Friday 21 November 2014

Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Nov 22, 2014)

One Lump or Many?



The following is a true story.



My friends and I were enjoying the atmosphere (and food) at an authentic English pub in town. We all ordered tea, and the barmaid brought us all our preferred variety. She passed by each of us and asked, "Would you like milk or lemon?" One of my friends simply said "Yes" and quickly poured a bit of milk and squeezed a lemon wedge into his cup. He passed the milk back to the young lady who smiled and said "I'll be right back with another cup for you, sir."



My friend was confused at first, but upon her return he was happy to have a fresh cup. What had happened to necessitate a new cup of tea?





Check Braingle.com for the answer.





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Flower Power

yd2






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European Comedy Tour Journal, Day Ten: Stockholm

I am comedian Kai Humphries. Each autumn I tour throughout the UK with my fellow stand-up and flatmate Daniel Sloss. This year we also roll out the tour to Europe for the first time, visiting 18 major cities over 21 dates. To amuse myself whilst we travel between cities (and whilst Daniel snores) I am keeping a journal of our adventures in the style of a scientific journal where my study subject is Daniel and my role as his support act is merely a disguise to cover up my true objective which is to psycho-analyse his behaviour.



Day: Ten



Date: 5 November 2014



Destination: Stockholm



Subject: Daniel Sloss



Dear Journal,



Today we take a day's respite from performing, but due to a professional obligation to my studies I must remain in a contained proximity to my subject. During our journey from Oslo to Stockholm I have arranged for a bouquet of pansies and a teddy-bear to be delivered to the workplace of my beloved inamorata 'Natalie' who celebrates the completion of her 29th year on this earth today. The doting gesture of adoration is to act as a surprise accompaniment to the gift I had already left behind before embarking on my journey, and additionally aids to pacify any displeasure she may harbour towards my absence. I dare say it also selfishly helps to quell my own guilt at the situation. Regardless, Daniel has informed me that my actions suggest that I am a closeted homosexual.



When you are subject to such intense exposure to another human being, like I have endured in the case of Daniel Sloss, you have to meditate your thoughts to ensure the mild irritation borne from that person's idiosyncrasies doesn't develop into irrational loathing. One such trait occurs when we are walking between two points and I cause a minor delay to our passage by stopping to tie my shoelace or taking a slight detour towards a litter bin. Daniel displays no patience, continuing at the same pace and trajectory without accommodating for my falling behind, leaving me to choose which is least degrading; loping after him like an obedient puppy on his heel or walking five paces behind him like an oppressed wife in a culture governed by religion. However, this display of megalomania is not the mannerism of his that grinds my gears the most, that comes when my subject becomes spitefully obtuse upon being asked a seemingly simple question. I recently inquired as to whether or not the Euro was legal tender in Sweden and Daniel quite needlessly responded with a vindictive snark at the mere suggestion that he should own such knowledge. Considering I asked this question based on my understanding that he has spent several prolonged periods of time in the aforementioned country in recent years, I am worried that if he is not being unnecessarily obtuse on this occasion and actually can't recall from his experience, that he may indeed be inflicted with severe learning difficulties. Maybe he simply isn't exhibiting the same stoic resilience as I to my own idiosyncrasies such as asking questions that don't benefit him in any way to answer, heartlessly forcing him look away from his iPhone for a moment at no personal gain.



Despite the negative observations forged in the metaphoric pressure of our situation I have became increasingly fond of my subject, this makes it very fitting that we are heading to Stockholm, the origin of the name given to the syndrome I have recently acquired.



18:00

In a miraculous quirk of serendipity I discovered through the black art of social media that an old friend of mine from my home town, who goes by the moniker of 'Picket' was a mere 200 yards away from my current location. On happening upon each other Picket and I spent the best part of an hour struck with awe and commenting on our disbelief by using various turns of phrase and visiting several clichés that referenced the odds involved in such an occurrence and how deceptively miniature our planet is, before we finally delved into any conversation of real substance. One thing we did immediately bring to pass was the inclusion of locally brewed ale into our extraordinary circumstances.



