‘Yes’ campaign responded by saying Abbott had “put his foot in it”.

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rBncPP

Apple Unveils Amazing iWatch

So an incredible new watch is on the market. And we here at Huffington Post UK Comedy are impressed...



apple iwatch spoof



SEE ALSO: Apple's iPhone 6 - All The New Features





(iWatch unveiled by David Schneider, Stephen Grant, David Beresford and Handface) http://ift.tt/1p384sN



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1CNKjiX

The Twitter Account @IllustratedTypo Turns People's Typos Into Pictures - And They're Brilliant

Company Releases Phone: Review, Price, Features, Specs, Release Date

It's official: a company has released a phone.



The multi-billion-dollar corporation unveiled the design of its latest smartphone at a huge event somewhere in America.



The phone, which is a rectangle made of metal, plastic and glass, is said to be lighter, thinner, stronger, better, faster and more elegant than the previous generation.



smartphone



Above: the new phone







The piece-of-trash previous model, which was described as "more beautiful than the miracle of birth" at its own launch event 12 months ago, is now officially obsolete.



The new phone comes with a slightly better camera and a new style of antenna, which almost certainly will allow you to make phone calls if you're standing exactly next to a mobile phone mast.



It keeps the other core features of the original phone intact, such as the "all-morning" battery and easily cracked screen, which were described by the company as "beloved hallmarks" of the original device.



The new phone was announced alongside the company's new 'smart' watch, which is exactly like a watch except it has a battery that only lasts 12 hours and can tell you when you have a new email if your phone is in your pocket.



The brand new phone will be available in various sizes, colours and configurations, all of which come attached to 48-month contracts with the mobile network of your 'choice'.



Your old phone will be incinerated by the company at no extra cost when you upgrade.



Meanwhile the tech press has already picked up on rumours coming from suppliers in China that the company's new phone - set for release in September 2015 - has already entered pre-production. The unannounced next-gen phone is said to be lighter, thinner, faster and have a higher-resolution screen than the version announced 15 minutes ago. http://ift.tt/1sbnBwd



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xDxoA3

Royal Baby 2 Kate an



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Bulldog Puppy Vs Ice Cube

Want to keep a puppy amused for hours? Why, simply place an ice cube on the floor!



(Because the two are natural enemies, you know.)



Of course, you know what to do if you want to amuse a cat for hours, don't you? This.



(Via Daily Picks And Flicks)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1AuxXYR

Kate and William Royal Baby Number Two Announced

Well we could not let this on get away


Tina Fey Weighs In On The Celebrity Naked Photo Scandal

"All my nudes are very, very extreme close-ups... of my butt," Tina Fey explained to David Letterman when she guested on his show on Friday night.



But it wasn't all celebrity nude photos talk - they also discussed her new film with Amy Poehler, 'The Nest':







And Fey's children - especially her three-year-old daughter, Penelope:





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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1sabVKh

Brain Teaser 9/9/2014

I am something that nothing is, but yet I have a name.

I am sometimes tall and sometimes short.

I join your talks; I join your sport,

And I play in every game.

What am I?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Download Sandlot Games For Free





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Apple's iPhone 6: All The New Features Revealed

Thanks to our spies at Apple*, Huffington Post UK Comedy has managed to get a first look at the new iPhone:



iphone 6 spoof



*David Schneider, David Beresford and Handface



SEE ALSO: Check Out IKEA's Amazing New 'BookBook'



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rzBKPS

The 1883 eruption on Krakatoa produced the loudest sound ever known…

The 1883 eruption on Krakatoa produced the loudest sound ever known it reverberated around the globe 7 times before diminishing. It could be heard 4,000 miles away, and people with in 100 miles had permanent hearing loss.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/YsY1YS

Most of the money George Clooney makes off his Nespresso commercials…

George-Clooney Most of the money George Clooney makes off his Nespresso commercials, he spends on a satellite that surveils Sudanese war criminal and dictator Omar al-Bashir.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/YsY32Q

Out of the 238 years that the United States of America has been a nation…

Out of the 238 years that the United States of America has been a nation, 216 of those years has been in conflict or war, which is about 90% of the time.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1pKMSry

Norah Vincent, A lesbian feminist writer, once disguised herself as a man…

Norah Vincent, A lesbian feminist writer, once disguised herself as a man for 18 months to write a book on gender. After the experiment, she was institutionalized for depression, and stated that she never felt so glad for being a woman.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1pKMSbg

