Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Dec 02, 2014)

Rhyming Cities



What two names of US capital cities rhyme but share no vowels?





Check Braingle.com for the answer.

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Sweet Ride Of The Day

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Little Wheel Struggle

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A Polish midwife, responsible for delivery of over 3,000 children…

A Polish midwife, responsible for delivery of over 3,000 children in Auschwitz, marked them with a ‘tattoo’ that would not be recognized by the SS guards, hoping that in the future it would be possible to recover these children.

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Russell Brand Calls Reporter 'A Snide' Over Hostile Questions About The Price Of His Property

European Comedy Tour Journal, Day 14: Reykjavik (Part Two)

I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour.


Day: 14



Date: 9 November 2014



Destination: Reykjavik



Subject: Daniel Sloss



10:00

It was pleasant to say the least finally having some company for breakfast after two long weeks of dining alone. To my delight our promoter from the show, Berang, was already seated sipping a coffee and nibbling on some cooked meats when I arrived heavy eyed in the hotel's designated communal dining area. Restaurant, I think, would be too fancy a word to describe the minimalistic style of food presentation the hotel had opted for. I grabbed some ham, cheese and hard bread from the ration board and joined Berang in sitting. In the absence of Daniel, who chooses to end his fast late in the afternoon sooner than conforming to the conventional tradition of consuming a waking meal, we discussed whether or not the girl who rather playfully opened conversation with him (Daniel) in the street last night was of age. Although the girl who showed interest in Daniel outside of a bar was comely and could pass as an adult based on appearance alone, some of her affectations suggested otherwise, the fact her alcoholic beverage was in a vessel she owned and not the property of a publican inclined me to assume she wasn't in possession of valid identification, and her asking strangers for cigarettes opposite a seven-eleven store that sold them told me she lived off an allowance, not a wage. We concluded that her womanhood was an illusion and that Daniel's instincts to not engage in the flirtatious repartee she had commenced could possibly have saved his career and his freedom.



14:00

Seeing as we have a day off from travelling and performing today, and Berang doesn't return to Sweden until tomorrow, we all agreed on applying our free time to recreation. Daniel joined us to eventually ingest some food as we lunched on the fresh catch of the day before our Icelandic host, Ari, picked us up. We are now being transported out of the city through an unforgiving terrain of lava and moss towards the Blue Lagoon, a natural volcanic spring warmed conveniently to a perfect temperature for relaxation by the bosom of Mother Earth herself.



18:00

When we cast off our robes and pranced ungracefully in semi undress towards the cloud of vapour that concealed the surface of the volcanic spring water, the arctic wind cut through our bones with vicious hostility. Goose-flesh spread quickly across my entire surface, priming my skin perfectly for the overwhelming sensation of then being immersed in liquid steam some seconds later. Once submerged I was certain I could quite contently live the rest of my days neck deep in this water. Now I'm not one to the condone the commercialisation of a natural delight but I must concede that installing a bar in a volcanic spring was a stroke of undisputed genius. Just as the earth warmed water heats you from the outside in, the air chilled beer cools you from the inside out, causing an occluded front in your veins that culminates into a storm of sheer satisfaction. Meanwhile, Daniel instantly came out in a rash.



Despite Daniel's dermatological discomfort he insisted he was fine to continue the afternoon's activities, the grotesque raised blemishes flushing across his skin tissue like a time-lapse of mould consuming a sandwich is allegedly something that happens to him quite often in water. How very inconvenient that his kryptonite happens to be the key ingredient of which he is made.



22:00

After a wonderful day in Earth's natural spa we all retreated for a nap, when we regrouped Daniel's skin had returned to its original vitality and we went for a meal minus the company of the native Ari who had family obligations. The meal was one of pure indulgence, Daniel, Berang and I quite frugally filled the table with espresso martinis, red wine, mink whale, langoustine tails, sushi and steak amongst other finesse touches to our platter. I must admit, I forgot who I was for a moment, and although the bill translated into pounds as a lot less than we anticipated, I think I must write off any hope of this particular part of the social study as being financially beneficial and fly onwards to Geneva tomorrow of the frame of mind that I thoroughly enjoyed my holiday in Iceland.



