Monday 27 October 2014
Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Oct 28, 2014)
Come on It's Time
g da wn
n
i
t
t
e
g
Check Braingle.com for the answer.
from Braingle's Teasers http://ift.tt/1fYO2jw
via 3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
g da wn
n
i
t
t
e
g
Check Braingle.com for the answer.
from Braingle's Teasers http://ift.tt/1fYO2jw
via 3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Reasons to be a Psychic Sceptic - Casper the Friendly A**hole
Let's spooky on down.
As we approach Halloween (Trick or Treat) I thought it'd be the right time to highlight a few concerns, inconsistencies, and discrepancies, about the wacky world of psychics and the afterlife.
I am prompted to write about this after reading an article about an individual who has written a book that entails: near-death experiences and reincarnation.
Before I begin, I would like to state the following....
The great TV detective Colombo once said (and was quoted as so in a film):
"There are three things to look out for in a crime scene...
(1) What's there now that wasn't there before?
(2) What was there before that isn't there now?
(3) What's been moved?
In other words, Colombo was merely highlighting probability and asking provability. He wrapped it up in a simple triple-point equation.
I would like to take Colombo's three-point turn and add a few twists.
Reasons to be a Psychic Skeptic
File One: The Clothing
You may ask why dead people are always seen wearing the last thing they wore before they died, or they may have on their favourite suit or dress.
I am not sure how Detective Colombo would analyze this one but there is a mathematical, logical, scientific-like, and tangible reason for this...
It is so that the ghosts' relatives will recognize them.
It is much more poetic that a diseased loved one is recognizable because if they were just a blobbed blurred orb floating on a ceiling, nobody would know who the hell they were.
File Two: The Eye Witness
Psychics can no longer get away with telling you there's 'a man in a dark suit standing over your shoulder, could that be your grandfather?'
That ship has sailed because way back in the day most men did indeed wear dark suits; but we are a lot older now. Time has moved on - and so has society.
When a psychic tells a client, 'there's a fat f**k, balding man, with badly-spelled tattoos, wearing an overstretched football top pressing dangerously-tight over his bloated stomach - holding a can of cheap lager - then I might be persuaded, otherwise.
However, as long as the same old, same old, 'dark-suited grandfather' is lurking in the shadows of the wallpaper, I ain't buying it.
I don't want a retired sailor with a pipe and a limp from last century. I want Casper the Friendly Assehole with a Kappa tracksuit and a fist shaking towards an angry mob.
File Three: Exhibit 'A'
Believers of psychics and their 'abilities' often point to the evergreen photo on the dressing table that has moved or fallen over flat on its face.
Now, here's a simple explanation that doesn't require the services of Detective Colombo: flimsy photo frame, door-opening-and-closing causing a draft, timber furniture and a floor in a house of a new-build that is still going through its settlement period.
Don't believe it? Well, if your loved ones really wanted to make contact with you don't you think they would do something a little more real-life than move a photograph a couple of millimeters?
If I was a ghost, and I had that kind of power, I would fire up the music system, make myself a sandwich, and empty the contents from your security-locked mini-bar. And, I wouldn't be hanging around a graveyard, either.
File Four: The Accomplice
If you were a ghost why would I need a psychic? I know lots of elderly men from last century who never went through a third party to get what they wanted. Even my own grandfather always cut out the middle man. Why the hell would he go through a buxom dark-haired, bandana-wearing lady with a gypsy forename, with his letter 'J'? when he can go direct to me and say, "It's grandpa John, son."
It's the alphabet, I tell ya. It's that bloody alphabet.
Five: The Guilty
Finally, I truly believe there is something of the extraordinary that we cannot explain. I understand the phenomena quite well. But, and I say 'but' with conviction; there are many charlatans who have cashed in on the vulnerable through their 'trade'.
Some of us don't have the answers to the afterlife more than we don't know how a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat.
Therein lies the similarities.
You see, we enjoy the magic of an illusionist but we never question how they stage it all up beforehand. We just enjoy a white dove flying out of the ass of a magician's assistant.
But we don't, however - and we should - question the afterlife claims, sightings, and paranormal activity claimed by the many who have never proved beyond any reasonable doubt.
Case Closed
Happy Halloween!
Read more of Stephen Hamilton's work in the Dafty News http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/12T1H8l
As we approach Halloween (Trick or Treat) I thought it'd be the right time to highlight a few concerns, inconsistencies, and discrepancies, about the wacky world of psychics and the afterlife.
