Friday, 7 November 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Nov 08, 2014)

Before the Rest



When I get there before the rest I get a nice surprise,

But all the rest that follow me see nothing 'fore their eyes,

And though I may be trapped and caught and held there in your palm,

There's another couple of me somewhere else, that you might harm,

For if your aim is true or if you are a lucky shot

With a rock, another pair of me, though dead, is what you've got.

Now fit the clues together and decipher this short quiz,

From the lines of rhyme seen up above tell me what this thing is.





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





from Braingle's Teasers http://ift.tt/1fYO2jw

via 3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com

European Comedy Tour Journal, Day Four: Tallinn

I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour.



Day: Four



Date: 30 October 2014



Destination: Tallinn



Subject: Daniel Sloss



09:45

We are taxiing the runway in Vilnius bound for Estonia, already my subject's consciousness has lapsed and the vehicle of flesh and bones he uses to express himself in the physical realm has been left unattended while his mind meanders through a distant dreamland. It must take a lot of work for Daniel to keep his face together in his waking hours because it's natural fall is that of a 'Chronic' as described by Ken Kasey in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. If I didn't know the man already and this was my first impression of him I'd make the fair assumption that he is paralysed from the neck up.



As the cabin readies for take off, I have taken it upon myself, rather mischievously, to alter my subject's surroundings while he is unaware. I have lowered his tray table, elevated his arm rest, reclined his seat, unclipped his seatbelt and closed his window blind, the stewardess is heading methodically in our direction closing the overhead storage bins and checking the conformity of her temporary hostages. I am fighting a wry smile in anticipation of the impending confrontation.



09:50

The experiment was a huge success, I imagine if my subject was attached to an ECG monitor the display would be a colourful array of activity, it was magnificent to witness the way his loose face tightened instantaneously as his skin vacuum sealed to his face meat when the hostile interference of our dictator caused him to rapidly regain operation. His eyes widened, awake but not yet sentient, I saw anger and confusion flash through him from opposing directions and clash to create an emotion yet to be named by the English language. It was a joy to behold.



09:55

Daniel is asleep.



17:00

We have spent the afternoon with one of my field agents, Louis Zezeran, a cheerful Australian gentleman who has infectious optimism and ambition in abundance, an asset to Estonia's entertainment industry. Louis has spearheaded this particular mission and managed to sell upwards of 450 tickets for tonight's show in Tallinn. Just to put that into perspective I must point out that Estonia has a population of 1.3 million residents, so by that ratio it is the statistical equivalent of filling 23'000 seats in a British arena, a feat that the football club Crystal Palace often fail to achieve. Despite bearing the weight of such an operation Louis still took the time out to casually show us around the aesthetically charming sights of Tallinn's old town. Then Daniel had a nap.



02:41

The adrenalin and alcohol have entered my subject's blood stream in perfect measure this evening, I of course have maintained the same level of consumption in order to conclusively monitor results, and I must say, this is starting to feel a lot less like work. My subject and I experienced one shift in emotion tonight when we entered the realm of bemusement on discovering the Estonian people who we had fallen in love with are so casually racist (amongst other unnecessary ist's and ic's) that it almost surpasses offensive and becomes comical. It was brought to my attention that there is a popular TV show in which white Estonian public figures 'black up' for the purpose of entertainment. I was also informed by a group of lovely young gentleman that during the live radio coverage of the Eurovision Song Contest they partake in a drinking game in which they consume a small vessel of vodka every time the broadcaster uses derogatory words beginning with N or F to denote the colour or sexual orientation of the show's competitors. Allegedly this activity can result in you being rather intoxicated by the end of the radio transmission. Daniel and I quite firmly stated our disagreement with this cultural behaviour and questioned the authenticity of the facts we were receiving but the gentlemen insisted their information was not fictitious and despite being immersed in this environment they appeared to share our bewilderment.