02:00

We followed up the meal with some beers and were joined by a friend of ours from home and her boyfriend who are also in town, I happened upon a deck of cards in the drinking establishment and taught our five strong group an exciting multi-player game that I learned from an Arabian lady when I visited Malta in 2013. On introducing this game into our circle we witnessed Daniel exhibiting an exuberant display of competitive vigour. He played that game of cards like his life depended on it, and consistently lost, fortunately his mortality was not actually at stake, but if it was, he'd be dead.



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The Santa Claus List: Santa's 10 Very Best Tips For Christmas

Hi there - Santa here.



Just decided to make a list of my very best Christmas Tips. So many people out there trying to be Santa Claus on Chistmas Eve, so many of them messing up. They just don't know their ass from their reindeer!



Without further ado: The Santa List, as so officially authorised by the world's Number One Father Christmas.



1. You want to make a list - and you want to check it. You want to check it at least once, maybe even twice.



The thing is: if you don't make a list, then you're going to cock things up. You'll be giving presents to naughty kids who should never have been on the list - and, much worse, you'll forget to give presents to the nice kids. The nice kids get really cut up if they don't get any presents.



So: Make that list! Check it! Check it once! Check it twice!



2. Do your homework. Before you make the list, you've got to suss the kids out. Basically: you've got to find out who's naughty or nice.



Now this isn't nearly as simple as it might sound. Lot of naughty kids out there who are just faking it. Naughty kids do not go on the list.



And then there are a whole load of kids out there who may have a bit of an attitude but who are fundamentally nice. Nice kids go on the list. Guess what I'm really saying is: you've got to know if they've been good or bad.



3. The kids you're really looking out for are not just the nice ones but the ones who've been good for Goodness' Sake. These are kiddy gold.



Now over the years a lot of people have asked me: "Just what does it mean to be good for goodness' sake?" (And should there be an apostrophe after goodness, or should we just leave it as is?)



Personally speaking, I prefer the apostrophe. "For Goodness' sake" just looks classier, know what I mean?



And what is being "good for goodness' sake?" Tricky. Maybe it's the kids out there who just like being good. Never given it much thought.



4. Check the sledge, check the reindeer - because on Christmas Eve, you want to be coming to town.



You do not want to be stuck on some chimney top just because Rudolph has thrown a shoe.



You see this whole Christmas Eve schtick is really all about planning. You find out who's been naughty or nice. You make a list - and then you check , check that list. And then you also have to check that the sledge and the reindeer are good to go - otherwise you will so not be coming to town.



5. When you get into the kids' bedrooms, see whether they're asleep.



The kids have to be asleep because otherwise they're going to see what you're doing. Sometimes they start shouting. Things can turn nasty.



How do you tell when they're asleep and when they're shamming? I don't know. It's a very difficult thing to put your finger on. Intuition. Somehow you just know when they're awake.



6. Watch out for the criers and the pouty ones.



Kids who are crying or pouting are basically not asleep, and therefore, as per tip # 5, should be avoided - and I'm telling you why: these kids are the not the sort of kids who deserve to get a goddamn Christmas present.



Why? Well: we just don't like kids who cry. And as for kids who pout? Yuk! Pouty kids are not going on my Christmas list any time soon.



7. I tend to stock up on a lot of the same presents - just makes things more simple. For the girls, I prefer little tin horns and little toy drums.



They're a bit noisy, particularly when the kids wake up, but for me horns and drums are always a total winner. Just make sure they're little though - big horns and big drums do not go down well with the parents.



8. As for the boys, I generally like to give them rooty toot-toots and rummy tum-tums



I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking the same thing I was thinking when I first heard about rooty toot-toots and rummy tum-tums: as in, what the hell is a toot-toot, rooty or otherwise, and just what, if any, is the difference between a rummy tum-tum and violent diarrhoea?



It's perfectly simple: they're sweeties! Some dullards believe that rooty toot-toots and rummy tum-tums are the noises that come out of the little horns and drums, but this Is not the case. Otherwise the boys would have no toothy-rotters to suck on in the morning.



9. You can't dick around on this job - you're a busy, busy man. Guess what I'm saying is this: there's no time for play.



First time I started out, I was for ever fooling around. Sucking on the rooty toot-toots and playing the little tin horns.



