Wednesday 22 October 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Oct 23, 2014)

I'm Confused!



I used to think that I'm important

But now people tell me I'm not.

I can't even control where I'm going.

But I'm quite sure that it's not hot.

I cut in front of other shapes,

Going towards the light.

Now tell me, who am I?

While I wait in everlasting night.





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





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Top Dog

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How To Prepare Yourself For 'Second Puberty', The Age You ACTUALLY Become An Adult

Your body clock is ticking, you're getting hair in places where there didn't used to be hair - and your hangovers are way worse than they once were.



Yes, in your 30s, you enter 'second puberty'. And here are the harsh facts about this difficult stage in life, as explained by College Humor. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



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People Posing As Movie Postcards Is Our New Favourite Instagram Thing

Five Other 'Norman Tebbit Ideas' For Dealing With Neets

Ageing Thatcherite Norman Tebbit, doyen of the Tory right and, more recently, harbinger of a “Lesbian queen”, has given a crackpot staid suggestion of how to deal with the problem of “Neets” – those Not in Education, Employment, or Training.



Anyone not currently drawing a paycheck or studying (as well as “low level criminals”) should be made to pull up ragwort – a common wildflower that is dangerous to livestock and agriculture.



Tebbit says in a letter to chief exec of the charity Buglife that “there would be little cost to bring it [ragwort] under control if Neets and low level criminals were required as part of their contribution to the society which finances them, or which they have abused, were used to uproot this weed”.



norman tebbit

'Pull up ragwort...'





Here are five other jobs Tebbit might like to suggest to help those out of work:



Rat Catcher

Neets should be sent into the sewers of Britain’s largest cities armed with a candle and a mallet. Fifty confirmed kills a day for the Neet over a course of six months should go someway to restoring an appetite for work.



Domestic servant

Neets should be forced to place themselves in servitude for a period of no less than a year. Female needs should be employed in the kitchen as a scullery maid, while the male Neet must ensure the coal shed is full, the master’s shoes are buffed and the table legs are covered.



Chimney Sweep

Neets small enough to fit in a chimney should be shoved down there with a brush, barefoot and naked… even if the house is gas fired. They must then stay in the dirt flue until they find a job.



Match Maker

Neets should be made to make matches, preferably by dripping wooden sticks into phosphorus. This should happen in a cramped room with no ventilation. Long-term health problems would no doubt arise from the toxic fumes, but this would only incentivize the Neets to find gainful employment elsewhere.



Mud Lark

Neets should be forced to scavenge for coins or bits of copper in the sewage along the banks of the Thames. Due to their debt to society, Neets should be made to work at least 100 hours a week for a half crown.

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'Dawson's Creek' Recreated By Dachshunds Will Absolutely Make Your Day

Heaven knows, it's made ours.



'Dachshund's Creek': a story about love, life and growing up... as a dog.



Yes, even if you've never seen an episode of 'Dawson's Creek' (what are you, 20?!), then we still think you'll find this version utterly delightful.



Because while James Van Der Beek and Katie Holmes were cute back in the late 1990s, they weren't as cute as this...



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Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion

Happy Saturday to all of you, and hopefully, you all are out in the great outdoors enjoying the nice fall weather. Some people live in the desert, and the weekend offers them the chance to get out into it for some fun like riding around in a 4 by 4 or sliding down the big sand dunes. The desert also offers the chance for some fun optical illusions, which brings us to today’s optical illusion. These people are out in the desert having fun, but it looks like a giant is about to spoil it all by stomping on their vehicle. Illusions like this are a lot of fun because it makes a normal sized person a giant.


Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion





Ready to check out another great illusion involving a giant. Take a look at this big giant footprint in the sand, does it not seem like there is a giant out here somewhere? People may be wondering just how this giant footprint was done, but it is just another forced perspective that will make normal sized things look bigger than they really are or normal sized things look tiny. Hope you all have a good Saturday, and enjoy the rest of your weekend by doing something fun!


The post Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.