I am prompted to write about this after reading an article about an individual who has written a book that entails: near-death experiences and reincarnation.
Before I begin, I would like to state the following....
The great TV detective Colombo once said (and was quoted as so in a film):
"There are three things to look out for in a crime scene...
(1) What's there now that wasn't there before?
(2) What was there before that isn't there now?
(3) What's been moved?
In other words, Colombo was merely highlighting probability and asking provability. He wrapped it up in a simple triple-point equation.
I would like to take Colombo's three-point turn and add a few twists.
Reasons to be a Psychic Skeptic
File One: The Clothing
You may ask why dead people are always seen wearing the last thing they wore before they died, or they may have on their favourite suit or dress.
I am not sure how Detective Colombo would analyze this one but there is a mathematical, logical, scientific-like, and tangible reason for this...
It is so that the ghosts' relatives will recognize them.
It is much more poetic that a diseased loved one is recognizable because if they were just a blobbed blurred orb floating on a ceiling, nobody would know who the hell they were.
File Two: The Eye Witness
Psychics can no longer get away with telling you there's 'a man in a dark suit standing over your shoulder, could that be your grandfather?'
That ship has sailed because way back in the day most men did indeed wear dark suits; but we are a lot older now. Time has moved on - and so has society.
When a psychic tells a client, 'there's a fat f**k, balding man, with badly-spelled tattoos, wearing an overstretched football top pressing dangerously-tight over his bloated stomach - holding a can of cheap lager - then I might be persuaded, otherwise.
However, as long as the same old, same old, 'dark-suited grandfather' is lurking in the shadows of the wallpaper, I ain't buying it.
I don't want a retired sailor with a pipe and a limp from last century. I want Casper the Friendly Assehole with a Kappa tracksuit and a fist shaking towards an angry mob.
File Three: Exhibit 'A'
Believers of psychics and their 'abilities' often point to the evergreen photo on the dressing table that has moved or fallen over flat on its face.
Now, here's a simple explanation that doesn't require the services of Detective Colombo: flimsy photo frame, door-opening-and-closing causing a draft, timber furniture and a floor in a house of a new-build that is still going through its settlement period.
Don't believe it? Well, if your loved ones really wanted to make contact with you don't you think they would do something a little more real-life than move a photograph a couple of millimeters?
If I was a ghost, and I had that kind of power, I would fire up the music system, make myself a sandwich, and empty the contents from your security-locked mini-bar. And, I wouldn't be hanging around a graveyard, either.
File Four: The Accomplice
If you were a ghost why would I need a psychic? I know lots of elderly men from last century who never went through a third party to get what they wanted. Even my own grandfather always cut out the middle man. Why the hell would he go through a buxom dark-haired, bandana-wearing lady with a gypsy forename, with his letter 'J'? when he can go direct to me and say, "It's grandpa John, son."
It's the alphabet, I tell ya. It's that bloody alphabet.
Five: The Guilty
Finally, I truly believe there is something of the extraordinary that we cannot explain. I understand the phenomena quite well. But, and I say 'but' with conviction; there are many charlatans who have cashed in on the vulnerable through their 'trade'.
Some of us don't have the answers to the afterlife more than we don't know how a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat.
Therein lies the similarities.
You see, we enjoy the magic of an illusionist but we never question how they stage it all up beforehand. We just enjoy a white dove flying out of the ass of a magician's assistant.
But we don't, however - and we should - question the afterlife claims, sightings, and paranormal activity claimed by the many who have never proved beyond any reasonable doubt.
Case Closed
Happy Halloween!
Read more of Stephen Hamilton's work in the Dafty News http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/12T1H8l
Richard Ayoade Vs Krishnan Guru-Murthy
The recent interview between the very talented comedian Richard Ayoade and Krishnan Guru-Murthy on Channel 4 News last week - the same day that the disgraced Olympic South African athlete Oscar Pistorius was sent to jail for five years - has left me thinking about the relationship between interviewer and interviewee.
The reason for the interview was that Richard rarely gives interviews so he had decided to write a new book in which he interviews himself. As Krishnan said in his introduction, ...so let the real Richard Ayoade stand up. But the comedian repeatedly refused the promote his book on air and we learnt little about it.
Instead Richard, plucking at his hair and being extremely funny throughout that I nearly fell off the sofa, decided to ask a few of his own questions. At which point, Krishnan had to remind Richard who was being interviewed and who was doing the questioning. Even funnier was when it was time to end and move onto the next item, Richard said to Krishnan: "Don't thank me; I've done nothing for you."