But if you're serious about being Santa, you've got to realise there are millions of stockings to fill - and you've got to have the whole lot filled by Christmas Day,



10. Lot of things to remember if you're going to do Christmas Eve properly. You've got to make that list, check it twice; find out who's been good or bad, and in particular, look out for the kids who have been good for goodness' sake. Check the sledge and reindeer so you can actually get to town. Once you've come to town, you've got to see who's sleeping and know who's awake. Watch out for the criers and the pouters; give the girls the horns and drums (the little ones not the big ones), while the boys get the toot-toots, the rooty ones, and the tum-tums (rummy are best).



Oh yes - and most important of all! There's no time for play! You're a busy man with a million zillion stockings to fill, and so just you make sure the whole lot are filled by Christmas Day.



Come to think of it - we should be setting these ten tips to music. A song would really make the job a whole lot easier.



(Having had a look on Youtube, I think Bruce Springsteen probably does it best - even though he's missed out half my b****y tips!) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1B64eKD

In Hiroshima, there are permanent shadows caused by the…

In Hiroshima, there are permanent shadows caused by the intensity of the nuclear blast when the bomb was dropped. Sometimes, there were shadows left of people, but no bodies found. This resulted from the extreme heat of the explosion which vaporized the bodies, leaving the shadows behind. The shadows are a unique occurrence from the nuclear explosion and they remain even after many years.

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Gordon Brown Resigns: Here Are His 24 Finest* Pictures *(Funniest)

These Baby Bats Wrapped Up In Tiny Blankets Are Just Too Adorable

Think bats are scary? Be prepared to have you preconceptions shattered. SHATTERED, we tell you!



Because this video by the Australian Bat Clinic is extremely warm and cuddly. Literally.



"When baby bats first enter rehabilitation it can be traumatising for them as they have just been separated from their mothers to which they have formed strong bonds," explains the clinic. "Bat carers have to ensure that the baby bats not only are well fed, but that they are nurtured and feel safe in their temporary new home.



"Providing affection to the bats is a necessity. The teats represent their mother’s nipple, and this makes them feel more comfortable, as does the security of the blankets which they are often snugly wrapped in."



Altogether now: Aww!

SEE ALSO: Adorable Animals Wrapped Up Like Burritos

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zIvdHV

Thousands of lions are being bred on farms to be shot…

Thousands of lions are being bred on farms to be shot by wealthy foreign trophy-hunters.

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Benjamin Guggenheim, heir to mining magnate Meyer Guggenheim, dressed…

Benjamin Guggenheim, heir to mining magnate Meyer Guggenheim, dressed in his finest suit, had a glass of brandy and smoked a cigar as the Titanic sank. “Tell [my wife] I played the game out straight to the end. No woman shall be left aboard this ship because Ben Guggenheim was a coward.”

As [his mistress & aid] reluctantly entered Lifeboat No. 9, Guggenheim spoke to the maid in German, saying, “We will soon see each other again! It’s just a repair. Tomorrow the Titanic will go on again.” Realizing that the situation was much more serious than he had implied, as well as realizing he was not going to be rescued, he then returned to his cabin with [his valet] and the two men changed into evening wear. Rose Amelie Icard wrote in a letter, “The billionaire Benjamin Guggenheim after having helped the rescue of women and children got dressed, a rose at his buttonhole, to die.” The two were seen heading into the Grand staircase closing the door behind them. He was heard to remark, “We’ve dressed up in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen.”

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When Casey Anthony’s computer was investigated by “computer experts…

When Casey Anthony’s computer was investigated by “computer experts”, they found 17 vague searches on Internet Explorer suggesting she killed someone, which wasn’t enough to be found guilty. Later they discovered Casey used Firefox, overlooking 1,200 searches including “fool-proof suffocation”.

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Wrongful convict Shareef Cousin was arrested on the basis…

Wrongful convict Shareef Cousin was arrested on the basis of an anonymous tip to Crime Stoppers. It was later discovered that the officer who arrested him was the one who phoned in the tip and collected the 10K reward.

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Mattel made and sold Wonder Woman’s “invisible jet” as a…

Mattel made and sold Wonder Woman’s “invisible jet” as a collectible. The package was an empty plastic shell with nothing inside, and was originally intended as an April Fool’s joke.

