Monday 17 November 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Nov 18, 2014)

Celebrity Challenge



What word/phrase is described by the following rebus?



Julio Iglesias

Lana Turner

Dinah Shore

John Wayne

Robert Redford

John Ireland

Elizabeth Taylor

John Travolta

Barbara Eden

Jack Nicholson





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





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Dually Donk

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Sweet Ride Of The Day

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Dissecting Misogyny in Comedy

"Comedian" Dapper Laughs has well and truly landed himself in hot water. This week, after months and months of bizarre and twisted attempts at making jokes and poking fun at that which is essentially tantamount to sexual violence, the notoriously irritating funny man felt the burn of the people's power when a national petition to get his arse booted off of the television saw success. But, of course, being the Pied Piper to the disciples of lad culture (yes, boys, I did just compare every single one of you to sewer rats - just in case that part of the metaphor didn't translate), there has been backlash.



From way up here on my big bad feminist pedestal, which is where we "fascists" are all now standing, gazing down on the ruins of our war on bantaaa and a man's right to make jokes about raping women, I sip delicately on the tears of all the fuckboys who are so gloriously butthurt about their Lord and Saviour Daniel O'Reilly having his repugnant character "censored" from the public eye.



[INSERT: a list of disarming statistics relevant to the sexual assault and rape of women and girls in the UK, none of which will be read, seen, or consequently heard by any of you entitled misogynists, anyway.]





I'm getting pretty tired of explaining to people why rape jokes aren't funny. Instead, I have begun asking the perpetrators of such jokes why they think the jokes are funny. Desperately, I seek humour in punchlines about holding a knife to a woman's throat, about binding her with rope, about "raping that bitch". Are you being satirical? Is that it? Oh, yes, I get it now. Satire. The problem there, is that you can't possibly make fun of women in the same way that they are made fun of by the police when they are interrogated about their rape accusations based on whether or not they were drunk, whether or not they were "adequately dressed", whether or not they choose to leave with a man they might have thought was safe to leave with. You can't possibly make fun of women in the same way they are made fun of in the courtroom, when they watch their rapist walk free of all charges against them.



To put it bluntly, I don't like jokes about rape because I know more women that have been raped or sexually assaulted than I know women that haven't. I don't like jokes about rape, or jokes that glorify rape, because there is nothing amusing or tickling about having your life changed in its entirety by one persons' assumed entitlement to abuse your body without your consent.



Now we should all be of clear understanding why jokes about rape aren't funny, it shouldn't be too hard to understand why a hell of a lot of women were a bit pissed off that one of the peddlers of such jokes was given a huge media platform on which to make them. Dapper Laughs: On The Pull has been axed from its place on ITV2 (also known as - the television channel where comedy goes to die - Keith Lemon, I'm looking at you) following a petition on Change.org that gathered nearly 70,000 signatures and was thus presented to the Chief Executive of ITV for review.



And across the land, the smoke did thus rise as an army of lads took to social media with hypothetical torches and pitch forks, and raged war on the feminazi perpetrators of this vile act of censorship. "Jumped up slags" they would cry - "all you need is a good dick up ya, anyway #moist". Their taunts echoed across the timeline, laced with cries of blame culture, female privilege, and tepid comparisons to "those hagged old bikes" on Loose Women. Tactful, lads, tactful.



I don't like Dapper Laughs for the obvious reason that his spoon feeding of misogynistic ideals into the mouths of idiots foolish enough to eat them, under the guise of harmless banter, is ill thought out, tasteless, and executed with about as much tact and glamour as a golden retriever dragging its shit-stained arsehole across a cream coloured carpet.



Today, however, several new shots were fired into the debate about risk-taking in comedy, under the utterance of "classism". For all my sins, I admit that I had not before thought about it from this particular viewpoint. Imagining that O'Reilly appeared to be more well spoken, perhaps better educated, or perhaps that his "comedy" was designed for a slightly differing demographic; would we reach the conclusion, therein, that he is just a bottom-feeding, classless misogynist with all the tact and guile of a sewer rat.