As a viewer, I didn't get the feeling that Krishnan was feeling either flustered, tongue-tied or even embarrassed, but just that I think he didn't know how to get it all off the ground. At one point, he even asks Richard to "help" him.
It was a live interview, which made it even more worthy of watching and afterwards, Krishnan wrote a 10 point memo to anyone interested about the interview on his blog. It was no doubt a difficult interview and I think Krishnan handled it with adeptness and delight. Those media types who criticized it afterwards need to think again.
Perhaps we have to think that Richard didn't want to be there in the first please. "I don't dislike interviews," he said at one point, "it's a bit more like commuting. I accept it as a part of this, but no one, you know, loves it."
Richard is half Nigerian, half Norwegian and he was asked whether he felt he was a role model for other Norwegians, to which he responded: "I do, and I feel that Norway as a nation looks to me and my activities, in many ways to marshal any kind of policies they can drum up, and have been doing so for a while." He even added for good measure that this year, the Norwegian government would be sending their Christmas tree to him, rather than to Trafalgar Square.
Krishnan insists the media critics won't bring him down and says rather than being outwitted by the IT star, they were just having a laugh. It certainly seemed so to me from my comfortable sofa.
"Interviewing famous people about their latest project is a bit like commuting for me too," responds Krishnan. "Nobody enjoys it. It is just a mostly inescapable part of getting an interview with an artist or celebrity."
But whatever the interview did or didn't achieve, it has made people sit up and take notice of them both. In my book, whatever their relationship, it was good viewing and fun watching. As one viewer quipped afterwards, it was almost as though Krishnan was trying to ask Richard out on a date. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rMp49d
The reason for the interview was that Richard rarely gives interviews so he had decided to write a new book in which he interviews himself. As Krishnan said in his introduction, ...so let the real Richard Ayoade stand up. But the comedian repeatedly refused the promote his book on air and we learnt little about it.
Instead Richard, plucking at his hair and being extremely funny throughout that I nearly fell off the sofa, decided to ask a few of his own questions. At which point, Krishnan had to remind Richard who was being interviewed and who was doing the questioning. Even funnier was when it was time to end and move onto the next item, Richard said to Krishnan: "Don't thank me; I've done nothing for you."
As a viewer, I didn't get the feeling that Krishnan was feeling either flustered, tongue-tied or even embarrassed, but just that I think he didn't know how to get it all off the ground. At one point, he even asks Richard to "help" him.
It was a live interview, which made it even more worthy of watching and afterwards, Krishnan wrote a 10 point memo to anyone interested about the interview on his blog. It was no doubt a difficult interview and I think Krishnan handled it with adeptness and delight. Those media types who criticized it afterwards need to think again.
Perhaps we have to think that Richard didn't want to be there in the first please. "I don't dislike interviews," he said at one point, "it's a bit more like commuting. I accept it as a part of this, but no one, you know, loves it."
Richard is half Nigerian, half Norwegian and he was asked whether he felt he was a role model for other Norwegians, to which he responded: "I do, and I feel that Norway as a nation looks to me and my activities, in many ways to marshal any kind of policies they can drum up, and have been doing so for a while." He even added for good measure that this year, the Norwegian government would be sending their Christmas tree to him, rather than to Trafalgar Square.
Krishnan insists the media critics won't bring him down and says rather than being outwitted by the IT star, they were just having a laugh. It certainly seemed so to me from my comfortable sofa.
"Interviewing famous people about their latest project is a bit like commuting for me too," responds Krishnan. "Nobody enjoys it. It is just a mostly inescapable part of getting an interview with an artist or celebrity."
But whatever the interview did or didn't achieve, it has made people sit up and take notice of them both. In my book, whatever their relationship, it was good viewing and fun watching. As one viewer quipped afterwards, it was almost as though Krishnan was trying to ask Richard out on a date. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rMp49d
Bit of a Grey Area
Recently, having just had my hair cut at the type of salon that charges more for a short back and sides than I used to spend on a weekly food shop, I bumped into an old flame. These are awkward situations at the best of times, but at least I was looking sharp. Or so I thought. "You're going grey!" she squawked, triumphantly, before I'd even had a chance to recount how well I was doing and how it had all weirdly coincided with us parting ways.