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Two Store Employees At FAO Schwarz Demonstrate How To Play A Giant Floor Piano

Move over, Tom Hanks (and that other guy)! THIS is how you play a giant floor piano.



Yes, if you were impressed by Hanks and Robert Loggia (for that is his name) performing 'Chopsticks' in 'Big' - see below for a reminder - then prepare to have your mind. Blown.



For here are two employees of FAO Schwarz toy shop in New York - where the famous keyboard is situated - performing Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor on said instrument. And their footwork is very fancy indeed...







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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1wcdw5M

Archaeologists have found the remains of what appears to be a family…

Archaeologists have found the remains of what appears to be a family group of 12 Neanderthals in Spain who were killed, butchered, and cannibalized by other humans about 42 000 years ago.

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Scottish Plumber Is Caught On Camera Dancing When He Should Be Working

It's just a hunch, but: we think this fella from Dundee used to be a bit of a raver back in the day.



Click play and you'll see what we mean.



"I'm meant to be fitting radiators!" he says when he's rumbled. But who can blame him for getting swept up in this track? It is, after all, the 1999 dance hit 'Saltwater' by Chicane (feat. Máire Brennan). And it is bangin' (as they used to say back in 1999).

SEE ALSO:

• Flatmate Is Caught Dancing While Cleaning


• 
  


• People Of The Internet Dance To 'Happy'

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rNAoCe

Torn Road Optical Illusion

Are you thinking about taking your car out for a drive today? Unfortunately, we want to point out that sometimes the roads are not as safe as they should be, and that brings us to today’s optical illusion. Take a look at these huge holes in the road, and what do you think that is going to do to a two pairs of tires? The road with holes in it can really do damage to both a car and its tires too, and we think you all should really be careful when you drive. However, do you all know that these holes are not real, but just a clever way to advertise?

Ready for an illusion that may freak you all out to the point where you never eat popcorn again? Check out this popcorn illusion, and you may notice that these pieces of popcorn look like interesting things like skulls. What do you all think of this? Does it make you want to eat popcorn or stay away from it? You all may never want to get near popcorn again after seeing this illusion, and we certainly do not blame you for that. Have a nice and peaceful Sunday, and we will talk to you all again tomorrow.

The post Torn Road Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.

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Torn Road Optical Illusion

Are you thinking about taking your car out for a drive today? Unfortunately, we want to point out that sometimes the roads are not as safe as they should be, and that brings us to today’s optical illusion. Take a look at these huge holes in the road, and what do you think that is going to do to a two pairs of tires? The road with holes in it can really do damage to both a car and its tires too, and we think you all should really be careful when you drive. However, do you all know that these holes are not real, but just a clever way to advertise?

Ready for an illusion that may freak you all out to the point where you never eat popcorn again? Check out this popcorn illusion, and you may notice that these pieces of popcorn look like interesting things like skulls. What do you all think of this? Does it make you want to eat popcorn or stay away from it? You all may never want to get near popcorn again after seeing this illusion, and we certainly do not blame you for that. Have a nice and peaceful Sunday, and we will talk to you all again tomorrow.

The post Torn Road Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.

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Why Do People Vote For Ukip? Russell Howard Has Some Ideas...

In which 'Russell Howard's Good News' takes a look at the motivations of Ukip voters... and, perhaps more frighteningly, the people who fund them. Specifically: one person. Who has views on women. And trousers.





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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1yudUuP

Millions Of Britons Left Spiritually Empty After Buying Crap They Didn't Need On Black Friday

People across Britain have been left feeling confused and spiritually bereft after buying stuff they didn't need because it was cheaper than usual.



This follow-up to Black Friday is known as 'Blue Monday', and it is thought to be the first time that Britons have experienced it.



"I completely failed to observe Thanksgiving on Thursday, because I'm not American," one shopper explained to HuffPost UK Comedy.



"As a result, I just fell into the Black Friday sales without being given any kind of context. I had no idea that material goods would fail to give me the spiritual sustenance I need."



Another shopper told us: "I was truly thankful for everything I had on Thursday. But then on Friday I suddenly realised I really, really needed a 40-inch television.



"I thought it would make me happy. I had no idea there would still be a gaping hole at the core of my being."



Britons are being encouraged to gain a sense of perspective by returning the items they purchased within 28 days, preferably to a charity shop.