Well, probably.



But, respectfully, we also haven't spent enough time dissecting misogyny in comedy on a broader scale; with the inclusion of high earning male comedians such as Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle, who are notorious for making edge-scraping jokes about rape, and sometimes even paedophilia. And if we're going to start investigating character formation and role play, why don't we throw that ginger nut prick Keith Lemon into the mix before we start baking? Providing that Dapper Laughs is the only comedian to over-step the mark (something he has now admitted, albeit being too little, far too late) quite possibly is divisive in nature if you are focusing on the classist fragment of the debate; supposing that Dapper's jokes are primarily aimed at a lower social class of people (I wish for a better way to phrase that...), are we simply suggesting that such a class of people are basically neanderthal in type, and cannot hear a suggestive joke about sexual violence without receiving intermittent brain waves that force them to go out and start raping women in abundance?



If we're being pedantic about it, however, we could look into all of the middle class big-wig television executives, the former (and current) radio and television stars that have been tried and consequently found to be guilty of sex crimes, some might suggest that this idea lacks fuel. Just today, in fact, former Radio 1 DJ Chris Dennings pleaded guilty to as many as 40 historic sex offences, as a result of being exposed by Operation Yewtree; the very same operation that outed the likes of Jimmy Savile for vile sex crimes against hundreds of children.



Unfortunately (again, for all my sins...), however, we also can't deny that cherry picking comedians to start shaming about jokes that all comedians are making does nothing to dissect the cardinal sin of using sexual violence against women as a punchline in jokes made by men.



The primary problem with using sexual violence as a punchline in jokes (however "serious" they are intended to be) is that doing so in turn normalises the act in question that is being laughed about. And normalising sexual violence towards women indicates that it is something that doesn't necessarily to be taken seriously.



To me, as pleased as I am that some good has been done to remove Dapper Laughs from the limelight, the whole process is only a small victory of under-the-carpet sweeping that still, unfortunately, does little to tackle the very real existence of parodied misogyny in both comedy, and in everyday life. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xeNiyx

Jake Bird was a truly creepy character — an axe-murderer who may…

Jake-Bird-cropped Jake Bird was a truly creepy character — an axe-murderer who may have killed as many as 46 people. But even after he was caught in 1947 and sentenced to death, he’s said to have continued killing people by putting the “Jake Bird hex” on them. Six people associated with the trial were said to have succumbed to his hex.


After his conviction was announced, Bird was allowed to make a final statement. He spoke for 20 minutes, noting that his request to represent himself had been denied and that his own lawyers were against him.

Bird then said, “I’m putting the Jake Bird hex on all of you who had anything to do with my being punished. Mark my words you will die before I do.” Allegedly, six people connected with the trial died: Judge Edward D. Hodge of a heart attack within a month of sentencing him to death, as did one of the officers who took his first confession. A police officer who took a second confession died, as did the court’s chief clerk, and one of Bird’s prison guards. J.W. Selden, one of Bird’s lawyers, died on the first anniversary of his sentencing.






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To eliminate all the elusive invasive goats in the Galapagos…

goat-skull To eliminate all the elusive invasive goats in the Galapagos, researchers attached a radio-collar to a ‘Judas goat’ who would, because of its gregarious nature, seek out other goats. It was then tracked down, the group killed, but with the ‘traitor’ left alive in order to find more goats.






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A mother of a cheerleader hired a hitman to murder another girl…

A mother of a cheerleader hired a hitman to murder another girl’s mom so her own daughter had a better chance of making the squad.