Signing off... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1sf63eM

Tokyo has a self-declared superhero who calls himself…

mangetsu Tokyo has a self-declared superhero who calls himself Mangetsu Man. He keeps his identity secret by wearing a purple bodysuit, with a big yellow smiley head; and his self-described job is to keep the city trash free.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1GxNJbj

Harvard University has severe grade inflation…

Harvard University has severe grade inflation. The most common grade is an A, and the median grade is an A-.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1xd0sLg

Amazon's Echo Speaker Parody Video: Creepier Than You Realised

We realised Amazon's Echo speaker was ripe for parody.



We didn't realise it would be this funny, or that the parodies would come this quickly...http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1sndy4k

Author Phillip Roth attempted to edit a Wikipedia entry…

Author Phillip Roth attempted to edit a Wikipedia entry for his novel ‘The Human Stain’ because the article misattributed the inspiration for one of his characters. The ‘English Wikipedia Administrator’ told Roth he was not a credible source and that he needed a secondary source.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1u6LXbU

The concept of the “rap battle” has existed since…

Flyting-cropped The concept of the “rap battle” has existed since the 5th century, where poets would engage in “flyting,” a spoken word event where poets would insult one another in verse. The Norse god Loki is noted as having insulted other gods in verse.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1yeexau

In Sweden, you can take sick leave during your…

In Sweden, you can take sick leave during your vacation if you are ill.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1yeevj3

Not all Kamikaze were volunteers…

Not all Kamikaze were volunteers, ”It’s all a lie that they left filled with braveness and joy, crying, ‘Long live the emperor!’ They were sheep at a slaughterhouse. Everybody was looking down and tottering. Some were unable to stand up and were carried and pushed into the plane by soldiers.”






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1tQav9i

Euphoria can be a symptom of syphilis due to…

euphoria Euphoria can be a symptom of syphilis due to its effects on the nervous system.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1vUJTk3

In 1999, Google was almost sold for $750,000 because…

In 1999, Google was almost sold for $750,000 because the founders needed more time to study their schoolwork.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1zAsaF4

This Week's Funniest News Pictures

The Week In 50 Funny Tweets: Starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Bonfire Night And The John Lewis Christmas Advert

Why You Should Never Use A Soda Stream To Make DIY Sparkling Wine

See what happens when you leave a father and son at home with a bottle of wine?!



"My son Noah and I using Soda Stream machine to make sparkling wine," writes YouTube Larry G.



Fast forward to 1.20 to watch the magic happen. (Slightly NSFW language at the end. Perhaps understandably.)



(Via 22 Words) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1pvt6HJ

How Dapper Laughs Has Got It All So Wrong

So I have actually sat through an episode of this guy's show. I know some friends of mine potentially worked on this show, so I'll keep my opinions on that quiet and instead focus on the 'character' himself, which I presume he engineered on his own. First of all, I'm not against this kind of person being explored in comedy. For example, the Dapper Laughs-esque character was done so much better by Leigh Francis years ago. Because the joke is on the character - http://t.co/MuRUaF2yVb.



What my biggest problem is is that there is no redemption with Dapper Laughs. He never puts himself in any situations that undermine him. That's a big problem in comedy and I think a big underlining statement about the real man behind Dapper. He clearly sees this guy as extension of himself.



It's obvious he's happy to promote misogyny and general twattishness because he is now a wealthy, 'successful' entertainer. He's living the real-life Dapper Laughs lifestyle, methodically. It gets him laid. It gets him paid. It gives this ordinary bloke easy fame. He is morally bankrupt as a result of it, but then are so many reality TV 'stars' these days so why should *he* care?



Of course, we - the Twitterati and co - care, because we do not want his target demographic - young men - to think the way he acts to be either acceptable or funny. It just undoes all the hard work we've done as a society to try to promote equality. And this is why he is so offensive.



Dapper Laughs has already made it impossible to parody this character 'cos he's already done something that is the worst it could be. Even more depressing is that he could so easily have been something funny and good with few changes. Had the joke been on him, not women.



I had the idea to do something similar as a guy called Absolute Playa. But he was a begfriend, wannabe media socialite, who would try to impress girls with how many Twitter followers he had, rather than the size of his girth.



