Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Oct 09, 2014)

What You Need



What, when you need it you throw it away,

but when you don't need it you take it back?





Check Braingle.com for the answer.

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The Bullet

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The Shred Version Of Jessie J's 'Bang Bang' Is Very Silly (And Funny)

Wow. We didn't realise Jessie J was this bad live. Not to mention her guitarist.



Just check out her performance here, as recorded by The Kosmic8.



If you want to compare and contrast, here's the (rather better-sounding) original. And don't worry - Jessie herself found it hilarious, tweeting that it made her cry with laughter. Hurrah!

SEE ALSO:

• The Beach Boys' 'I Get Around' Shred Version


• 
  


• One Direction's 'The Story Of My Life', Shredded

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vQJ3Z9

When Pranks Backfire: A Compilation Of Instant Karma And Epic Fails

Call it karma, call it 'just not thinking things through' - either way, Fail Army's collection of pranks going horribly wrong is a compilation that's likely to induce plenty of giggles and/or Schadenfreude.



Over to you, John...

SEE ALSO:

• September's Funniest Fails


• 
  


• Comedian Prank Calls Religious TV Show


• 
  


• Rude Road Users Get Instant Karma

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vOeZvc

Jimmy Fallon And Will.i.am's New Song ‘Ew!' Mercilessly Parodies Teenage Girls

Jimmy Fallon fans will know that one of his regular sketches is a faux TeenNick programme called 'Ew!' - in which Fallon and a guest pretend to be teenage girls who find lots of things, well, 'Ew!'. Fallon's character, for example, is called Sara - without an 'h', because that would be 'Ew!'. You get the idea.



Anyway, it doesn't matter if you're familiar with the skit or not, because the very first 'Ew!' music video - starring Fallon as Sara and will.i.am as Mir.i.am - has just come out and it's pretty delightful and not at all 'Ew!'.



From "o em effing g" to Fallon's 'Princess' necklace and will.i.am's brace, it's our favourite take on teen girls' behaviour since Chris Lilley's Ja'mie King. And it might just be yours, too.

SEE ALSO:

• Adam Levine And Jimmy Fallon Do Musical Impersonations


• 
  


• Kevin Bacon Revives 'Footloose' Dance For Fallon Show


• 
  


• Jimmy Fallon And Jon Hamm Photobomb Tourists

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1pPZy1C

'Give Me Your Name, Horse-Master...' Guy Torments His Girlfriend By Endlessly Quoting 'The Lord Of The Rings' At Her

Relationship tip number one: if you want your other half to love something you love - say, a favourite book or movie - then why not try bombarding them with quotes from it?



That's what this British chap is doing - with memorable lines from Peter Jackson's 'The Lord of the Rings' film series.



"Even on holiday..." she says, wearily, at one point.



Yes, even on holiday. And now: all over the internet.

SEE ALSO:

• An Honest Trailer For 'The Lord Of The Rings'


• 
  


• One Direction's Movie: The Hobbit Version


• 
  

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vMDaev

These Dogs Are Better At Halloween Than Humans

There's a reason they're called 'man's best friend', you know. And it's chiefly because they let us dress them up in stupid costumes.



Thank you, BuzzFeed and America's Funniest Home Videos, for bringing us this delightful compilation - which proves that we humans can learn a thing or two from our canine friends. At least when it comes to Halloween outfits.



Of course, none of them are even half as terrifying as... spider-dog!

SEE ALSO:

• 15 Brilliant Homemade Halloween Costumes


• 
  


• Animals Vs Pumpkins - A Picture Gallery


• 
  


• 25 Essential Songs For A Great Halloween Party

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1yMuTvG

First Kiss

Everyone remembers their first kiss, right?



For Zac Efron, it happened in a tree-house, over a game of Truth or Dare. Zayn Malik had to stand on a brick to deliver his kiss. Taylor Swift was the last of her friends.



My first kiss story involves a widowed second cousin-in-law, twice-removed, who lived in Carmarthenshire with some other cousins, who went by the name of Great Auntie Maud. (Fuck knows why I'm specifying the exact degree of kinship of those involved.) Suffice it to say that Great Auntie Maud was as old as Methuselah, and may have even been a childhood friend of his.



Anyhoo, one day, during one particular visit to our cousins' home, Great Auntie Maud shot up from her armchair as we were leaving, and stood in the doorway, blocking our exit.



"Give Auntie Maud a kiss goodbye", she said, turning to me.



I was thirteen and three-quarters at the time. And although kissing somebody was on my bucket list, Great Auntie Maud looked nothing like a) Andrew Ridgeley from Wham, b) John Taylor, the bass guitarist from Duran Duran, or c) Stephen Jones from Form 3C, who were the usual objects of my kissing fantasies.



"What you waiting for boy?" said Great Auntie Maud, offering me her cheek.



"I'm not a boy Auntie Maud", I said.



"Never mind that!" she said, offended.



"Give Auntie Maud a kiss", said my mother impatiently. "We're gonna be late for cello lessons."



"Okay okay!' I yelled.



It happened in less than an instant. I stretched on to the tips of my toes, angling myself towards Great Auntie Maud's cheek, when she spun towards me, jamming her mouthparts against mine, and launching her tongue into my mouth at a speed that would have amazed even a chameleon. Within seconds, there were rivers of Maud slobber running down the slopes of my soft palate towards my throat, and drool collecting in ducts under my tongue. I could even taste Jacob's cream crackers.



"Maud. That's enough!" said my mother.



But Great Auntie Maud wasn't listening. Her tongue was spinning around inside my mouth cavity like a sock in an out-of-control washing machine. She was gaining in confidence, experimenting with different thrusting techniques. At one point, I felt her quivering along the whole length of her body.