23:30

My Subject, Picket and I have been accompanied by several of the vanguard of Swedish comedy, needless to say spirits are soaring as our glasses frequently clink together in cheer as we bask in the merriment of such remarkable company. Daniel seems exceptionally familiar with the Swedish contingent of our group, reminiscing with zeal over previous shenanigans from his earlier visitations, however his recollection of this nostalgia must be a facade in lieu of his stuttering memory which previously rendered him dumbfounded by the suggestion of recalling major details from his stay.



In the competitive nature of Scandinavian countries our Swedish hosts discovered we enjoyed the alcohol and Shuffle-Board in Norway and felt obliged to indulge us in a double measure of both. The prices however are not so competitive as I discovered upon purchasing a steak pie that cost approximately the same as a semi-detached house in Fife.



Daniel has quite deviously dispatched an SMS to my good lady asking her if she received the flowers that he sent. I don't resent his interception of the accreditation from my gesture however, because I witnessed a photograph of the special delivery she had received and what I saw was not a gift I'd be proud to claim responsibility for. The flowers looked more like a fistful of wet nettles than the extravagant display exhibited on the promotional material that inspired my purchase. On top of that, the teddy arrived shrink wrapped as though it had asphyxiated in a torturous sex act during transit.



02:15

With the omission of a gig and the inclusion of some dear chums, the intake of firewater can escalate into a measure capable of reducing you to comatose. I teetered perilously close to this deep state of unconsciousness tonight as my eyelids began to feel as though they were resisting some kind of hypnotic sorcery that was working to knit them together. I have said my goodbyes and stumbled back to my resort. My thoughts are with Picket who must soon catch two flights then drive for three hours to return home whilst in the very same condition as I, when all he had initially planned was a quiet evening after work with a cup of tea and a box set.



Signing off... http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1Atv0Mx

In 2009 a Belgian bodybuilding championship was canceled after…

In 2009 a Belgian bodybuilding championship was canceled after doping officials arrived unannounced and all the competitors fled.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1vw5AvW

Male orangutans can be attracted to women with red hair. One male…

Male orangutans can be attracted to women with red hair. One male, Hsing Hisng, has even ripped pictures of Nicole Kidman out of magazines and placed them in his enclosure.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1FanTZr

Stephen Hawking’s wife was given the option to take him off…

Stephen_Hawking Stephen Hawking’s wife was given the option to take him off of life support after he was placed in a medically induced coma. She refused, and upon recovering he finished writing ‘A Brief History of Time’.






from Crazy Facts http://ift.tt/1qH3isI

Ferret Jump Fail Is The Best Minute You'll Waste Today

We already knew that watching cats miserably failing to jump is one of the best ways to waste a few minutes of the day.



Turns out watching ferrets is possibly even funnier.



Check out this guy - top marks for build-up and effort, zilch for execution though. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1uJiZhi

Why Wearing Pyjamas All Day Is Fine...

2014-11-20-medium_3727944829.jpg

photo credit: Totoro's Expy via photopin cc



Ever gone to your front door to collect a package and had the postman/woman make a pithy comment about the fact you are still in your pyjamas at 3pm? Alternatively, they do the 'look you up and down, then raise their eyebrows' manoeuvre, as if to say "that's an interesting look for the daytime". Why is that? I am in my home, its not like I've popped to the shops in my underwear!



This week I received a package to my flat, it was 1.30pm. It was my dad's Christmas present, I know its November, this is the most organised I have ever been! The previous night I'd been at a comedy gig and hadn't got home until the early hours. I was doing emails and didn't have any meetings until later that afternoon so I hadn't changed out of my pyjamas. The buzzer rang and I let the postman into the building. I was wearing a bit of a skimpy pyjama top so I popped on a jumper, I didn't want to alarm the poor man with too much skin. I answered the door and the delivery man went for the double whammy: he did the look/eyebrow manoeuvre then said:



(please add the sarcastic tone) "Oh, your day off is it?"



To which I replied, "No, I work mostly from home"



He quickly came back with, "Well, its alright for some".



Yes, it is alright for some (without going into the fact that being self-employed is actually quite challenging), it's alright for me Mr. Delivery Man because I proudly wear my pyjamas during the day and here is why:



Pyjamas are comfy



Well they should be, thats why you wear them to bed, to keep you comfy in the land of sleep. So if I have to spend my mornings sending emails, learning lines, chasing invoices and general self-employed life admin I would much rather do it in comfort.