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In 2006, Honda sent a letter to all their dealers telling…

In 2006, Honda sent a letter to all their dealers telling them stop selling unnecessary maintenance services, and even explained how some services such as coolant and transmission flushes could be harmful to customer’s vehicles.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1uEQ1Aq

Simon the cat, a feline aboard Royal Navy Ship “The Amethyst”…

Simon-cat Simon the cat, a feline aboard Royal Navy Ship “The Amethyst” was awarded The Dickin Medal for gallantry under fire. The gallantry? He protected the ship’s food supplies from an infestation of rats.






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Dr. Seuss was confronted by a feminist who stated there…

Horton-Hatches-the-Egg Dr. Seuss was confronted by a feminist who stated there are no strong female roles in his books. He then remarked his characters are animals, and “if she can identify their sex, I’ll remember her in my will.”






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A fighter jet pilot shot his own plane down…

A fighter jet pilot shot his own plane down by flying into his own bullets.






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Saints Fan Steals American Football From Woman, Refuses To Give It Back

Cincinnati Bengals player Jermaine Gresham scored a touchdown at the Superdome in New Orleans on Sunday, and heroically tossed the ball to a female supporter in the stands.



But the pass was intercepted by a fan of the opposing team, who shoved her out of the way to nab it for himself.







CBS footage shows Tony Williams in his Saints kit accidentally elbowing Barrett in the face as he tries to snatch the souvenir.



Even with her begging him and crowds chanting, the grumpy grouch ignores calls to give it up.







Ball snatcher Williams told The Cincinnati Enquirer he refused to relinquish the pigskin "because I caught it. It's very simple, I caught the football".



He showed no remorse for beating Barrett to the ball, but did apologise for shoving his elbow in her face.



At least this story has a happy ending.






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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1u1AdCG

I Don't Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

2014-11-14-kimye1415828892.jpg



So Kim Kardashian's butt is everywhere.



Considering the size of the thing, that makes a lot of sense to me.



Like it could easily accommodate the rest of her, along with all the Kardashians, each of her previous partners, and their considerable wealth.



Everyone is lauding how beautiful and amazing it is.



Big butts are definitely in.



A few are asking if nudity is appropriate given that she's now a mother, and how real the thing is.



Like if she's had a butt implant, or butt enhancement surgery, or I don't know. A butt lift? A butt tuck? Injected some butt-tox?



Considering that her celebrity is built mostly from her ass down, these questions don't bother me. It's what she does and who she is, no ifs and just one big butt.



Her cheeks are what bring in the cheques. That ass is one big ass-et.



It's the crack of cash, the hole worth a whole lot, the trunk that's all junk and spunk and no funk. The booty that brings in the looty.



I've forgotten what I was talking about.



Oh that's right.



So for a host of reasons, including but not limited to her celebrity, other stars with big behinds, and the increased prevalence and importance of different cultures in contemporary society, which can only be a good thing, the end result is that big butts have become the next big thing.



So why do I feel a bit weird about it?



Like does anyone else think she looks ridiculously out of proportion?



Am I the only one who thinks that an attractive human being is one whose head, legs and middle all look like they belong to the same person?



I feel like I missed a big man meeting, where it was collectively decided that instead of breast men, we're now all arse men. Which I thought was something else entirely.



Even with the big boob thing, I never found women with abnormally large breasts as attractive as I think I was supposed to.



As they bent over and big-eyed me from adverts, calendars and televisions, with cleavage not all that different and unfathomable to Kardashian's mammoth crack, it just never did it for me.



There's plenty of money to be made from it as well. Exercise classes designed to broaden the booty, clothing that artificially increases the rear, and the rise in surgery being performed to bulk up the backside.



It all just feels like a bit of a scam.



What's wrong with just striving for fit and healthy?



All of us are turned on by so many different things, and attraction is often heavily linked to a mental connection.



When a phenomenon like this becomes so pronounced, in this case society switching from the boob to the butt, it reminds me how quickly ideas of what is generally accepted to be 'attractive' are fluid.