Choco Pies are banned in North Korea because they were getting…

Choco Pies are banned in North Korea because they were getting too popular, and Kim Jung-un feared they would cause an uprising. Because of this, South Korea packed many Choco Pies in balloons and sent them over the boarder to North Korea.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/YsY2Mw

A 2-year-old girl was placed in foster care after her parents got busted…

Alexandria-Hill A 2-year-old girl was placed in foster care after her parents got busted with marijuana. Shortly after, she suffered fatal head injuries at the hands of her new foster parents.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/YsY2Mn

Romans sometimes roasted chicken stuffed inside a duck…

Romans sometimes roasted chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a goose stuffed inside a pig stuffed inside a cow.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1pKMPw3

A recent study found that 67% of men and 25% of women would rather…

A recent study found that 67% of men and 25% of women would rather give themselves an electric shock than be alone with their own thoughts.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/WCPUr1

17 people dancing to ‘I’ve Got the Power’ caused a Korean skyscraper…

17 people dancing to ‘I’ve Got the Power’ caused a Korean skyscraper to shake so violently that it was evacuated for 2 days.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/WCPRLA

A baseball player only needs to spend one day in the major…

Brett-Farve A baseball player only needs to spend one day in the major leagues to earn free healthcare for life.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1qbF7kA

10 Incredibly British Insults

"If you ever get into an argument with a British person, you'll wish you'd have watched this video," writes Anglophenia. And we have to agree.



From 'minger' to 'tosser' - and other delightful phrases - watch Siobhan Thompson's guide to insulting people in the most British way possible.



And if you enjoy it, also check out her guide to British Phrases That Confuse Americans and her wonderful performance of 17 Different British Accents In A Row. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1waF6Qr

This Adorable Dog Has Learned To Walk Upright After Breaking Her Front Legs

Prepare to have your stony hearts melted, people.



Jason Sanders‘ dog recently broke both her front legs when she jumped off a 6ft deck.



The result? She now has bandages around those legs, a cone around her head... and she's learned to walk-slash-hop on her back legs.



Oh, and she's also won the hearts of all the internet. Bless you, little pup!

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1lPpBcX

Today in History for 9th September 2014

Historical Events


1776 - Congress officially renames the country as the United States of America (Was the United Colonies)

1817 - Alexander Lucius Twilight, probably 1st black to graduate from US college, receives BA degree at Middlebury College

1942 - Compulsory work for women, children and old males in Batavia

1962 - WNYS (now WIXT) TV channel 9 in Syracuse, NY (ABC) begins broadcasting

1986 - Minn Tommy Krammer passes for 6 touchdowns vs Green Bay (42-7)

1990 - Oakland beats NY 7-3 to complete a 12-game sweep of Yankees this year


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1878 - Sergio Osmeña, 4th President of the Philippines (d. 1961)

1898 - Frank "Fordham Flash" Frisch, NYC, baseball player (NL MVP 1931)

1926 - Yusuf al-Qaradawi, prominent Egypt Muslim cleric

1960 - Hugh Grant, London England (4 Weddings and a Funeral, 9 Months)

1966 - Alison Sydor, Edmonton Alberta, x-ctry cyclist (Olympics-silver-96)

1978 - Mariano Puerta, Argentine tennis player


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1683 - Algernon Sidney, English Whig politician/plotter, beheaded

1913 - Count Paul J Smet de Naeyer, Belgian politician, dies

1978 - Hugh MacDiarmid, Scottish poet (b. 1892)

1996 - Bill Monroe, bluegrass vocalist (created bluegrass music), dies at 84

1996 - William Smith Monroe, bluegrass musician, dies at 84

2006 - Richard Burmer, American composer and musician (b. 1955)


More Famous Deaths »






from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/OxMo8h

The Muppets Sing Pharrell Williams And Miley Cyrus's 'Come Get It Bae'

Specifically: Grover and Miss Piggy - backed by the rest of their Muppets and Sesame Street pals - sing Pharrell Williams And Miley Cyrus's 'Come Get It Bae'.



And it's an utter joy.



Thanks once again to Adam Schleichkorn, aka Mylo The Cat for another marvellous Muppets mash-up. If you haven't already, do check out his videos of The Muppets doing The Beastie Boys, Grover singing Daft Punk and Fozzie Bear performing Bob Marley. Trust us: they won't disappoint.

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1tGPD4I