A more sensitive soul might have felt her opening gambit was a rather rude way to begin a conversation, but then said ex had never been one to mince her words. Or her meat for that matter. She was a veggie, I seem to recall. As it was, her comments were like water off a greying mallard's back; for, as my mum has now begun pointing out, some of the world's most attractive men are grey. Take George Clooney, she says (and she would. In a heartbeat) - a paragon of godly grey gorgeousness. Then there's George Lamb - although it already feels like we're scraping the barrel. And what's with them all being called George, anyway? Plus, is it just me or wouldn't these fellas have been good looking whatever the hue of their hair? Clearly, my ex had got inside my head. Classic ex behaviour.
Age is a funny old thing though, ain't it? All at once it can be subjective, ill-defined, fluid, scary and beautiful, and there are plenty of folk for whom getting old isn't viewed as the least bit funny at all. Fortunately, ageing is a process that holds no fear for me, largely because I've thus far chosen to ignore it in its entirety. Yes, I am still in my twenties, albeit not for much longer; at 29, I just about scrape within the brackets of what most people consider relatively young, though freshers might view such claims with suspicion and as far as children are concerned, there's no doubt I'm positively ancient. However, it appears that even if I'm not ready to succumb to society's definition of ageing yet, ageing may just be ready for me.
Having increasingly accumulated the trappings associated with grown up life, such as an almost proper job and the ability to entertain the idea of a Saturday afternoon trip to Wickes as not just a necessity but a frivolity, I am, to the outside world at least, a fully functioning adult. And yet still, whilst staring down the barrel of my fourth decade, I can happily spend whole days, nay weeks, adorned in nothing but a dressing gown. Strictly speaking, that's only appropriate if you're a student or Arthur Dent. And whereas plenty of my friends now have mortgages to pay and extra mouths to feed, I'm most content sat in my rented flat playing (and more often losing) countless games of FIFA.
Thus, whatever my grey streaks may suggest, I still feel like a youthful whippersnapper. Well, most of the time, anyway. Aside from the odd barbed comment of an ex, there's always the agonisingly lengthening hangover recovery periods to remind me that, though the mind may be willing, the flesh is increasingly prone to suffering at the hands of questionable liquors (I'm looking at you, Amaretto). On reflection, none of this worries me a great deal. What has got me worried is the amount of friends turning thirty recently. Not in a chronological sense, you understand. If anything it was to be expected following their 29th birthdays the previous year. Instead, what I find alarming is the way this arbitrary anniversary seems to herald a new era of grown up-ness, when I for one just don't feel ready.
Consider this: according to recent research carried out by the highly credible scientists at Lucozade, second only in the drinks-science field to the boffins at Red Bull who discovered how to give humans wings, most Britons don't consider themselves adult in any sense until the age of 24. Only then do we shake off the cloying uncertainty of adolescence and fully embrace who we are meant to be. And yet, six short years of unburdened freedom later, many of us have already consigned ourselves to an invisible, inevitable checklist that governs the rest of our lives. Marriage? Check. Mortgage? Check. Children? Check. Visit the Czech Republic? Check. Learn how to play chess? Check mate.
I'm not saying these aren't things I aspire to as well, because they are (particularly that last one), nor am I critical of those who've already achieved them (I mean who wouldn't want to sample the many delights of Prague?) I'm just wary about according them time frames, because the way I see it, if I can't be trusted to dress myself every day, it's probably best I don't have kids just yet. http://ift.tt/1rMdCKL
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wCZx99
Actress Tippi Hedren and her family (including her
Actress Tippi Hedren and her family (including her then-teenage daughter Melanie Griffith) lived with a pet lion named Neil for a while back in the 1970s. Here’s Neil and Melanie are taking a nap together.
from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1oQfXsp
Tesco Might Want To Rethink The Design Of Its Buttermilk Cartons...
As Redditor andyburdens notes: Tesco really did make a cock and balls of this packaging:
The crease on the right-hand carton doesn't help, of course.
Sadly, these buttermilk cartons are only available from Tesco in Ireland - although that said, we have a feeling they might not last that long there either... http://ift.tt/1wwaBBt
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/10/27/tesco-buttermilk-funny-picture_n_6054072.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy
The crease on the right-hand carton doesn't help, of course.
Sadly, these buttermilk cartons are only available from Tesco in Ireland - although that said, we have a feeling they might not last that long there either... http://ift.tt/1wwaBBt
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/10/27/tesco-buttermilk-funny-picture_n_6054072.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy
The Spirit of Lovers On the Beach Optical Illusion
Sunday is here, and today is a day when people really go out of their way to relax. While relaxing, some people decide to leave their homes and head for the shore. In today’s optical illusion, you see two people out on the beach, but they are not alone. Can you all see that there are lovers hidden around the beach and in the sky? There have been many famous lovers that ended up dying tragically, and it could be that this beach is where their spirits have gone to find peace. Do you all see the couples that are hidden in this image?
