Friday, 31 October 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Nov 01, 2014)

Word Fusion 14



Each statement describes two words that when fused together create an unrelated word. The clues do not necessarily indicate the order of the two words. The pronunciation of the new word is not necessarily the same as the individual words. Example: This is the oldness of a tablet (pill + age = pillage).



1) This is the loud and wild talk of a mongrel dog.

2) This is hair from a gymnastics surface.

3) This is only frozen water.

4) This piece of lumber is made of stellar material.





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





from Braingle's Teasers http://ift.tt/1fYO2jw

via 3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com

Outside the Box

2014-10-31-takenatknock2bag.jpg

(Photo by Fung Wah Man. Taken at Knock2bag)







I don't want to pick a fight necessarily but the stand up boom in the UK has subsided, this industry properly sucks, I'm off and I wish it a fiery death...



Do I need to put a wink-face emoticon here?



Come late January-February 2015 I've decided to follow in the footsteps of Doug Stanhope and Neil Hamburger and peel off from the comedy club circuit. Only I'm willing to go one step further and tour absolutely anywhere but. Already we have booked a burrito bar, a zoo, a comic book shop and a dungeons and dragons café. Ultimately I want to do a gig in someone's lounge room.



(If this appeals to you feel free to go here and pledge.)



Because something is not quite right in the comedy clubs of the UK - increasingly I've had punters, who wanted to hear what I had to say, apologise to me on behalf of their fellow audience members because a stag do didn't know when to shut up or a drunk woman in the front row thought it was her place to insert herself into everything I was saying: agreeing or disagreeing loudly as she saw fit. Next year, when I hit the road, who doesn't find me is every bit as important who does.



I am aware that this is the UK and the British pride themselves on their sense of humour. A brag usually followed with a declaration so lacking in self-awareness that it couldn't possibly be coupled with well exercised funny bones: "I think it's because of our ability to laugh at ourselves" Oh how noble. Why thank you masser. We-sa all-sa glad the master race can laff at yo-selves.



Speaking as a comic on the international scene, I hate to shatter this illusion (Clearly I don't. I'd say it's fairly obvious I revel in doing so) but pretty much every country and culture on the planet wants to hear jokes at their expense- particularly from an outsider's point of view. They just don't consider it magnanimous or anything particularly special. But I am finding increasingly that UK audiences are willing to laugh at only themselves.



Clearly we live in the age of the "selfie" both figuratively and literally. If people feel it's "their" night out and they don't immediately see themselves in what you're doing or saying not only do they not laugh but they're more than a little outraged.



Personally I've always thought the aim of this art form was to find a voice and point of view not normally heard. Ultimately I like to leave people thinking, "I never looked at it that way" or, at the very least, "My sides hurt, that guy made nonsense sound viable". Not, "Yes. I do that. I think that. I feel that. My partner does that. Me me me" And yet last time I checked, it's supposed to be our act. The audience doesn't get to feature in it from start to finish - the Rolling Stones wouldn't sound better if I played base.



Additionally, it is nothing short of staggering what people deem controversial in the age of the "selfie": completely unwilling to dig through even the most wafer thin layer of face value to uncover the simplest of subtext. There are die-hard comedy fans that enjoy the mental arithmetic of digging and there are comedy goers who work hard all week and (perhaps rightfully) want a night off.



In the latter environment comedians don't find a voice, they just learn to do what works. Leaving true fans of the art unsatisfied and frustrated. Certainly there is a need for casual fans to unwind and I learned long ago not to resent anywhere I don't belong. Just move on.



Because, in comedy, when the going gets tough, the tough run and hide.



Tour dates already booked can be found here (With more to come).



And if you like the sound of this and think you might have the right place (50-80 seaters, the quirkier the better) in your town email: michael@perfectstrangerscomedy.com http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2014-10-31-takenatknock2bag-thumb.jpg



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/brendon-burns/brendon-burns-standup-comedy-in-the-uk_b_6081522.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy

European Comedy Tour Journal, Day One: Vienna

I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour




Day: One



Date: 27 October 2014



Destination: Vienna (Austria)



Subject: Daniel Sloss





Dear Journal,

Today I embark on my most comprehensive study to date, I have been enrolled by MZA-Artists to accompany their flagship client Daniel Sloss on a three week excursion across Europe, the experiment has been set up under the guise of a "comedy tour" in which we will perform stand up comedy in various European cities in succession. I will be posing as his support act and it is paramount to the study that the subject is unaware of my true role in this endeavour as his observer. While the subject sleeps on the flights between locations I will update this journal on his behavioural patterns in accordance with the various social stimulations encountered on our travels. The results of this social experiment will be available online via my blog and social media pages.