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Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion

Happy Saturday to all of you, and hopefully, you all are out in the great outdoors enjoying the nice fall weather. Some people live in the desert, and the weekend offers them the chance to get out into it for some fun like riding around in a 4 by 4 or sliding down the big sand dunes. The desert also offers the chance for some fun optical illusions, which brings us to today’s optical illusion. These people are out in the desert having fun, but it looks like a giant is about to spoil it all by stomping on their vehicle. Illusions like this are a lot of fun because it makes a normal sized person a giant.


Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion





Ready to check out another great illusion involving a giant. Take a look at this big giant footprint in the sand, does it not seem like there is a giant out here somewhere? People may be wondering just how this giant footprint was done, but it is just another forced perspective that will make normal sized things look bigger than they really are or normal sized things look tiny. Hope you all have a good Saturday, and enjoy the rest of your weekend by doing something fun!


The post Giant In the Desert Stepping On Vehicle Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.






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The Nation's Superhero: Brian Cox

Brian Cox at Science Foo Camp

Photo by Bob Lee, via Wikimedia Commons



Brian Cox,

Superhero alias: SuperCox!

Hero of the Physics world.



SuperCox has just returned from battling some ignorant people on Radio 4

And is about to sit down for a hobnob and a spot of Loose Women when...

His Supernova countdown clock bleeps!

He checks the time,

Phew! he thinks, its a good thing stars take billions of years to explode and die (depending on their mass),

5 billion years to go, we've got a bit of a wait yet!

With that he sinks into his favourite climate-change-themed bean bag (there are polar bears and ice caps on it),

And laughs at something Coleen Nolan says on the tele.



As SuperCox finishes his hobnob and drains the last bit of earl grey,

He feels a sharp pain in his chest,

He sighs as he removes his "trust me I'm a Physics Teacher" badge,

It always comes in handy at those Radio 4 panel discussions,

It's getting a bit worn around the edges so he takes a fresh one from the drawer by his bed and pops it in his pocket for later.



As the Loose Women credits roll he checks twitter,

Some lovely comments about this mornings panel discussion,

A few questions about the big bang (as usual),

And then one badly written cock joke,

For all his scientific prowess, general intelligence and excellent hair,

There is still one thing that he will never overcome,

His name: Cox

Why are the British public so obsessed with genitalia?



His name-pitying is interrupted by an email notification on his phone,

He's been invited to teach a reality TV star about the solar system,

He thinks of who it might be,

Some vacuous, orange humanoid with an overbearing accent,

The email is signed "Channel 5" so he knows it's not urgent,

His brain (as it does) translates his problem into an equation,

When C5 = Channel 5 and RTS = reality TV star what does

C5 + RTS equal?

Answer: C5 + RTS = no more BBC

A fate worse than death.



Brian puts on his new "trust me I'm a Physics teacher" badge

And he is SuperCox once more!

With superhero flair he deletes the email and grabs his man-bag ready to face his agent,

So many thoughts are developing in his mind,

Could the BBC really survive without me?

Who gave Channel 5 my email address?

Which one of my podcasts shall I listen to on the bus?

He checks his hair in the mirror on the way out,

On second thought he grabs his brolly and leaves,

No-one would trust a Physicist with frizzy hair.



Samantha Baines is an award-winning actress and comedian. She has problems with

dairy.



Follow her (on twitter not home) @samanthabaines



Like her on Facebook #needy



Watch her at Gigs and on Youtube



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The Daily Mash's Top 10 Stories Of 2014, From Gay Marriage To Russell Brand

Woman Posts Picture Of Her 'Cleavage' On Reddit, Snares Pervs Actually Looking At Her Husband's Bum

So, you thought you'd click on a juicy ole cleavage shot, ay?



Well we're here to tell you pal, this here is a boob-free zone.



boob joke



One quick-witted Reddit user decided to take a photo of her husband's bottom in a dimly lit room.



Noticing that, in the photo, the bum resembled a pair of breasts, she then cropped the image and posted it onto the r/GoneWild subreddit - a community in which users "exchange their nude bodies for karma; showing it off in a comfortable environment without pressure."



Capitalising on the lecherous community Reddit is getting a reputation for - see our article on Nude Women At Festivals Reddit Thread - this clearly pleased a lot of other Reddit users who proceeded to directly message poshpink330 about her fine pair.