Speaking of hidden illusions, take a look at this wolf illusion. How many wolves can you all find hidden in this picture? There are some wolves that can be seen rather quickly such as the one in the sky, but that is not the only one around. There are at least eight wolves hidden in this picture, and if you all can find all of them, please leave a comment below. Remember, not everyone has good eyesight, and may need comments they can use as clues to find these furry hidden objects. Good luck in the wolf hunt and have a great day!
The post The Spirit of Lovers On the Beach Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.
from Mighty Optical Illusions http://ift.tt/1v4npN6
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
The Spirit of Lovers On the Beach Optical Illusion
Sunday is here, and today is a day when people really go out of their way to relax. While relaxing, some people decide to leave their homes and head for the shore. In today’s optical illusion, you see two people out on the beach, but they are not alone. Can you all see that there are lovers hidden around the beach and in the sky? There have been many famous lovers that ended up dying tragically, and it could be that this beach is where their spirits have gone to find peace. Do you all see the couples that are hidden in this image?
Speaking of hidden illusions, take a look at this wolf illusion. How many wolves can you all find hidden in this picture? There are some wolves that can be seen rather quickly such as the one in the sky, but that is not the only one around. There are at least eight wolves hidden in this picture, and if you all can find all of them, please leave a comment below. Remember, not everyone has good eyesight, and may need comments they can use as clues to find these furry hidden objects. Good luck in the wolf hunt and have a great day!
The post The Spirit of Lovers On the Beach Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.
from Mighty Optical Illusions http://ift.tt/1v4npN6
via IFTTT
The 'Sexy Burka' Song From 'The Infidel' Musical May Change The Way You Think About Women Wearing The Traditional Muslim Dress
'The Infidel - The Musical' is the stage (and, yes, musical) version of the film starring Omid Djalili, about a British Muslim who discovers he's actually Jewish.
Written by David Baddiel, with music by Erran Baron Cohen (Sacha's older brother), it's currently playing at the Theatre Royal Stratford East in London.
And here's one of the numbers from it, the really rather marvellous 'Sexy Burka' song - which contains such gems as 'You can wear it with a necklace/You can wear it with a hat/Ignore the possibility that you look like a bat' and the exchange 'I prefer a little black dress'/'What you need is a big black tent'.
Wonderful stuff.
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rL3jGK
Written by David Baddiel, with music by Erran Baron Cohen (Sacha's older brother), it's currently playing at the Theatre Royal Stratford East in London.
And here's one of the numbers from it, the really rather marvellous 'Sexy Burka' song - which contains such gems as 'You can wear it with a necklace/You can wear it with a hat/Ignore the possibility that you look like a bat' and the exchange 'I prefer a little black dress'/'What you need is a big black tent'.
Wonderful stuff.
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rL3jGK
Woman Dresses Up As Dead Girl From 'The Ring' And Scares The Wits Out Of People In Philadelphia
The streets of Philadelphia can be an unforgiving place, as any Bruce Springsteen fan knows.
But they just got a lot more unforgiving - thanks to Jeana Smith from PrankvsPrank, whose Halloween trick (as opposed to treat) was to dress up as Samara, the scary dead girl from 'The Ring' films, and proceed to prank passers-by.
There are some lovely reactions - but we particularly like the response of the cat...
(Via Tastefully Offensive)
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zzAhmm
But they just got a lot more unforgiving - thanks to Jeana Smith from PrankvsPrank, whose Halloween trick (as opposed to treat) was to dress up as Samara, the scary dead girl from 'The Ring' films, and proceed to prank passers-by.
There are some lovely reactions - but we particularly like the response of the cat...
SEE ALSO:
- Great Halloween Pranks To Play On Your Friends
- Utterly Terrifying Political Halloween Costumes
- 10 Ways America Has Ruined Halloween For British People
- Hilarious Homemade Halloween Costumes
- Essential Songs For A Halloween Party
(Via Tastefully Offensive)
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zzAhmm
Ten Awkward Questions Straight People Ask Lesbians (And How to Inappropriately Answer Them)
Coming Out is hard to do, and it's amazing how curious everyone suddenly becomes. But how to handle the questioning? Like a grown up, with dignity and respect? Or if you fancy having little fun with it, here's how...