What's the point of dirtying other clothes



When I am ready to leave the house I'll have a shower and put 'outside' clothes on and this will make me feel clean and fresh and ready to face people and the world. Sitting around the house in clean clothes will only crumple them.



You can get on with...stuff



Staying in your pj's means you can wake up, get out of bed and start writing/emailing/calling people straight away. (Top tip: if you have a skype meeting just brush your hair and put a non-pyjama top on and no one will ever know your are still mainly in your pyjamas).



It's up to you



It's your home, your pyjamas, your prerogative. If you want to wear your pyjamas all day go for it, and if you want to wear a banana costume you go for that too! Although I think you should put proper clothes on to go to the shops - I can't see the reasoning behind people wearing pyjamas outside, they generally aren't the warmest and they offer no defence against the elements.



I say as long as you wash and get dressed at some point wear those pj's for as long as you want! And delivery and post people don't judge us!



Samantha Baines is an award-winning actress and comedian. She has problems with

dairy.



Follow her @samanthabaines



Watch her at Gigs and on Youtube



Listen to her on Hoxton Radio



Browse her? http://ift.tt/KAvpVI
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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zJgM7a

Brain Teaser 11/21/2014

The local McDonald's restaurant is giving away Thanksgiving dinners.

To help stimulate business, they are offering :

Big Mac = 32¢

French Fries = 57¢

Quarter Pounder = 74¢

What will a Happy Meal cost?

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Download The Best Crossword Puzzle Games





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Twitter Suggests Alternatives To 'Image From Rochester' After Emily Thornberry Gaffe

After a senior Labour MP was forced to resign from Ed Miliband's shadow cabinet yesterday for posting what she perceived as an "image of Rochester", the internet has helpfully volunteered some alternatives ideas.



Islington South and Finsbury MP Emily Thornberry sparked a furious backlash after posting the picture of the modern terraced house with three red and white Cross of St George flags - one bearing a West Ham United badge - and a white van parked in the drive, along with the message "Image from Rochester".










The tweet was seen by some as sneering at the working class, and provoked a furious response from social media users who branded it "snobbery."



Thornberry apologised for her social media gaffe after being given a dressing-down by Miliband and Labour later announced that she had resigned as shadow attorney general, but not before Twitter enthusiastically responded to the highly divisive political issue in typical sarcastic form:





















































































































In a statement released by the party last night, Thornberry said: "Earlier today I sent a tweet which has caused offence to some people.



"That was never my intention and I have apologised. However I will not let anything distract from Labour's chance to win the coming general election.



Miliband was reported to have "never been so angry" as when he gave close ally Thornberry her dressing down.



The Labour leader has recently faced accusations that his party is out of touch with its traditional working-class support and reflects the views of a liberal metropolitan elite. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1r3XOTk

I just wish you made me go to school…





Photo courtesy of J.B.







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French Bulldog Puppy Is Convinced He's A Diesel Engine

Today in History for 21st November 2014

Historical Events


1696 - J Vanbrughe's "Relapse or Virtue in Danger" premieres in London

1789 - North Carolina ratifies constitution, becomes 12th US state

1952 - Dodgers pitcher Joe Black wins NL Rookie of Year

1955 - Argentina asks Panama for return of ex-president Peron

1990 - Michael Milken is sentenced to 10 years for security law violations

1995 - Dow Jones closes above 5,000 for 1st time


More Historical Events »


Famous Birthdays


1870 - Sigfrid Edström, Swedish sports official (d. 1964)

1912 - Eleanor Powell, Springfield Mass, actress/tap dancer (Bdwy Melody)

1941 - Juliet Mills, London England, actress (Nanny and the Professor, QB VII)

1967 - Toshihiko Koga, Japanese Judoka

1972 - David Tua, Samoan boxer

1981 - Wesley Britt, American football player


More Famous Birthdays »


Famous Deaths


1580 - Willem Van Hoorn, baron of Heze, governor of Brussels, executed

1957 - Francis Burton Harrison, American political figure (b. 1873)

1990 - Dean Hart, Canadian professional wrestler (b. 1954)

1993 - Christopher Frank, director/actor (Annee Des Meduses), dies at 50

1996 - Edward George Edwards, chenist, dies at 82

2001 - Salahuddin of Malaysia, King of Malaysia (b. 1926)


More Famous Deaths »






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