After she'd had her fun, the practical joker then posted a shot of her husband's bum - sans editing - on the site...



bum



And with flash... *shudders*



bum



"Glad everyone loved my husband's a** crack. I'm glad it gave you the comfort you needed - all 51 of you who pm'd me," she posted on the social sharing site.



We're glad she 'cracked' that one.



SEE ALSO:



Deaf Reddit Users Share The 11 Sounds They'd Love To Hear



White Pants And Patchy Beards: Women Of Reddit Reveal The Biggest Male Fashion Faux Pas

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Woman's New Face Looks Terrible, Say People Demanding Better Treatment Of Women

People who have demanded that we focus less on women's looks have been focussing on a woman's looks.



"I really wish people would stop talking about women's appearances," said one of the 100,000 people to comment on the woman's face.



"The constant pressure on women in Hollywood to be eternally young, thin and beautiful is outrageous," added another commentator. "In fact, it's tantamount to bullying. But enough of all that. Have you seen Renee Zellweger's face?!"



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Alan Stoob: Britain's Premier Nazi Hunter speaks

Let me say first of all how excited I am to be writing my first blog for the Washington Post. Watergate. Woodward. Bernstein. What a tradition. What an honour.



For those of you who do not know me I am Alan Stoob, Britain's Premier Nazi Hunter™. "Nazis?" you say, "In Britain". "Yes," I will reply. "Thousands of them. Let me explain."



In 1994 I was clearing my desk after 30 years with the Bedfordshire Constabulary when the phone rang. It was world famous Nazi Hunter, the late Simon Wiesenthal, inviting me to Vienna. When I met him he asked me to hunt Nazis on his behalf in Britain, particularly Bedfordshire. "Britain is the new South America!" he declared, "Dunstable its Paraguay!"



My wife and I thought he'd been at the Yiddish Campari until we read about the underground ratline that connects Bremen to Biggleswade. The result? Hundreds of elderly Nazis flooding the local area. If you don't believe me I suggest you visit Flitwick on market day. The goose-stepping gives you goose-bumps.



Over the past twenty years I have done my utmost to keep Bedfordshire Nazi-free. It's not been easy - I've been shot in the Arndale Centre by Harold Schlep, the Butcher of Bavaria, struck in the kitchen by Alois Purloin, the Plasterer of Paris, and battered in Woburn by Rudolf Hess. But I remain defiant, despite my age (77).



Away from the hunting matters have been equally tricky. Coming to terms with my wife's affair with the late Henry Cooper has been a bumpy ride. How can any of us measure up to a man who once knocked down Muhammed Ali? My own dalliance with 1987 Businesswoman of the Year Deborah Meaden merely served to add fuel to the fire. As for our son Tom, he's not been the same since his girlfriend left him in 1989. They could have been so good together. It's such a shame she had to move to New Zealand, get married and have four children.



It has, however, been an extraordinary journey. So extraordinary in fact that publishing giant Hodder & Stoughton approached me last year and asked if I'd like to write a book. "Go away," I told them, "I'm too busy hunting Nazis. Plus I could die any minute and the book would be left unfinished."



"OK," they said and went away.



Then they came back.



"Alan?" they said.

"Yes," I replied.

"Do you keep a diary?"

"Yes."

"Could we publish one of your diaries instead?"

"OK."



Here's the first page.



*



Wake with a mouth like Hitler's bunker. Edame and I drank an entire bottle of

Sainsbury's Basics port to usher in the New Year. Not sure I like port. It was

afterall the Führer's tipple of choice. While Edame sleeps it off I give the study a

clear-out. There are post-its everywhere, newspaper cuttings and endless

printouts of Nazi sightings. I make two piles: one of possible leads and one for

Monday's recycling. As I do I come across my last-ever letter from Simon

Wiesenthal, congratulating me on ensnaring Boris Boot, the Prannock of

Potsdam, back in 2005.





You have undoubtedly blossomed into Britain's finest Nazi hunstman.



It says.





Until last year I would have put Arthur Pob ahead of you but since your audacious swoop on evil Boris Boot in Flitwick Town Hall you are now firmly entrenched in the number one spot. Who could have known that Nazi Hunting would so quickly establish itself as the career of choice for ex-policemen in the UK.