1. "Do you Scissor?"
Acceptable Answer - No, that's something Porn invented but rarely happens in real life.
Tempting Answer - Every morning. You have to, in order to be a lesbian, or you're not allowed in the club. I'd have to sit alone at the "faker" table at the annual meeting encased in shame and be shunned from the community. They may even revoke my Lesbian Licence and I'd have to return my "I Love Labia" t-shirt.
2. "Will you have a threesome with us?"
Acceptable Answer - Thank you, I'm flattered, but no.
Tempting Answer - Hooray! I've been just dying for you to ask. Of course, I'd love to, because that won't end up awkward or humiliating at all. You know, it's so rare to find someone who knows that the only reason I became a lesbian was to spice up the sex lives of couples who are struggling in the bedroom.
3. "Do you use a dildo?"
Acceptable Answer - Sometimes, depending on personal preference and availability of such object.
Tempting Answer - Of course. The presence of a phallic object is essential in lesbian sex. We can't possibly do without them.
4. "Don't you miss penis?"
Acceptable Answer - Like a hole in the head.
Tempting Answer - Yes, sometimes I lie awake at night, eyes welling, wondering how I'll get by without the joyful pleasure acquired by being poked incessantly by something attached to a hairy, sweating man most likely concerned only with his own satisfaction.
5. "How do you define if it's sex if nothings *gone in*?"
Acceptable Answer - We define sex as sexual activity that goes beyond heavy petting.
Tempting Answer - Well obviously we don't call it sex. God said sex is between a man and a woman, so it would be a sin to regard ourselves as having intercourse. We try not to think about it and hope our eternal souls will be forgiven on the day of judgement.
6. "Do you just hate men? Like, did some guy piss you off or something?"
Acceptable Answer - No, I am attracted to women. It's normal.
Tempting Answer - Well obviously. I had a boyfriend once who fancied Jennifer Anniston. When he told me about it, my world fell apart and I am so emotionally scarred that I can now only be with women. He should be truly ashamed of causing me to make this catastrophic and unnatural change to my lifestyle.
7. "Isn't a Strap-On uncomfortable?"
Acceptable Answer - No, they're designed to be "user-friendly".
Tempting Answer - Horribly. It's like sand-paper to the vagina. You know how stopping to put on a condom can really ruin the mood? Imagine having to spend a considerable amount of time attaching a harness, complete with buckles and straps.
8. (From A Female Friend) - "So do you fancy me, then?"
Acceptable Answer - There is no acceptable answer to this. A "No" is insulting and a "Yes" makes everyone uncomfortable. You can't win this question.
Tempting Answer - Yes, you're the reason I became a lesbian. *Longing Stare*
9. "Don't you want kids?"
Acceptable Answer - Maybe, but lesbians can still have kids. It just requires more planning.
Tempting Answer - Out of the question. Thus is my punishment for choosing to be a lesbian.
10. "Don't you think you'll end up with a man?"
Acceptable Answer - No. Just like you're not going to end up with a donkey. Once again... I am not attracted to men.
Tempting Answer - God I hope so. This lesbian phase of mine is becoming tiring. Here's hoping I'm soon cured of this anomaly once and for all. It's been exhausting pretending to like women just to turn on men. I can't wait to get married to a man, just like we all should, and finally be normal again.
About the Author - E J Rosetta is an LGBT writer from Hampshire. More ramblings can be found at http://ift.tt/1uJEf3N or via Twitter - @EJRosetta http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/ZTzEDv
1. "Do you Scissor?"
Acceptable Answer - No, that's something Porn invented but rarely happens in real life.
Tempting Answer - Every morning. You have to, in order to be a lesbian, or you're not allowed in the club. I'd have to sit alone at the "faker" table at the annual meeting encased in shame and be shunned from the community. They may even revoke my Lesbian Licence and I'd have to return my "I Love Labia" t-shirt.
2. "Will you have a threesome with us?"
Acceptable Answer - Thank you, I'm flattered, but no.
Tempting Answer - Hooray! I've been just dying for you to ask. Of course, I'd love to, because that won't end up awkward or humiliating at all. You know, it's so rare to find someone who knows that the only reason I became a lesbian was to spice up the sex lives of couples who are struggling in the bedroom.
3. "Do you use a dildo?"
Acceptable Answer - Sometimes, depending on personal preference and availability of such object.