11:30

The subject started his day how I expected him to start the day, with utter ambivalence, based on my previous research I have found he tends to show no outward positive emotions such as excitement, whether or not he feels these emotions inside is unknown, but if he does there is no trace of it in his facial expression or general demeanour. I think he has high expectations for the day ahead however because he washed this morning. We are currently airborne and headed towards our first destination, Vienna (via Amsterdam) I asked him if he had ever been to Vienna before while we were in the departure lounge and he nearly looked away from his iPhone to respond. He ordered a bacon sandwich and left the bacon, this behaviour is most peculiar, maybe he wanted to order just bread but didn't want the girl serving him to think he was a duck.



The hostess on this KLM flight just give me a free cup of coffee and a biscuit then asked if my companion, who is in a state of slumber, would also like a cup of coffee and a biscuit, I kindly accepted on his behalf and then proceeded to devour them myself. He will never know.



As we start our descent onto European soil my main anxiety is in my subject's ability to survive without 3G for an extended period of time, his systems may in fact shut down if he goes without tinder for too long, it will be my duty to usher him safely between wifi hotspots until he climatises to the change. Constant data flowing through his devices appears to be the subjects lifeblood, depravation could result in him entering a vegetative and catatonic state of consciousness. This would be detrimental to our trials... We've landed, I'm in too deep to turn back now.



13:00

We had to hurry to catch our connect flight at Schiphol, Daniel's impatience was piqued when we were held up at security by the lady in front of us at passport control casually chatting to the guard and holding up the queue, as soon as their conversation length exceeded that of the usual transaction Daniel kindly suggested that the pair added one another on Facebook and caught up in their own time, he did not address them directly but took the interesting approach of landing the suggestion near enough to them for it to invade their personal space. It was very effective. We still had to sprint however and my T-shirt is currently stuck to my back. My subject is already asleep as we ascend for the second time today, I'm looking forward to my coffees and biscuits.



18:00

There is food in our stomaches, drinks in our glasses and warmth in our hearts. We have been treated with the utmost hospitality from our wonderful hosts Liddy, Chris and Norman here in Vienna, it is astonishing how seriously they are taking my project. My subject seems to come to life when receiving generosity and his status is happy.



21:30

I need to keep my sight on the goal, I had so much fun on stage I almost forgot about the reason I'm here, I would definitely consider a career in stand up comedy if I wasn't a spy. Daniel is on stage as I write, the observation I made earlier about his outward display of positive emotion (or lack there of) seems to be rendered nullified when the boy is on stage, it's like there is an emptiness in him that can only be filled by the approval of strangers



21:35

The toilets in Austria have a flat, dry, porcelain shelf that catches your poo and shows it to you, so you can inspect it, you don't necessarily want to inspect it but when yesterday's lunch is served to you like a beached barnacle on an otherwise pristine shore you can't help but spare a moment to admire the gift you have left for yourself. Just hanging there in poo purgatory awaiting it's fate.



02:70

Well isn't Vienna just lovely, I thought I would test my subjects responses to alcohol and through nothing but sheer dedication to my cause I self administered myself with the same dosage as he so not to raise his suspicions. The results were astounding, we befriended upwards of a dozen Austrians and had a lengthy debate with them about Tom and Jerry, I will post more about my findings once my inebriation has alleviated. Our train to Prague is in five hours, I must get some rest.



Signing off,



Kai Humphries http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/kai-humphries/european-comedy-tour_b_6080460.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy

The Week In Funny Pictures

Nigel Farage, Andrew Lawrence and Ukip - The Biggest Whiners in Society

Right-wingers are the most whinging, whining, self-pitying, intellectually frightened milksops going. If right wingers are supposed to be tough-guys, then Nigel Farage - the pied piper of twats - needs to have a word with the lily-livered doormats that constitute the rank and file of his twats brigade.



Last week a comedian called Andrew Lawrence outed himself as a bigot in a Facebook post attacking "ethnic comedians and women posing as comedians". In it he somehow managed to link his dislike of a BBC comedy panel show to Britain's immigration policy. It was an insane connection to make. It made no sense then and it makes no sense now.



He then tried to clarify his position on women by talking about "females" as if he was a vet being interviewed on Countryfile - and he displayed ignorance of his privilege as a white man in his clarification of "ethnic comedians".



In this clarification he seemed unable to comprehend a world where skin colour and ethnicity are something people who aren't Andrew Lawrence have to think about on a daily basis. As a result he wants them to shut up and be invisible.