How glad I am that you and Edame are back on track. It is vital you have stability in your personal life. This is of course true of any job but in particular the emotionally demanding role of Nazi Hunter. You are a credit to the industry, Alan. Stay vigilant and stay in touch. Send me a letter or even better a fax. Have I ever told you how much I enjoy receiving faxes? They're incredible.






Inspired anew by Si's words I sit at my desk and create a fresh document in Word for Windows entitled Alan Stoob's Key Targets for 2012 by Alan Stoob. Using the bullet point tool I list my top three most wanted: Heinrich Snuff (The Truncheon of München), Silas Pilsner (The Schweinhund of Schleswig) and The Nibble Sisters, Myra and Valerie. I print off the list and circle Snuff, who according to the latest Interpol intel was spotted only last Thursday strangling a cat outside Bedford Station.







Alan Stoob: Nazi Hunter by Saul Wordsworth is published by Hodder & Stoughton (£12.99). Follow Alan Stoob on Twitter at @nazihunteralan.



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How to Live With Bad Decisions: Lessons From My Front Door

Have you ever had one of those days when you got sucked into contemplating your life and questioning your decision making abilities. This was me just a few days ago returning from a trip to New York. But I never thought the process would be trigger by something as silly as point colour.



Before going, I decided to have my hallway redecorated. First learning point. Everything is relative. Until the hallway got dressed in brilliant white, my apartment looked pretty decent. But once the hallway got refreshed, walking inside any of the other rooms made it clear just how neglected the rest really was. So now I have enough work for the next few months.



Part of the job of renovating the hallway was having my front door repainted. I looked forward to the new colour and went to the shop to choose it myself. I scanned the various shades of yellows, oranges and reds and the various blues and greens typical of English front doors. I dismissed black as way too royal, practical and frankly without character and settled on something I felt was appropriate to my work, life and disposition: potters clay. In the sun light the sample paper against the door looked really promising. Slightly subdued though interesting. The colour changing with varying degree of sunlight falling on it. I was sold. I bought the paint with full determination of a sound decision. That was last week.



I arrived in the morning of yesterday tired. The overnight BA plane that should have seen a revamp at least three years back allowed no sleep. To make matters worse, all economy seats were taken leaving no chance for an isle sleep. We touched down in the early morning, fifteen minutes ahead of schedule and I managed to book a taxi pick up in advance. Drive home took longer than usual but nothing could prepare me for the underwhelm I experienced upon greeting my newly painted front door potters clay.



Most people expect to feel a tinge of excitement when they see their front door. Perhaps even happiness. This did not happen. Instead, I felt a distinct and marked disappointment. It was clear. The colour looked good on a small paper swatch but on my door is was a totally different story against the grey English sky. My heart sank low. I went to bed exhausted.



Four hours later, and slightly more rested, house keys in hand and headed back outside. Not to shop for groceries but to stand on the pavement and observe the front door afresh again. I was desperately hoping the colour was better than on first inspection. But no such luck. It looked as drab with fresh eyes as it did with tired ones.



Few hours later a friend visited me and on arrival asked

"Is this the undercoat?"

Clearly it was not just me. Perhaps I should have asked her along when I went to pick the paint.

"No" - I reply.

"This is it! Looked much better on a swatch than here, must admit... Oh well, it's done now so best get used to it."



We walked inside and had some tea. In the afternoon, a bit of sun come out and we decided to head down to the river for a walk. As we left, I turned around to view the door again. From up close it looked better I thought. Glancing back at it from the pavement I tried to see it anew. By now I have done this about six times, and each time I am determined to make the door look better than last. This morning leaving for lunch I remarked to my friend "Look, it's rather nice in the sunlight."



To some it may just be a door but that morning on arrival the door become the last job, the last relationship, a series of other business decisions that like the front door colour seemed full of promise but didn't turn out that way. The thought haunted me like a ghost and with the departure of my company Sunday evening, returned once more.



By the time I caught myself I was on a treadmill gallery looking at one bad decision after another, with my mind questioning others wondering whether I was just a person who always flips disappointment into positive learning. After all, there's little value in regret isn't there. But to cut the story short, many decisions seemed to require a certain sunlight to come to life and appear reasonable. And it all got too much. So much so that I decided to call a dear friend and pour my heart out about it all.