The joke being this he was so desperate to look cool, that in these attempts to do so, he would look completely stupid but deep down, you knew he meant well - he was just yearned to be liked, like we all secretly do.



Dapper, on the other hand, in his Vines and now TV show, creates a world where nobody is given a right to reply. There is no empathy, there is no redemption to explain why he is such a massive bellend. He just is. And that's probably because his creator is too.



The sad part about all this Dapper Laughs business is that, after all the online thinkpieces (including mine), he will be even more famous than he was before this Christmas album/Shelter business kicked off. He'll be "loving this", no doubt.



Why wouldn't the likes of ITV2 want to keep promoting a guy who clearly knows how to get the liberals knickers in a twist and also entertain the naive and impressionable young men who will lap up his sexist and offensive piss-taking and be the same type of kids who buy novelty Christmas singles from Bob the Builder because it's "banter".



What a horrible indictment of modern life. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1se3tpe

Mrs Mountable on 'The Comedy Cannibal at Large'

Reality TV star of "Celebrity Carwash" and presenter of "The Voice Factor" backstage companion show "I'm doing this for my dead hampster", Mrs Mountable shares her thoughts on the week's main event



As I have detailed previously to my loyal and widespread following, my loyalties to the once proud and unbowed David Cameron have taken a turn for the faltering, since I became au fait with the silver fox, and silver tongued, plain speaker Nigel Farage.



He just makes sense dears, and I'll tell you for why.



Ever since David let us all down with his insistence upon DESTROYING the institution of Christian marriage with his equality waffle, I have come to think less of him.



Whereas previously, his iron fisting of the welfare state and it's scroungers, left me gasping for a multi palpitational, breath of admiration, this issue has disappointed one immensely.



It's beyond one.



Slinking in stage far-right however, is the imposing jocular form of the man of the moment, Nigel.



He has amongst his ranks many who feel. as I indeed do, that liberal namby pamby cosseting of those who can and THOSE WHO WON'T must end.



One and many ones like one, feel that Fritz and Jean Claude must be stopped from destroying all that is holy, good, decent and beautiful in this fair land with their "equality this" and "diversity that" waffle.



I'm also very concerned with the infiltration of show-business by these types who would, at the drop of a hat have all The Archers speaking French by tea time.



It was with some sadness that I note, a young man, a young comedy-man, faced a similar onslaught of ATTACK and BULLYING when he attempted to pose the very real points that :

1)Women aren't funny.

b)Ukip is correct.

5)The BBC is run by hippies.



I am able to recall "so called" summers of love and I can assure you those dark days still haunt my thoughts, as being ones during which, front bottoms were waved around willy-nilly and were, as memory serves "hallucinogenic heavy" and "deodorant light"



I SAY NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN.



If the BBC insists on this type of thing, I shall protest with my keyboard, utilising the finest of all broadcasting traditions, as only a decent person can; a strongly worded letter of complaint.



They ignore a mother's tears at their peril.



Some other comedy-mens have addressed the issues raised by young Andrew. To use comedy-mans vernacular:



An English man, an Irish man and a Scots man walked into a bar.



IT WAS AN IRON BAR OF TRUTH



Because they are wrong, wrong, wrong and young Andrew is far RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT-err than they could ever be.



It's just free speech in the face of all this "PC gone mad" and in the case of that Bruce Lee, a comedy-man whom I note attempted to BAN JESUS, well, what more can one say, that one hasn't seen said, by sense sayers, before?



If it wasn't for the fact that he is married to Agatha Christie, whose books I have enjoyed on many occasions, well, there would simply be nothing to recommend him.



The murdering of truth, by him, IS NO MYSTERY TO ME.



Anyway inspired by Andrew's fearlessness, I equipped myself with tape recorder, and embarked on an odyssey of enlightenment to check whether others felt as Andrew and Nigel and myself do, do, that there is at play in the heart of popular humour, a secretive, liberal, comedy cannibal.