When people legitimately challenged Andrew's point of view - providing him with logic, evidence and counter-argument - Andrew did what any Ukip-loving coward does - he hid behind a paranoid and imagined claim of persecution to avoid responding to the challenges leveled his way.



That's because it's difficult to offer decent arguments when you're wrong and bigotry is all you have to fall back on.



A witch-hunt he called it. But this was and continues to be utter nonsense. It is a lame-arse tactic from those on the right who attempt to derail any scrutiny of their sloganeering and unsubstantiated claims.



More than anything, it is comical and revealing to see right wingers who constantly bemoan there not being a proper discussion about immigration immediately shut down any debate about immigration when their world view is challenged.



This is how Andrew Lawrence and his supporters went:



"I hate immigrants and women and ethnic minorities. Why? It's just how I feel okay. It's just my opinion. Don't stand there and try to make me justify it with evidence and logic and reasoned arguments. It's just my opinion. I'm shutting down the debate. Because it's just my opinion. And you're not allowed to challenge me with counter-opinions. What is this? A witch-hunt? Don't persecute me. This is a conspiracy. A militant, liberal, BBC, PC brigade conspiracy. I'm just saying my opinion. Stop challenging my opinion with your opinion. That's not fair. This is bullying. You're bullying me because you're challenging the values I've put into the public domain. That's not fair. I should be able to say what I want and not have it countered or challenged. I shouldn't have to back up my strident claims. This isn't how public debate takes place. This is bullshit!"



And this has been the response of nearly every whining adult baby defending Andrew Lawrence - all attempting to shift attention away from the arguments countering their world view.



Above all, these self-pitying, hard done by right wingers fail to understand the history of how human interaction takes place, namely: one person says an idea - then another person responds with another idea. That's democracy boys. If you don't like it Ukipers - go and live somewhere else. This is England. This is Britain. If you don't like our values then you should sod off somewhere else. One person coming up with an opinion to counter your own is not them trying to censor you. It's them doing exactly what you do. It's offering an opinion.



And if they do so stridently and forcefully, then defend your position stridently and forcefully if you still believe in your original statement. This crying and whining from those putting out big views and not being able to handle a big response is embarrassing.



And so enter Nigel Farage, who crept out of his crypt to put an arm round Andrew like a Dracula sugar-daddy.



"I do feel sorry for Mr Lawrence," he writes in the Independent. "I'm sure it must be somewhat disconcerting for him to be embroiled in all of this just for speaking his mind."



Right there Nigel Farage does everything I've highlighted above. The maudlin self-pity is there. The imagined persecution. The lie that an individual is being attacked for speaking their mind rather than it being the ideas they express which are being attacked. This lie that is calculated to grant someone immunity from being challenged. This lie that attempts to shift the debate into a blind alley of right wing martyrdom - a disingenuous battleground chosen on their own terms where they are no longer subject to the rules of evidence, logic, reason or argument.



Despite Andrew Lawrence, UKIP and Nigel Farage bleating about the right to be heard - they actually hate the democratic exchange of ideas - they hate it and run away from it - they cry, they moan, they bitch and they protest - because it leaves them open to scrutiny and exposes how flimsy their world view is. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/lee-kern/nigel-farage-andrew-lawrence_b_6082256.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy

22 Pets Who Are Completely Unconvinced By Their Halloween Costumes

The Artoo-Detoo

yd6






from You Drive What http://youdrivewhat.com/the-artoo-detoo/

via IFTTT

Berbie

yd5






from You Drive What http://youdrivewhat.com/berbie/

via IFTTT

The Week In 50 Funny Tweets: Starring #AskNigelFarage, Russell Brand And Halloween

October's Funniest News Bloopers

From strange goings-on in the background to, well, strange goings-on in the foreground, NewsBeFunny does what it says on the tin and rounds up the month's finest, funniest live news fails. Who'd be a reporter, eh?!



SEE ALSO:



http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1paCssl

Nigel Farage Hits Back At 'Liberally Biased' Comedians After Frankie Boyle C*** Insult

Nigel Farage has fired back at "liberally biased" comedians after being branded a c*** by Frankie Boyle.



In a fiercely worded article against the BBC and its comedy panel shows, such as Mock The Week and Have I Got News For You, Farage accused Boyle of attempting to "resurrect his own career" on the back of a simmering controversy kicked off by right-wing comic Andrew Lawrence.



