Today's Daily Brain Teaser (Dec 11, 2014)

Times



What's this rebus?



Ptimetimetime

Etimetimetime

Etimetimetime

Ktimetimetime





Check Braingle.com for the answer.

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Scott, Oates and Cherry-Garrard

Overshadowed by the centenary of the outbreak of the First World War this year has been another hundred year anniversary, that of the launch of the Imperial Trans-Antarctic expedition. It was of course a heroic failure, one which ended the heroic age of polar exploration. Two years earlier, Robert Falcon Scott had been narrowly beaten to the Pole itself by Roald Amundsen, the Norwegian, who cheated by using dogs, and not collecting any eggs. This subsequent, doomed, last ditch attempt to salvage some glory for the British Empire was the brainchild of Ernest Shackleton. Ultimately, in salvaging nothing but the lives of his men from the jaws of death, he wrote his name as an immortal on the heart of every properly educated man, woman and child in the country. I had long felt there were not enough stand up comedy routines celebrating his achievement, and I decided to write one. If you would like to hear it, it is the climax to my current live stand up DVD release - http://amzn.to/1t8gPDN



Shackleton was not alone of course - the Antarctic has long held a fascination for a certain kind of British man, usually ill suited to domestic life and the company of women. This despite, or perhaps because of its indifference to their safety. Perhaps even more famous than Shackletons, and certainly a more controversial figure, was Captain Scott.



Scott and his men of course perished probably on 30 March, 1912, pinned down in their tents by a blizzard, having been beaten to the Pole by five weeks. Scott's last diary entry was on 29 March 1912. According to Wikipedia, 'The positions of the bodies in the tent when it was discovered eight months later suggested that Scott was the last of the three to die", a phrase which provokes unnecessarily vulgar speculation, if you ask me, but there can't have been much in it. The remains of Captain Oates were never found, though given the state he was in when he went "outside", it is not hard to imagine the others having to delicately step over him when striking camp the following morning. However, no such indignity is recorded, thankfully.



Oates, of course, famously fearing he was slowing the party down, had famously excused himself some days earlier with what became the most famous formulation of British stiff-upper-lip sentiment ever uttered.



Among those in the Terra Nova party was Apsley Cherry-Garrard, who wrote perhaps the definitive account of polar misery in The Worst Journey in the World. Notice the lack of an " - Ever!" at the end of that title. There is also a remarkable absence throughout the book of the popular acronym "FFS!" despite many obvious opportunities for its deployment.



The title refers to the leg of the expedition which Apsley and two others made in July 2011, to collect Emperor Penguin eggs. July in Antarctica is even worse than it is in the UK. The journey took place in perpetual darkness, with temperatures ranging from -40ºC to -60ºC. The eggs were expected to be of scientific interest, as the Emperor was believed to be the most evolutionarily primitive of extant birds. Cherry-Garrard, virtually blind even in daylight without his glasses, shattered most of his teeth with chattering - the involuntary, cold-induced kind, not the Islington dinner party kind. On one occasion their tent was ripped away by a blizzard, leaving them singing hymns in their sleeping bags to keep up morale while the storm raged around them.



This sort of thing was once understood to be part of what it meant to be British. It was the mainstay of sermons, pep-talks, school speech days and even British humour, from The Goon Show, to Carry On Up the Khyber to Monty Python and beyond. It is perhaps harder for today's young people to identify with, which is why more of their stuff refers to over-indulging on stag weekends in Amsterdam.



Admittedly, having recently declined, on the grounds of self-preservation, to climb 20ft up a ladder in order to get hold of an egg (a ceaselessly squawking Herring Gull had laid one outside my son's bedroom window and the authorities were powerless to intervene, the egg of the Herring Gull being "protected", a level of bureaucratic interference with the laws of nature that was at least something that Scott's men didn't have to overcome) I suppose that I cannot claim to be directly of Cherry-Garrard's moral lineage, either.



Last winter, indoors, in temperatures rapidly falling towards single figures of centigrade, I had to clamber into the loft and re-start a faulty boiler, two or three times a night for nearly a week. On one occasion, I barked my shin in the dark, and completely lost it. The details are sketchy now - I did not keep a diary - but I'm afraid to say I used language stronger than any which seems to have occurred to Apsley Cherry-Garrard as being appropriate.



Still, I look to his example when I can. Two years ago last Christmas I set off from my parents home in Norwich with our two year old son in the back of our Toyota RAV4. Snow and ice on the roads slowed our progress, and the journey to my in-laws in Tunbridge Wells took 12 hours. The heater held up, we did not run out of fuel, and in fairness, although I have had occasion to refer to my wife's mother unkindly before now, "World's Most Primitive Bird" would still be a bit strong. But still, the parallels were there and the Stoicism that is my birthright, thanks to men like Scott, Oates and Cherry-Garrard, made all the difference. Though what would have happened if the nipper hadn't slept through it is another matter.