Tempting Answer - Of course. The presence of a phallic object is essential in lesbian sex. We can't possibly do without them.
4. "Don't you miss penis?"
Acceptable Answer - Like a hole in the head.
Tempting Answer - Yes, sometimes I lie awake at night, eyes welling, wondering how I'll get by without the joyful pleasure acquired by being poked incessantly by something attached to a hairy, sweating man most likely concerned only with his own satisfaction.
5. "How do you define if it's sex if nothings *gone in*?"
Acceptable Answer - We define sex as sexual activity that goes beyond heavy petting.
Tempting Answer - Well obviously we don't call it sex. God said sex is between a man and a woman, so it would be a sin to regard ourselves as having intercourse. We try not to think about it and hope our eternal souls will be forgiven on the day of judgement.
6. "Do you just hate men? Like, did some guy piss you off or something?"
Acceptable Answer - No, I am attracted to women. It's normal.
Tempting Answer - Well obviously. I had a boyfriend once who fancied Jennifer Anniston. When he told me about it, my world fell apart and I am so emotionally scarred that I can now only be with women. He should be truly ashamed of causing me to make this catastrophic and unnatural change to my lifestyle.
7. "Isn't a Strap-On uncomfortable?"
Acceptable Answer - No, they're designed to be "user-friendly".
Tempting Answer - Horribly. It's like sand-paper to the vagina. You know how stopping to put on a condom can really ruin the mood? Imagine having to spend a considerable amount of time attaching a harness, complete with buckles and straps.
8. (From A Female Friend) - "So do you fancy me, then?"
Acceptable Answer - There is no acceptable answer to this. A "No" is insulting and a "Yes" makes everyone uncomfortable. You can't win this question.
Tempting Answer - Yes, you're the reason I became a lesbian. *Longing Stare*
9. "Don't you want kids?"
Acceptable Answer - Maybe, but lesbians can still have kids. It just requires more planning.
Tempting Answer - Out of the question. Thus is my punishment for choosing to be a lesbian.
10. "Don't you think you'll end up with a man?"
Acceptable Answer - No. Just like you're not going to end up with a donkey. Once again... I am not attracted to men.
Tempting Answer - God I hope so. This lesbian phase of mine is becoming tiring. Here's hoping I'm soon cured of this anomaly once and for all. It's been exhausting pretending to like women just to turn on men. I can't wait to get married to a man, just like we all should, and finally be normal again.
About the Author - E J Rosetta is an LGBT writer from Hampshire. More ramblings can be found at http://ift.tt/1uJEf3N or via Twitter - @EJRosetta http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/ZTzEDv
Astronomers have found a planet that rains…
Astronomers have found a planet that rains liquid glass sideways amid 4,500 mph winds.
from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/12QHjVf
Chillies evolved heat to deter mammals from eating…
Chillies evolved heat to deter mammals from eating them whilst not affecting birds, who can’t taste them and fly around pooping the seeds everywhere.
from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1wBIZhV
You can get pregnant while being pregnant…
You can get pregnant while being pregnant. In 2009, Todd and Julia Grovenburg of Fort Smith, Arkansas, received international media attention for Mrs. Grovenburg’s conception of an additional child while already pregnant with a child conceived two and a half weeks earlier. If it were possible to carry both children to term, the birth of the first child would be expected in December 2009, whereas the second child would be due in January 2010. Grovenburg’s obstetrician reported that cases of superfetation “can only be confirmed after delivery by chromosomal and metabolic studies on the baby.” Both healthy babies were delivered through Caesarean section on 2 December 2009.
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There are 2 million saunas in Finland, 99% of Finns…
There are 2 million saunas in Finland, 99% of Finns take a sauna at least once per week, and its not abnormal for families, acquaintances and even business associates there to sauna nude together.
from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1rKJG1x
During The First Opium War of 1839, 19,000 British…
During The First Opium War of 1839, 19,000 British troops fought against 200,000 Chinese. The Chinese had 20,000 casualties, the British just 69. The war marked the start of the “Century of Humiliation” in China.
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There have been two known fatalities of people…
There have been two known fatalities of people suffocating on marshmallows playing Chubby Bunny. So to date Chubby Bunny has killed more in the US than Ebola.
from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1wBIXGO
12 Funny And Scary Ways To Prank Your Friends This Halloween
Want to terrify your nearest and dearest this Halloween? Simply try one of these pranks on them.
But be warned: they may not be your friends afterwards...