No replacement for love: A man buys a bike






An HD television won't keep you warm at night, despite the heat from the screen






It's what the Pilgrims would have wanted: A fight breaks out over something material


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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rLKFEw

Brain Teaser 12/1/2014

You are a cook in a remote area with no clocks or other way of keeping time other than a four minute sandglass timer and a seven minute sandglass timer. (The kind you turn over - hourglass shaped) You do have a stove, however, with water in a pot already boiling. Somebody asks you for a nine-minute egg, and you know this person is a perfectionist and will be able to tell if you undercook or overcook the eggs by even a few seconds. What is the least amount of time it will take to prepare the egg? And how will you prepare it so that it is neither undercooked or overcooked?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The Art Of Optical Illusions

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November's Finest News Bloopers

It's News Be Funny's latest monthly compilation - which kicks off with Martine Croxall’s chair, includes some of the CNN coverage of Ferguson, and ends with a kid completely owning the weather forecast.



(Warning: contains NSFW language, thanks in part to some videobombing eejits and a 'hilarious' new catchphrase.)

SEE ALSO:

• BBC News Presenter Finds Herself In The Wrong Place


• 
  


• Reporters Vs Snow: Winter News Fails


• 
  


• Fox News Presenter Drops The F-Bomb

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vIbc3U

Puppy Wakes Up And Starts Singing Along To 'Let It Go'

We're used to videos of people performing songs from 'Frozen' in their cars. Check out these parents, for example. And these brothers.



But here's a car-based 'Frozen' video with a difference. Starring, as it does, a dog.



Yes, the song 'Let It Go' may have captured children and adults like during 2014 - but it turns out the animal kingdom is not immune to its charms, either.



It's this puppy's favourite song, for example. Watch what happens when his owners change the track playing on the car stereo...

SEE ALSO:

• Little Girl Wakes Up Dancing To Ed Sheeran


• 
  


• This Dog Can REALLY Sing The Blues

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1ytEJPG

The Muppets Perform 'Hip Hop Hooray' By Naughty By Nature, And It's Glorious

To say that we're a fan of Adam Schleichkorn's - aka Mylo The Cat's - videos is something of an understatement. He's already brought us The Muppets singing The Beastie Boys, Pharrell Williams and Miley Cyrus and more (see below).



And in his latest glorious mashup, he's got Kermit, Fozzie Bear and co performing the Naughty By Nature classic 'Hip Hop Hooray'. And as you'll see, the starring roles go to Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear. (Hip hop) hooray!

SEE ALSO:

• Grover Sings Daft Punk


• 
  


• Fozzie Bear Sings Bob Marley


• 
  

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1tu7G9V

Today in History for 1st December 2014

Historical Events

1420 - Henry V of England enters Paris.

1656 - Germany promises Poland aid against Sweden

1936 - EW Brundin and FF Lyon obtain patent on soilless culture of plants

1951 - 17th Heisman Trophy Award: Dick Kazmaier, Princeton (HB)

1953 - WAIM (now WAXA) TV channel 40 in Anderson, SC (IND) 1st broadcast

1984 - France performs nuclear test

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1810 - Joseph Gungl, composer

1910 - Louis Slotin, Winnipeg Manitoba, Canadian Physicist and Chemist (Manhattan Project, Los Alamos) who assembled the plutonium core for 'Trinity', the first detonated atomic device

1943 - Orton Enderlein, German FR, luge (Olympic-gold-1964)

1955 - Mark Thompson, American disc jockey and actor

1961 - Barb Mucha, Parma OH, LPGA golfer (1992 Oldsmobile Classic)

1971 - Tom Robsock, NFL/WLAF guard (Raiders, Barcelona Dragons)

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1923 - Virginie Loveling, Belgian writer and poet (b. 1836)

1928 - José Eustasio Rivera, Colombian writer (b. 1888)

1947 - Aleister Edward S Crowley, British occultist, dies at 72

1984 - Roelof Frankot, Dutch painter (b. 1911)

1986 - Robert L "Bobby" Layne, football player (Detroit Lions), dies at 59

2012 - Galina Vishnevskaya, Russian soprano opera singer, dies at 85

More Famous Deaths »

from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/VlwMM1