The war of words began after the Ukip leader highlighted an article by Lawrence in which the comedian slammed the “ageing, balding, fat men, ethnic comedians and women-posing-as-comedians” on Mock The Week.













READ MORE: Frankie Boyle Calls Nigel Farage A C*** Over Andrew Lawrence Article





Farage, sharing the post, praised Lawrence’s “honesty” and immediately faced Boyle's wrath.

















But now, writing in his column for The Independent, Farage condemned the reactions to Lawrence’s initial Facebook post and dismissed them as simply the views of the "liberal elites" who "can’t get their heads around" Ukip's growing popularity.



"Luvvies look after themselves and look after their own, and when they sense a whiff of dissent in the ranks, first they close-up, then they start flailing wildly," he wrote.



"There’s no rational response. There’s no such thing as, 'Ah, that’s interesting. We should discuss that'," he added.



frankie boyle

Comedian Frankie Boyle





“Call me a narcissist, but I love saving jocular ’toons and caricatures about myself or Ukip – even when they’re not flattering,” he added. “But sometimes these guys just get lazy, don’t they?



Discussing the "cheap" and "easy" gags often made at Ukip's expense, Farage referred to a recent Times cartoon of him in an embrace with Adolf Hitler along with this week's controversial Guardian article on the Tower Of London poppy display.



“One week I’m Hitler’s buddy, then next week the Tower of London’s Poppy Memorial is hailed as “Ukip-style” attraction in The Guardian," he wrote. "Well – which is it? Am I pro-freedom, or anti-freedom? Am I a modern Hitler or a modern Churchill?”



nigel farage



SEE ALSO: Andrew Lawrence's Dangerous Ideas About Comedy Need to Be Challenged





“The great comedians who they all grew up watching: George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Rik Mayall, and Joan Rivers would all have been a touch more interesting, and were always a lot less predictable than this lot are,” he concludes.



“With the power of social media, and the decline of mainstream monopolies, the relentless bores are going to find it much harder to stay relevant, or even solvent.”



Earlier in the week, in tweets which have since been deleted, Dara Ă“ Briain, scathingly responded to the Lawrence comments.



"Ah Andrew, great to have you here. We were missing your bitter, self-delusional take on this," he wrote.



"No-one cares if you have different politics but claiming we just pretend not to agree to get work? Stop kidding yourself.



"Still, I can understand you wouldn't like to have to now actually justify your ridiculous assertions. Easier to post and run... I'll send your best to the women and ethnics. You stay classy."



After a barrage of criticism on Twitter, Lawrence further reiterated his point on his Facebook page.













And then added some clarifications.









http://ift.tt/1zlSaE3



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1paCtwc

'Fifty Sheds Of Grey: Three In A Shed' Spoof Trailer Completes Parody Trilogy Of Garden Erotica (VIDEO)

Groom Drops Bride On Way To Wedding Reception

There's sweeping your bride off her feet...



...and there's sweeping her off her feet, only to drop her. Whoops!



Still, at least she had a good giggle about it. "He was like ‘Are you okay?’ and I was like ‘Yeah, I’m fine’," Julia Magdeleno told ABC News about her new husband Chad Kannard's blunder. "I had a cut on my forearm and he was like, ‘You’re bleeding’ and I was like ‘I am?’"



"I was kind of sore the next day but, I mean, when you fall onto the cement, of course you’re going to be sore."



Well, of course. We do hope there was a lot of champagne at the reception to dull the pain, Julia...



SEE ALSO: How To Have The Perfect Wedding

http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wNdbF4

Happy Day of a Pumpkin!


I still believe in the Miracle of the Great Pumpkin…









from Engrish.com http://ift.tt/1xHM8th

Brain Teaser 10/31/2014

I can contort into many fantastic shapes, and

can form one thing even after being run through a grate.

I can appear in many different guises, and

Am to be won among Halloween prizes.

WHAT AM I?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Download Gamehouse Games For Free





from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1q7ENz4

3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com

This Father And Son's MechWarrior Halloween Costume Is Incredible

Ryan Bowen - and your six-month-old son Geraint - we applaud you.



For your Halloween costume is really quite something.



Specifically: it's the Sunder from the MechWarrior video game series.









Source: Imgur



"My husband had this costume planned for several years, long before we had a child. The inspiration was a computer game he played in high school. When we found out we were having a baby, he got to work," explains Ryan's wife on Imgur. "Ryan sketched out the rough designs probably two months before Geraint was born. With so much baby stuff coming in the mail, we had plenty of boxes for him to work with, so he just had to buy a few things to make it."