(Video made for HuffPost UK Comedy by Handface and Amanda Wilkie)
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xvdUZM
But be warned: they may not be your friends afterwards...
(Video made for HuffPost UK Comedy by Handface and Amanda Wilkie)
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1xvdUZM
This 'Sims' Naked Halloween Costume Is Perfect
'Sims' Halloween costumes?
Been done.
'Sims' getting-out-of-the-shower pixellated nude Halloween costumes?
Thanks, Imgur.
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1stwmh4
Been done.
'Sims' getting-out-of-the-shower pixellated nude Halloween costumes?
Thanks, Imgur.
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1stwmh4
The Difference Between Ebola Media Coverage In The UK And The US
In which 'Russell Howard's Good News' shows how the British media's response to the ebola crisis has differed from that of our cousins across the Pond...
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1stwm0y
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1stwm0y
Brain Teaser 10/27/2014
Both Halloween Cryptogram puzzles use the same code.
Hint: V=I
"UTDA L TLZZIUDDA TLEAQDP TIEYD VY YQSVXVAFZO DDSVD, CDICZD NIEZP YLO VQ'Y YCIIX-QLNEZLS."
"BIS TLZZIUDDA, V UIAPDS VB CLSDAQY QTVAX IB YDAPVAF QTDVS NIZZDFD XVPY YNLSD CLNXLFDY."
Solution
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
MP3 Downloads: The Best In Music.
from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1rKg44p
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Hint: V=I
"UTDA L TLZZIUDDA TLEAQDP TIEYD VY YQSVXVAFZO DDSVD, CDICZD NIEZP YLO VQ'Y YCIIX-QLNEZLS."
"BIS TLZZIUDDA, V UIAPDS VB CLSDAQY QTVAX IB YDAPVAF QTDVS NIZZDFD XVPY YNLSD CLNXLFDY."
Solution
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
MP3 Downloads: The Best In Music.
from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1rKg44p
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Roomba Shark Cat Gets Into The Halloween Spirit By Dressing As Princess Jasmine And Riding A Magic Carpet
Internet feline superstar Max-Arthur is back!
Yes, the cat best known for riding a Roomba while dressed as a shark has got all dressed up for Halloween.
And his costume is that of Princess Jasmine from 'Aladdin' - with his Roomba doubling up as a magic carpet.
We don't use the word lightly, but: genius.
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wB7dJ2
Yes, the cat best known for riding a Roomba while dressed as a shark has got all dressed up for Halloween.
And his costume is that of Princess Jasmine from 'Aladdin' - with his Roomba doubling up as a magic carpet.
We don't use the word lightly, but: genius.
SEE ALSO:
- Roomba Shark Cat Meets Shark Baby!
- 21 Dogs And Cats Rocking The Halloween Look
- 15 Hilarious Homemade Halloween Costumes
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wB7dJ2
Today in History for 27th October 2014
Historical Events
1927 - Queen Wilhelmina opens Meuse-Waal Canal in Nijmegen
1968 - 19th Olympic games close at Mexico City, Mexico
1982 - IBM ROM is capable of EGA graphics
1984 - USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakh/Semipalitinsk USSR
1992 - Fox is to launch Tuesday night network TV, rescheduled to Decemeber
2002 - Anaheim Angels defeat San Francisco Giants 4-3 in baseball's World Series championship, MVP: Troy Glaus, Anaheim
Famous Birthdays
1842 - Giovanni Giolitti, 5x premier of Italy (1892..1921)
1912 - Conlon Nancarrow, Texarkana Arkansas, composer (Soundings 4)
1916 - Bob de Lange, [Jacob Bernard], Dutch actor/director (Daniel)
1917 - Jack Plimsoll, cricketer (S Afr lefty quick, 3-143 in only Test 1947)
1923 - Roy Lichtenstein, American artist (d. 1997)
1971 - Mike Ricci, Scarborough, NHL center (Colorado Avalanche)
Famous Deaths
1271 - Hugh IV, Duke of Burgundy, French crusader (b. 1213)
1651 - Jan III van Foreest, Dutch lawyer/poet/mayor of Hoorn, dies
1954 - Franco Alfano, Ital (opera)composer (Puccini's Turandot), dies at 78
1964 - Sammee Tong, actor (Bachelor Father, Mickey), dies at 63
1990 - Xavier Cugart, bandlander, dies of heart failure at 90
1992 - Roy Marshall, cricketer (143 runs for WI, 35725 runs overall), dies
from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/SoCbOL
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