In my job, many people expect that my life is perfect. But as the potters clay clearly showed, this is not the case. There is clearly a good deal to come to terms with and heal as with anyone. There's anger, grief, regret and disappointments. There is sadness. Of course I'm well equipped in dealign with them. In viewing things in perspective and so on. And yet I am human. So within minutes of our quick catch up after two weeks of not speaking with one another, my potters clay all comes out pouring.



My friend is a good listener. Patient and loving he listens for about twenty minutes and then bursts out laughing.

"Darling. Welcome to your forties." - he says wiping tears of laughter from his eyes deeply entertained by my door debacle. we say good bye and I ride the bus home thinking life is just a

bunch of front doors. Some cheer us up. Others drag us down. Some we don't even notice or remember at all.
The trick is to find something worthwhile behind the door.





So, when you face a bit of a spiral into dark blues triggered by some rather inconsequential item like paint colour - stop! Pick up the phone. Talk to your neighbour. Kiss someone. Or simply celebrate the fact you made a decision in the first place. Most decisions can be reversed.



I'm going to watch this door closely over the next two week I decided. Should I remain unconvinced, I'm heading back to the shop and getting at least three more colour samples and may just need to spend the weekend repainting the door again.



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1w8BkHr

These Pets REALLY Dressed Up For Halloween

Dogs dressed as pirates, E.T. and Princess Leia? Check.



Cats wearing witches' hats, bonnets and shark outfits? You betcha.



Yes, it's Tastefully Offensive's round-up of YouTube finest Halloween pet clips... and it's really very adorable-slash-cute-slash-scary.



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Brain Teaser 10/22/2014

1. A friend of mine’s grandmother is younger than his father. How can this be possible?



2. He starts and ends 2 common English words. One painful in love, One painful in everyday matter. Do you know what 2 words I must be?



3. When can you add two to eleven and get one?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The Best In Gift Cards





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This Parrot Is NOT A Fan Of Violin Music

"I was unexpectedly attacked by my daughter parrot while playing the Titanic music on the violin," explains the husband of YouTuber Jane Bennett. The bird actually laughed right after the incident." He's not wrong - Kiki the parrot also exclaimed "You fell down!", the cheeky blighter.



According to Mr Bennett, Kiki actually loves to dance to the 'Titanic' film version of 'My Heart Will Go On'. So what happened here?



"His festive mood changed unexpectedly during my practice," he explains - adding that Kiki does have "traces of bipolar behaviour".



"The bird acted like possessed by some evil force, laughing and talking and asking why I was on the floor. Perhaps he did not like the music, who knows."



Who knows, indeed. Perhaps you should try some John Williams on him next, Mr B?



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The Glow-In-The-Dark Halloween Baby Is Back - And This Year, She's Minnie Mouse

Last year, Royce Hutain made a Halloween costume for his toddler that made her look like a glow-in-the-dark stick man. It was understandably something of an internet hit (check out the video below).



But as Hutain has just posted on YouTube: "After last year's costume went absolutely nuts, I had to make a new one that was much, much better."



Yes, Glowy Zoey's outfit this year resembles Minnie Mouse - and was made "using digitally addressable LED strips hooked up to an Arduino microcontroller" which Hutain programmed. "It is responsive to sound and has 2 potentiometers and a button in the back of one of the ears for control and a microphone hidden in the front," he explains. "It has 12 modes and 372 LEDs (124 chips with 3 each)."



So there you go. Oh, and in case you never saw Zoey's costume last year, here it is, in all its giggling, glow-in-the-dark, delightfulness:







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IKEA's Halloween Advert Is A Perfect Spoof Of 'The Shining'

IKEA Singapore have struck again!



Yes, the people that brought us this brilliant spoof Apple advert for 'the BookBook' have returned with another lovely parody of - or should that be 'homage to' - the classic horror movie 'The Shining'.



Watch as a little boy pedals his tricycle around not a hotel, but an empty IKEA store - and encounters two little girls who ask him to "Come pay with us".



Wonderful stuff. And here's a clip of the original for comparison:





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In China, women who remain unmarried until…

Sheng-nu In China, women who remain unmarried until their late 20s are given the term “leftover women”.