Finally, my mother pulled her away from me.



"Helluva boy", muttered Great Aunt Maud, satisfied.










Great Auntie Maud's Guide To Tonsil Hockey. Available in all good bookstores.








Later, in the car on the way home, my eleven-year-old brother laughed so hard my mother was forced to tell him a cautionary tale about the perils of excessive elation.



"Your gran laughed non-stop all the way through a Laurel and Hardy film. Burst a brain aneurysm because of it", she said. "Dr Levi was bloody livid."



Meanwhile I used a dried-out packet of Wet Ones to scour the inside of my mouth, leaving streaks of perfumed horribleness.



"It wasn't even THAT funny!" said my mother.



"Was!" said my brother. "She ACTUALLY snogged her!"



"I meant the film", said my mother, irately.



Determined to clean out my esophagus, I shaped the last of the Wet Ones into a compact cylinder, gagging as it hit the back of my tongue.



"I'm gonna be sick!" I shrieked, as we joined the motorway.



"For godsake settle down!" screamed my mother. "She's not right in the head! There's no need to make a bloody song and dance of it!"



On the kissing front, things improved, of course. Soon afterwards, I made it to first base - then second base - with a French horn player from county youth orchestra called Tweetie (Jones). And although he lacked the blistering sex appeal of John Taylor and Stephen Jones, and also reeked of Insignia, on the massively plus side, he was a) not my Great Auntie Maud, b) not my Great Auntie Maud, and c) NOT. MY. GREAT. AUNTIE. MAUD.



"That your first time then?" he asked, smugly, after the event.



"No!" "As. If!" I said.










Er, NO.








PS: I'm dedicated this blog to Great Auntie Maud, who is no longer with us, and to everyone I know who's got dementia, including my lovely, funny father, who would never let a crappy hideous illness get in the way of a good story. http://ift.tt/1oQ9Izl



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1oQ9GaF

These Adorable Twin Babies Are Far Too Busy To Be Getting Any Sleep

Andy Keher was just checking in on his twins Molly and Megan, who were supposed to be asleep.



"I put the babies to bed and after about half an hour I went back and could hear the sound of giggling from the corridor," Keher told the Liverpool Echo. "I crept in and videoed them playing peekaboo with each other which is something I’d never seen before."



Bless. And can you blame them? Chatting and playing peekaboo is far more exciting than sleeping... especially when you've got a twin to do them with!

SEE ALSO:

• Baby Has A Muscle Flex-Off With His Dad


• 
  


• Just A Baby Taking A Dog For A Walk

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vPO1oW

Steven Russell escaped from prison by using laxatives to fake the symptoms of AIDS…

Steven Russell escaped from prison by using laxatives to fake the symptoms of AIDS. He then called the prison, posing as a doctor, asking for prisoners interested in an experimental treatment, and volunteered. Once out of Texas, he sent death certificates to the prison stating he had died.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1Etl2uY

A Baltimore woman locked a police officer in her…

A Baltimore woman locked a police officer in her basement when he tried searching her home without a warrant. She sued and won a settlement.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1xovqzw

Doctors before the eleventh century would drink…

Doctors before the eleventh century would drink the urine of their patients to determine whether or not they had diabetes. A sugary taste indicated the person was diabetic.

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Brain Teaser 10/8/2014

1. How would you rearrange the letters in the words new door to make one word?



2. Can not be bought, can not be sold, even if it's made of gold. What is it?



3. If you multiply all the numbers on the telephone, what is the answer?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Fan Shop: Everything for fans of the NCAA, NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, MLS and much more.

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Heinz was caught underfilling its ketchup bottles…

Heinz was caught underfilling its ketchup bottles and was ordered to overfill its ketchup bottles for the next year.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1y5AMmm

Russian Policeman Hitches A Ride For A High-Speed Car Chase

Kansas is actually flatter…

Kansas is actually flatter than a pancake.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/10OHSOt

Kids Wish Foundation was named America’s Worst Charity…

Kids Wish Foundation was named America’s Worst Charity. Only 3 cents of every dollar raised went to the actual cause.

from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1CUmBQU

'Stop Touching Your Dough Balls!' The 18 Greatest Innuendos From This Season's 'Great British Bake Off'

This Cake Comes To Life When You Point A Camera At It

Today in History for 8th October 2014

Historical Events

1600 - San Marino adopts constitution

1908 - NY Giants set season attendance record at 910,000 (broken in 1920)

1933 - Coit Tower dedicated in San Francisco as a monument to firefighters

1956 - Don Larsen, NY, pitches only perfect World Series game, vs Brooklyn

1958 - KCMT TV channel 7 in Alexandria, MN (CBS/NBC/ABC) begins broadcasting

1993 - UN lifts remaining economic sanctions against South Africa

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1585 - Heinrich Schutz, composer

1690 - Jaime de Casellas, composer

1697 - Cornelis Consolation, Dutch portrait painter (Unseemly Love)

1900 - Zeno Octavian Vancea, composer

1910 - Raymod Gray Lewis, Ontario Canada, 4X400 relayer (Olympic-bronze-1932)

1951 - Jack O'Connell, American politician

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1728 - Anne Danican Philidor, French composer, dies at 47

1886 - Austin F. Pike, American politician from New Hampshire (b. 1819)

1940 - Robert Emden, Swiss geo/astro physics (Gaskugeln), dies at 78

1952 - Joe Adams, American baseball player (b. 1877)

1993 - Manke Nelis, [Cornelis Pieters], singer (Aunt Saar), dies at 73

2004 - Jacques Derrida, French philosopher (b. 1930)

More Famous Deaths »

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