It's not a fixed concept, and just because you don't fit it at a particular moment, that's fine. Well it's certainly fine with me, anyway. http://ift.tt/1EQPIDY



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1ycnDoy

To Quota or Not to Quota, That Is the Question...

A few years ago Stephen Pound MP fell asleep during a Parliamentary debate on the Afghanistan war. I can imagine how flummoxed he was by the outrage - surely the public knows that MPs only pop to the House of Commons for a kip? Yet outrage there was, because British soldiers had died, and his post-prandial slumber was caught on camera. I was thinking about him recently when a quiet news week freed up space to annihilate a minister no one knew we had - for Civil Society - whose name we did not know - Brooks Newmark - and have now forgotten. To recap, Newmark took a series of nudey selfies - posted to a woman and a male journo posing as a woman - and they were now at loose in the press. As he resigned I imagined how flummoxed he must have been - surely the public knows that MPs have lovers, why was everyone picking on him? Again, because he was caught on camera - worse still, his own iPhone's - and no one likes to see a respectable man overexcited by his toys. You can peacock like a French Prime Minister or bound about like a London Mayor: but don't succumb to the temptations of the Apple. It never ends well.

On the bright side if he still likes those photographs of himself (and he did once) there might be a future for him on panel shows or even a stint at the Edinburgh Festival. Programmes like Have I Got News For You are made all the richer by disgraced ministers. It's how Neil Hamilton cashed in those brown envelopes a thousand times over. Of course there are other ways to reach the heady heights of the news quiz - most obviously comedy. Being able to rip a club isn't the same as shining on a TV show; but wit, intelligence and confidence are common to both. A little bit of practice helps too, which is why it's great that lesser known comedians can make it into the studio without drawing too much attention - unless, of course, they're women. I hate the phrase 'female comedian' because it sounds like a qualifier, like a 'British film': something we all support in principle but don't want to sit through ourselves. But here goes. It has always struck me how overqualified a 'female comedian' has to be to make her debut on a panel show. A sell-out tour, an award nomination or two, acting roles in sitcoms, writing credits for sitcoms - a combination of all these seems to be required. Even more surprising is how many 'female comedians' have met and surpassed these surreal requirements to squeeze their way onto what have, in practical terms, been male-only shortlists. I can imagine how confused people were - if women could make it in these circumstances what's to stop them taking over altogether?

So it was unsurprising when Danny Cohen, head of BBC's television output, felt obliged to introduce a quota earlier this year guaranteeing that only one woman had to appear on every panel show; thus reserving all those other seats - normally about six - for the boys. What was surprising is that this quota, that evidently protected the privilege men had come to take for granted, was presented and duly perceived as a favour to women. What a coup! To present a seat as chivalrously saved for the very women that had already clawed their way into it. And it has worked. Just this week as I was picturing Brooks Newmark's future debut on Have I Got News For You, the 'woman's seat' was publicly derided as if it was 'unfair'. It is manifestly unfair, yes, that there is no parity in the way men and women are represented on television. But while men whine about the one seat they have lost, women are eyeing up all the seats that remain to be taken. Don't be flummoxed when they are. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/11jkb0a

Brain Teaser 11/17/2014

Mixed Up Numbers and Time Teasers



1. Between noon and midnight, but not counting these times, how often will the minute hand and hour hand of a clock overlap?



2. If nine thousand, nine hundred nine dollars is written as $9,909, how should twelve thousand, twelve hundred twelve dollars be written?



3. How many 9’s do you pass when you start at 1 and count up to 100?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Gold Box - New Deals Every Hour!





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Dog Overcomes Door Phobia With Hilarious Bum-First Entry Approach

Queso the pit bull has a crippling fear - he can't walk through doorways. Seriously.



But the intrepid canine has come up with an ingenious if slightly unorthodox solution.



He reverses through bum-first.



Yet hurdles remain for poor Queso. According to his owner he's still scared of the kitchen floor and printers.



Stay strong Queso, stay strong... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1uDG4mK