Simon Evans - Live At The Theatre Royal is available now on DVD and Digital Download, released by Universal Pictures (UK). http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



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Type R

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A man who attempted to commit suicide changed his mind at the last minute resulting…

A man who attempted to commit suicide changed his mind at the last minute resulting in a chain reaction train wreck killing 11. He was later sentenced to 11 consecutive life sentences.

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Preventing an abort of the Apollo 11 mission has been attributed to the work….

Preventing an abort of the Apollo 11 mission has been attributed to the work of Margaret Hamilton, the lead flight software designer for Project Apollo. She was 31 when the lunar module landed on the moon, running her code, and is credited for coining the term “software engineering.”

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If the Hoover Dam’s 3.25 million cubic yards of concrete was….

If the Hoover Dam’s 3.25 million cubic yards of concrete was poured all at once, it would have taken 125 years to cool.

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Hate Christmas? And People? Rachel Parris's Festive Song Is For You

If you have an aversion to Christmas trees, snow and eggnog, then rest assured: you're not alone.



Rachel Parris shares your pain.



As she so beautifully explains through the power of song, in her new festive music video 'A Tiny Bit Less'.

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After being ordered by court to pay $3.6M in fines, Peter…

After being ordered by court to pay $3.6M in fines, Peter Sunde Kolmisoppi (The Pirate Bay Co-Founder) wrote them an ‘IOU’.

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A RAF pilot accidentally took off with a woman sitting on the tail of the aircraft…

A RAF pilot accidentally took off with a woman sitting on the tail of the aircraft. After a brief flight, the aircraft, pilot and “passenger’ landed safely.

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In 2008 in New Jersey, more than 30 officers, including SWAT team members, were engaged…

In 2008 in New Jersey, more than 30 officers, including SWAT team members, were engaged in a standoff with a non-responsive supposed bank robber for over an hour before realizing ‘she’ was a cardboard cut-out.

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A man was sentenced to 20 hours of Beethoven after being caught for playing….

A man was sentenced to 20 hours of Beethoven after being caught for playing rap music too loud, as an alternative to a full fine. He only lasted 15 minutes before leaving.

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When workers were renovating Ireland’s Leap Castle, they found so many human…

When workers were renovating Ireland’s Leap Castle, they found so many human remains impaled on wooden spikes within a wall, it took three cartloads to remove them.

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The 14 Greatest Cat Videos Of 2014

Christmas Cards - Is It Time to Stamp Them Out?

Vladimir isn't on Barack's. He isn't on Petro's either.



Piers isn't on Jeremy's. What still?



Nigel isn't on David's. But then it's hard to imagine the Ukip leader being on anyone's.



Madonna isn't on Gwyneth's. Although that might have changed since yesterday as you know how capricious these celebrities are.



Louis isn't on Cheryl's.



Lewis isn't on Nico's.



Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fa-Thud!



"Heavens above! What was that?"



Don't worry, it's nothing to be overly concerned about. No need to call the emergency services. An ambulance won't be necessary. Nor will hospitalisation. Or counselling. Actually, psychiatric support might be required. After all, it can be pretty traumatic falling (or were they pushed?) off Simon Cowell's Christmas card list. For her sake, let's hope it wasn't Sinitta.



Realising that you've been ignored by those you wrongly assumed were closest to you is never easy, particularly at this time of the year.



Ending up hurt and humiliated, your ego bruised and battered, you inevitably find yourself wondering what you've done to upset the person in question. "Elton, was it something I said?"



The trouble is that we all tend to think we're a little more well-liked than we are. Therefore, the receiving of a Hallmark offering is often the only validation we have of our self-perceived popularity.



This goes all the way back to junior school and the dreaded Christmas post box. Ah yes, the cruel and devastating blow when morning after morning we weren't handed a single card while everyone else in the class seemed to be getting enough of the damn things to paper the Great Wall of China with.



This disappointment remains throughout childhood, extends into adulthood and continues for the rest of our lives, up to and including the day in late December when you're suddenly out of favour with those amazing friends you met on holiday for two days in 1993.



You try not to take it too personally. Hmmm, fat chance of that happening. Yet you can't help yourself. Take last year, for example. There's no denying that you sent them a good one, not an uninspiring Victorian snow scene out of the supermarket basics pack, but a hand-printed robin from the luxury John Lewis recycled range, no less



And what did you get in return? Nothing, that's what. Not even one of those pathetic tiny ones that are hardly bigger than a gift tag. Obviously, if you had got such a miserly card, you'd still have put it in pride of place next to the one from the Palace (the Tandoori Palace, presumably) since, well, that's the sort of person you are - full of bonhomie and goodwill to all.



