I have such a hard time throwing away even the smallest scraps. These were drops from some puzzle blocks that a man ordered, just too cool to throw away! The little snail on top was a leftover piece of epoxy filler that I couldn’t let go of either…
I had a really good day drawing yesterday and was able to stay focused. That may not sound like a big deal, but with the way things have been going lately for me, it was.
I am not one to typically be so easily distracted as I have been, but recently it seems that things have just been happening that have pulled me off of my game.
I find that as humans, it is easy to fall into a ‘habit’. Be it good or bad, we seem to find comfort in the predictability of the patterns we follow as we live our lives. When these patterns are disrupted, we tend to grasp at something, anything regain the continuity and familiarity of our lives, so we can once again fall into a rhythm that is comfortable to us.
What comes to mind is when a stone is cast into a still pool of water. Immediately after it penetrates the surface, the most disruption occurs. Depending on the size of the stone, it can create anything from gentle ripples to large waves. While the ripples may pass somewhat unnoticed, the waves are felt more acutely and take much longer to settle. It is at this time when we find ourselves grasping to regain our serenity and peace that accompanies familiarity.
In an effort to once again achieve this calm, we change our behavior. This is, I believe, when new habits are formed.
While one would think that this would be a constructive change, unfortunately it isn’t always the case. Depending on the situation and circumstances, as well as the duration of the discomfort, the reaction to these types of things can differ greatly.
Some people withdraw, and find comfort in tuning out the world. After all, it may appear easier to control things around us if we minimize our interactions with others.
Others face problems head on, and not only tackle the issues at hand, but take additional measures to overcome things and perhaps prepare for future encounters. I think this is probably the most productive way to deal with things of this nature.
And still others remain in a loop. Not really changing their behavior either by choice or by situation. While they hope for better outcome in the future, it is unfortunately not usually the case. For when the same problems arise in the future, the result is typically unchanged, and the cycle repeats over and over.
What makes it hard is that everything isn’t always as black and white as I presented it here. Usually there is somewhat of a mix in between any of the three scenarios mentioned – or all three of them. That is what complicated things so much it seems and makes things so unclear. But that is part of life.
For myself, after a rock was thrown in my pool not too long ago, it took me stopping and thinking and making the decision to make a choice. I found myself pulling away from things, and curling up in my shell. This was not an obvious thing. In fact, it was quite subtle. But little by little, I was seeing myself withdrawing and disconnecting just a bit, and losing motivation.
But I was not comfortable with that, as it isn’t what I am. While I tried to pull away, I still received messages from caring friends, pictures from customers, and all kinds of positive support from people in all aspects of my life. It felt good, and the positive messages that they sent fed my soul and repaired my faith in people. And it motivated me to move in a good direction again.
I receive many messages from others who say that as I write here every morning, they appreciate my positive attitude and I motivate them. While I knew that it was possible, I never really thought about the impact that could really have on someone – especially through means such as this. But over the past few weeks, I realized the great impact it does have, and I am somewhat in awe of it.
I made a decision the other day to move ahead.
While that statement may seem to state the obvious (after all, what choice do I have?) what it doesn’t indicate is the attitude in which I choose to have and the motivation which will drive me. While that isn’t always apparent from the outside looking in, it is an essential ingredient in being successful and accomplishing.
I am no longer going to dwell on what has happened. What is past, is past. There are many wonderful and positive avenues that I have yet to travel, and I am finding myself more and more excited by the thought of new adventure. I am once again becoming anxious to show my latest creations and share them. And I see things once again feeling ‘normal.’
Yesterday I spent the day drawing. As each design came to life, I felt the familiar feelings of accomplishment return, and it motivated me to continue. It seems like a long time since I drew like this, and by my own standards, it was.
I will give you my typical ‘peek’ at what I am up to:
I hope to finish drawing and begin cutting today. I have about 75% of what I am doing for this project finished, and I am on a pretty good roll.
I don’t mean to get heavy sounding with all these things, but it has affected me a great deal. These past couple of months have been hard on me and I found myself slipping into a pattern that I didn’t enjoy or feel good about. I don’t want that behavior to become a habit. I suppose even pink clouds get dark at times.
It’s all a process, and there is no quick fix for things. Accepting that is an important part of the recovery and moving on. Thank you all for your patience.