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a Catholic priest named Michael Clegg first began distributing ecstasy and at its peak he was delivering 500,000 pills to the Dallas area per month….

Michael-Clegg A Catholic priest named Michael Clegg first began distributing ecstasy and at its peak he was delivering 500,000 pills to the Dallas area per month.






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A woman without a vagina performed oral sex, got…

A woman without a vagina performed oral sex, got in a knife fight, and was impregnated when the sperm passed from her stomach to her uterus.






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Two men went missing in Naples, FL after being…

Missing_persons_poster_of_Terrance_Williams_and_Felipe_Santos.jpeg Two men went missing in Naples, FL after being arrested by the same officer for driving without a license, one year apart.






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Sheared sheep don’t recognize each other…

sheep Sheared sheep don’t recognize each other and fight for a few days to re-establish a hierarchy .






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A 19 year old boy was killed after running…

Tyller-Myers A 19 year old boy was killed after running a stop sign and being hit by a semi truck. The boy was out that night stealing stop signs.






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In 1954 the USSR proposed a dam to the U.S. that…

In 1954 the USSR proposed a dam to the U.S. that would close off the Bering Straight. The Soviets claimed it would block arctic cold currents that flow down over Korea and the Sea of Japan, warming it as much as 30 degrees. The U.S. declined.






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5,500 unexploded bombs from WWII…

5,500 unexploded bombs from WWII are discovered in Germany each year.






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Because birds such as pigeons have a much higher…

pigeon Because birds such as pigeons have a much higher threshold for detecting movement, they would likely see a movie shown at today’s industry standard frame rate as a series of flashing slides






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When Nadia Comaneci achieved the first perfect…

When Nadia Comaneci achieved the first perfect 10.00 score in gymnastics, the scoreboard wasn’t even capable of showing 2 digits. Instead it showed 1.00






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Pewdiepie, a famous Youtuber sitting at the top with…

Pewdiepie, a famous Youtuber sitting at the top with over 30 million subscribers; is one of the most well know figures among teenagers. He’s even more well known than Paul Walker, Katy Perry and even Jennifer Lawrence. He’s not at the top of the most well known either, Smosh and the Finebros beat him, taking the number 1 and 2 spot.






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The first digital computer ever made, called the ABC…

The first digital computer ever made, called the ABC had less than a KHz of processing speed, and only performed basic functions; yet it filled up an 1800 sq. foot room. If you fit as many iPhones as possible into an 1800 square foot room, you would be able to store 3456 iPhones. This would mean that you would have 4147.2 GHz processing speed, and 55296 Gigabytes of space. This would cost you 342,144$ to buy all of those iPhones. In today’s time the money that was donated to create the computer was around 83,000$ in today’s time.






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Today in History for 22nd October 2014

Historical Events


1935 - Establishment of the rank of Marshal of the Soviet Union.

1944 - Kurita's vice-admiral fleet leaves North-Borneo

1951 - Earthquake hits Formosa, 100 killed

1966 - Ice hockey legend Bobby Orr scores his first career goal (vs Montreal Canadiens)

1973 - Israeli troops reconquer mountain Hermon

1978 - Pope John Paul II is inaugurated as Pope


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1689 - King John V of Portugal (d. 1750)

1870 - Alfred Douglas, English partner of Oscar Wilde (d. 1945)

1891 - Parker Fennelly, American comedian and actor (d.1988)

1903 - George Beadle, US biologist (Nobel 1958)

1913 - Bo Dai, Huế, last Emperor of Vietnam (1926-45) and Chief of State of South Vietnam (1949-55)

1962 - Derrick Waldroup, Chicago Ill, 198 lbs greco-roman wrestler (Oly-96)


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1979 - Jesse Bishop, murderer, dies in Nevada gas chamber

1991 - Peter Willes, British actor/producer (Way We Live), dies

1995 - Kingsley Amis, author, dies of injuries from a fall at 73

2007 - Ève Curie French writer (b. 1904)

2012 - Russell Means, Native American activist, dies from esophageal cancer at 72

2012 - Wilson Whineray, New Zealand rugby player, dies at 77


More Famous Deaths »






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