This year, however, Machiavellian thoughts of revenge immediately run through your mind. How can you possibly get your own back, short of murder, torture, kidnap, extortion and sending them an eCard? Come on, you wouldn't go that far, would you? Not a digital greeting, surely? There are some limits no human being should stoop to and one of those is definitely an internet based flashing Santa who unexpectedly drops his trousers when he pops up in their inbox.



Of course, someone's apparent seasonal neglect of you could be down to a variety of reasons.



Have you ever considered that they might have died?



Alternatively, suppose they converted to a religion for which Christmas doesn't exist? It would be totally hypocritical of them celebrating such a Christian festival when they no longer believe in it.



Maybe they simply lost your address? Yeah and maybe reindeers can fly. You mean they can't?



Far more likely though is that they simply don't have the spare money to afford the postage.



100 cards delivered 1st class costs £62. While 2nd class will set them back £53.



It's a little known fact and an even less frequently advertised one that specially for the festive period, the Post Office also do 3rd and 4th class with the former costing a very reasonable 36 pence and the latter a considerably cheaper 28 pence.



There's only two small problems. Firstly, the last posting dates for 3rd and 4th class were July 10 and May 26 respectively, so, alas, you've already missed them. Secondly, and this is possibly more of an issue, they're both a complete fabrication. Neither of them exist. Sorry!



The tradition of giving and receiving cards is over 170 years old and I for one reckon that enough is enough.



This isn't because I'm absent from practically everyone's Christmas card list (although I am) but because they're a display of false sentiment which are routinely sent out of a sense of duty and misplaced loyalty.



We write them without thinking - little more than the word 'love' and an illegible scrawl that's barely identifiable as our signature.



Despite not knowing or particularly caring who on earth it's from, those tearing open the envelope exclaim: "Oh, how thoughtful" before chucking it on a pile along with the rest of those recently arrived through the front door.



What about this for a novel change? Tot up all the cash you'd ordinarily have spent on cards and stamps, then give it to charity. Doesn't matter which charity as long as it's a cause you feel passionate about and is close to your heart.



Now that really would be thoughtful. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J



from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/paul-marshall/christmas-cards-is-it-time_b_6295462.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy

Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion

Happy Hump Day everyone! Yes, today is Wednesday, and that means that the week is finally reached the halfway point. Some weeks go faster than others it seems, and around the holidays, it seems like time is just slipping by fast! The weather is getting cold, and for those of you with snow, I bet you are wishing it was summer again. Speaking of summer, today’s optical illusion is all about relaxing in a beautiful pool, but is it a real pool or a very clever drawing created by a talented artist. What do you all think of it? How real does it look? The man who is about to climb into the pool looks like he is having a blast, and who could blame him because look at the lovely woman in the pool too!

Ready for another cool optical illusion? Check out the lovely Statue of Liberty that is made of people! How cool is this that so many people were able to come together to create a very realistic looking image of the world’s most famous statue. Well, today is Wednesday, and we know you all are working hard, but hang on because the week is half over now, and soon it’ll be the weekend. Have a good Wednesday.

The post Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.

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Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion

Happy Hump Day everyone! Yes, today is Wednesday, and that means that the week is finally reached the halfway point. Some weeks go faster than others it seems, and around the holidays, it seems like time is just slipping by fast! The weather is getting cold, and for those of you with snow, I bet you are wishing it was summer again. Speaking of summer, today’s optical illusion is all about relaxing in a beautiful pool, but is it a real pool or a very clever drawing created by a talented artist. What do you all think of it? How real does it look? The man who is about to climb into the pool looks like he is having a blast, and who could blame him because look at the lovely woman in the pool too!

Ready for another cool optical illusion? Check out the lovely Statue of Liberty that is made of people! How cool is this that so many people were able to come together to create a very realistic looking image of the world’s most famous statue. Well, today is Wednesday, and we know you all are working hard, but hang on because the week is half over now, and soon it’ll be the weekend. Have a good Wednesday.

The post Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.

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The 'Christmas Jammies' Holderness Family Are Back... With An R.E.M.-Themed End Of Year Video

Last year, the Holderness family's Christmas music video - 'Christmas Jammies' - turned them into online superstars.



So how do you top that?



By reworking of R.E.M's 'It's The End Of The World As We Know It', it would appear. Oh, and creating your own hashtag ('#JAMMIETIME').



Yes, folks: sit back, put your British cynicism aside - and enjoy 'It's The End Of The Year And We Love It'.