I located in the darker reaches of town a public house, offering open microphone evenings of comedy. Here I found amongst the "bra burning this", and "my old man is a dustman" that, type of comedy-man, a young man, very much in the mould of those who would find no shame is alighting the stage at the next Ukip conference.



We talked at length and it was most illuminating. Which is more than can be said for the dreadful, urine drenched corridor, which we inhabited for our conversation.



In conclusion, I'm adhering to Peter Patrickson's wishes to remain entirely anonymous, by giving him a hilarious punning word play fake name.



Take that liberals.



Here he is, for your enlightenment.



My compelling interview with MANDREW



Take care, Your friend Mrs M x





Follow Mrs Mountable for more wisdom on Twitter @MrsMountable http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1se3qK3

Sea Lion Chases Boat, Climbs On Board And Grabs A Fish

Well, here's something you don't see every day.



Check out the sea lion that was following a fishing boat travelling at 25mph, leapt on board (when they opened up the back of said boat), nabbed a fish, and jumped off again.



Sea lions. Clearly the opportunists of the sea world.



(Via LiveLeak) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/10DNxpZ

Why You Should Never Try To Climb Up On A Roof (Especially If You're Only Wearing A Towel)

Yes, you know what's coming...



...or do you?!



Because this video supplies not one but TWO moments of glorious slapstick. Oh, yes.



SEE ALSO:

October's Funniest Fails



(Via eBaum's World)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vTHaaC

Brain Teaser 11/7/2014

Four men and four women are shipwrecked on a desert island. Eventually each one falls in love with one another, and is himself loved by one person. John falls in love with a girl who is in love with Jim. Arthur loves a girl who loves the man who loves Ellen. Mary is loved by the man who is loved by the girl who is loved by Bruce. Gloria hates Bruce and is hated by the man whom Hazel loves. Enigma: Who loves Arthur?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Got Some Time For Word Jumble....





from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1yd9FT8

3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com

Taylor Swift's 'Shake It Off' Fits Perfectly With This Aerobics Video From 1989

#AlexFromTarget Appears On 'Ellen', Because Nothing Makes Sense

In the inexplicable world of things "going viral, I guess", there has only been one story in town this week: #alexfromtarget.



Roughly defined as just some guy in a picture who is now incredibly famous for no reason -- and because he is incredibly famous for no reason, the boy in the red T-shirt is now firmly entrenched as an unimpeachable cultural icon.



Who might be fake. Or not. Probably not.



Anyway, this sixteen-year-old kid is now so famous that he appeared on the Ellen chat show on Thursday, and instantly set the world of Twitter alight again.



So let's hear what this worthy winner of the game of life has to say for himself:



http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1GwBhIR

Today in History for 7th November 2014

Historical Events


1637 - Anne Hutchinson tried in Massachusetts Bay Colony as a heretic

1831 - State of Gran Colombia disbands

1918 - United Press erroneously reports WW I armistice had been signed

1921 - Ed Wynn's musical "Perfect Fool," premieres in NYC

1984 - STS 51-A launch scrubbed because of high shear winds

1989 - NYC elects it's 1st black mayor (Dinkins) and female comp (Holtzman)


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1846 - Ignaz Brull, composer

1876 - Ted Arnold, cricketer (England all-rounder in 10 Tests 1903-05)

1897 - Ruth Pitter, British poet and 1st woman to receive the Queen's Gold Medal for Poetry in 1955

1943 - Stephen Greenblatt, American literary critic

1971 - Jamie Drummond, Scottish/Canadian Sommelier

1981 - Anushka Shetty, Tollywood Film Actress


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1560 - Peter S Lotichius, [Peter Lotz], German poet (Opera omnia), dies

1633 - Cornelis Drebbel, physicist/chemist/inventor (builder of the first submarine), dies

1978 - Gene Tunney, former heavyweight boxing champ (1926-28), dies at 80

1995 - John Patrick, screenwriter, dies at 90

1995 - Melvin "Slappy" White, comedian, dies of heart attack at 74

2000 - Queen Ingrid, Queen Dowager of Denmark (b. 1910)


More Famous Deaths »






from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/PDfW8m