Those few things included PVC, zip ties, foam board, and lots of velcro tape. And the result, as we're sure you'll agree, is amazing - even if you've never played a game of MechWarrior in your life. Check out Imgur for more pictures.





Source: Imgur



SEE ALSO:







(Via Tastefully Offensive) http://ift.tt/107iGlx



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/107iGlA

This Lego Minifig 'Emmet' Costume Just Won Halloween

Halloween is a lot easier to cope with when you're a kid if your dad can make you a Lego minifig costume so good that it looks like you're actually a giant toy come to life.



Also, if his cousin then posts it on Imgur and Reddit and gets the entire internet to salute his - and by extension your - genius.



Dad of the year. No question.



And what's more, the original poster has published his instructions for making it - so you can do it yourself if you have the talent, time and, let's face it, love for your child that this genius clearly does.



http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zQx4in

Frank Bourassa is a confident man. “I can do anything…

Frank Bourassa is a confident man. “I can do anything I want. I can go to the moon. I’m good at figuring out stuff. I could do a heart transplant if I wanted to.” He’s not cocky, he’s confident with good reason. He made more than $200 million in fake currency that was so good it fooled the Secret Service and he walked away from the whole thing a free and wealthy man.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1wM1wVi

In 1986, when a five year old boy fell into a gorilla…

Jambo In 1986, when a five year old boy fell into a gorilla enclosure and lost consciousness, a large male gorilla named Jambo stood between the boy and the other gorillas in a protective gesture, even stroking the boy’s back. The incident helped create a positive public perception of gorillas.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1pa6pZw

In order to discover that penguins sleep more deeply…

In order to discover that penguins sleep more deeply in the afternoon, scientists crept up on sleeping king penguins at different times of the day and poked them with a stick until they woke up. It took around nine pokes to rouse a bird from an afternoon nap – five to wake one sleeping in the morning.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1rZjkZF

Guards at New Mexico State Penitentiary had…

Guards at New Mexico State Penitentiary had a “snitch game”. They would label inmates as snitches, let them be abused, and wait for them to turn into informants to escape their tormentors.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1pa6r3s

In 1849 New York, a man would walk up to strangers…

In 1849 New York, a man would walk up to strangers and begin a conversation. Gaining their trust, he would ask “Have you the confidence to trust me with your watch until tomorrow?” He would never return. When finally caught, he was labeled a “confidence man”, later shortened to simply “con man”. The man, William Thompson, would reportedly gain the confidence of his upper-class “mark” by dressing very nicely and pretending to be an old, forgotten friend. He was eventually arrested when one of his former victims recognized him on the street.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1rFHrvj

If pigs are not castrated the meat…

pork If pigs are not castrated the meat will have an unpleasant odor when cooked; referred to as “Boar Taint.” With the feral pig explosion across many parts of North American hunters have developed the practice of “Twice hunting”. Hunters trap the male boars, take their testicles off (yikes), and then release the pigs for several months or up to a year before hunting them a second time and killing them. When the pigs are spayed the tend to graze a lot more and spend less time getting into fights. Their hormones obviously change as well which affect the muscle tissue of the sterile pigs.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1rFHpDI

Today in History for 31st October 2014

Historical Events


1918 - Short-lived Banat Republic founded in territory where Romania, Hungary and Serbia meet

1922 - Karel and Josef Capék's "World We Live In" premieres in NYC

1954 - Betsy Rawls wins LPGA Texas Golf Open

1985 - Last day in Test cricket for Zaheer Abbas

1987 - 1st jockey to win 9 races in 1 day (Chris Antley at Belmont)

1994 - American Eagle ATR-72 crash down at Gary, Indiana: 68 killed


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1599 - Denzil Holles, 1st Baron Holles, English statesman and writer (d. 1680)

1848 - Boston Custer, brother of George Armstrong Custer (d. 1876)

1898 - Alfred Sauvy, French statistician (Affluence and Population)

1902 - Abraham Wald, Hungarian mathematician (d. 1950)

1970 - Johnny Moeller, American blues guitarist

1974 - Julie Minta Gleneck, Miss New Hampshire USA (1996)


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1448 - Johannes VIII Palaeologus, Emperor of Byzantine, dies

1654 - Francisco Correa de Arauxo, composer, dies

1765 - Duke of Cumberland, English politician/uncle of George III, dies

1881 - George Washington De Long, American Arctic Explorer, dies during his disastrous expedition to the North Pole at 37

1887 - George Alexander Macfarren, composer, dies at 74

1969 - Hugo Pfister, composer, dies at 55


More Famous Deaths »






from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/RssHCk