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1z6eyPw

Barack Obama Gatecrashes 'The Colbert Report', Brilliantly Delivers A Special Edition Of 'The Word'

With the final episode of 'The Colbert Report' due to air on December 18 - Stephen Colbert is off to take over from David Letterman, of course - it seems only right that the big guns are appearing during the show's final weeks.



And they don't get much bigger than the leader of the free world - who made a memorable appearance on the show on Monday night, deadpanning his way through the regular segment 'The Word' (although he changed it to 'The Decree').



"Nation: as you know, I, Stephen Colbert, have never cared for our president," reads Obama from the autocue.



"The guy is so arrogant I bet he talks about himself in the third person."



And so it continues - chiefly about Obamacare - in very amusing fashion.



As Colbert himself would put it: a tip of the hat to you, Mr President.



Check out more of Obama on Monday's 'The Colbert Report':

SEE ALSO: Stephen Colbert Says Goodbye To 'The Daily Show'

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vDWt6q

Parks And Rexcreation: Chris Pratt Stars In The 'Parks And Recreation' And 'Jurassic World' Mash-Up That Had To Be Made

What do you get when you mash-up the scary 'Jurassic World' trailer with the slightly less scary 'Smallest Park' episode of 'Parks And Recreation'?



Why, 'Parks And Rexcreation', of course!



Indiana was never so terrifying. Thank goodness Burt Macklin is there to save the day.



(Video by HuffPost UK Comedy and Handface)

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zOwb5V

Brain Teaser 12/10/2014

1. Four people can sit at a table in twenty-four different arrangements. How many arrangements are possible for seating eight people?



2. Soon little Freddie will celebrate his tenth birthday. In 11 years Freddie will reach half the average age of his parents. His mother is only 17 years older than her son. How old are Freddie's father and mother.



3. Unscramble the following letters to form a word.

R E I A E T N S R A S B

Solution

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Kindle eBooks - The Best In Great Reads!

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'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' Performed In A Minor Key Makes It Sound Very Ominous

Now, don't get us wrong. 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' is already a rather sad song. Featuring, as it does, lines such as "Next year all our troubles will be out of sight" and "Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow".



But in the hands of Chase Holfeder - who has previously transposed songs like 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' and 'Every Breath You Take' from major to minor - it becomes downright scary.



Yes, even scarier than the music box monkeys Judy Garland winds up in 'Meet Me In Saint Louis'...

SEE ALSO: 20 Sad, Bad Or Downright Anti-Christmas Songs

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/165EEsg

Cat Plays Whack-A-Finger, World Giggles

It's hard to tell who's more amused by this inventive variation of whack-a-mole: the cat, or us.



(Note to self: must get a cardboard box and cut holes in it. Also, must get a cat.)



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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1Iz8ggw

People Vs The Outdoors – An Epic Compilation Of Nature And Camping Fails

Farmer Serenades Cows By Playing 'Jingle Bells' On The Trombone

Remember the guy in who played Lorde’s 'Royals'? On the trombone? For his herd of cows? In Kansas?



Well, he’s back – with a Christmas present for his herd.



Take it away, Farmer Derek Klingenberg!

SEE ALSO: Farmer Plays 'Royals' For Herd Of Cows

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from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1Iz4Bzq

Today in History for 10th December 2014

Historical Events

1688 - King James II flees London

1799 - Metric system adopted in France, first country to do so

1898 - The first western pilgrims were welcomed at The House of `Abdu'lláh Páshá

1961 - US performs nuclear test at Carlsbad New Mexico (underground)

1966 - Nobel for chemistry awarded to Robert S Mulliken

1992 - Orlanda Magic scores 14 3-pointers (2 shy of record)

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1822 - Thomas Casimer Devin, Bvt Mjr Gen (Union volunteers), died in 1878

1908 - Olivier Messiaen, Avignon France, composer (L'Ame en Bourgeon)

1917 - Sultan Yahya Petra, King of Malaysia (d. 1979)

1941 - Peter Michael Goetz, actor (Jumping Jack Flash, King Kong Lives)

1954 - Jack Hues, English musician

1980 - Massari, Lebanese-born Canadian singer

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1749 - Gabrielle Chôtelet, [La belle Emilie], writer (Voltaire), dies at 42

1865 - King Léopold I of Belgium (b. 1790)

1936 - Luigi Pirandello, Italian writer (Enrico IV, Nobel 1934), dies at 69

1969 - Leigh Harline, composer, dies at 62

1969 - Franco Capuana, composer, dies at 75

1974 - Paul Richards, actor (Dr Thompson-Breaking Point), dies at 50

More Famous Deaths »

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