Wednesday, 10 December 2014
Christmas Cards - Is It Time to Stamp Them Out?
Piers isn't on Jeremy's. What still?
Nigel isn't on David's. But then it's hard to imagine the Ukip leader being on anyone's.
Madonna isn't on Gwyneth's. Although that might have changed since yesterday as you know how capricious these celebrities are.
Louis isn't on Cheryl's.
Lewis isn't on Nico's.
Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fa-Thud!
"Heavens above! What was that?"
Don't worry, it's nothing to be overly concerned about. No need to call the emergency services. An ambulance won't be necessary. Nor will hospitalisation. Or counselling. Actually, psychiatric support might be required. After all, it can be pretty traumatic falling (or were they pushed?) off Simon Cowell's Christmas card list. For her sake, let's hope it wasn't Sinitta.
Realising that you've been ignored by those you wrongly assumed were closest to you is never easy, particularly at this time of the year.
Ending up hurt and humiliated, your ego bruised and battered, you inevitably find yourself wondering what you've done to upset the person in question. "Elton, was it something I said?"
The trouble is that we all tend to think we're a little more well-liked than we are. Therefore, the receiving of a Hallmark offering is often the only validation we have of our self-perceived popularity.
This goes all the way back to junior school and the dreaded Christmas post box. Ah yes, the cruel and devastating blow when morning after morning we weren't handed a single card while everyone else in the class seemed to be getting enough of the damn things to paper the Great Wall of China with.
This disappointment remains throughout childhood, extends into adulthood and continues for the rest of our lives, up to and including the day in late December when you're suddenly out of favour with those amazing friends you met on holiday for two days in 1993.
You try not to take it too personally. Hmmm, fat chance of that happening. Yet you can't help yourself. Take last year, for example. There's no denying that you sent them a good one, not an uninspiring Victorian snow scene out of the supermarket basics pack, but a hand-printed robin from the luxury John Lewis recycled range, no less
And what did you get in return? Nothing, that's what. Not even one of those pathetic tiny ones that are hardly bigger than a gift tag. Obviously, if you had got such a miserly card, you'd still have put it in pride of place next to the one from the Palace (the Tandoori Palace, presumably) since, well, that's the sort of person you are - full of bonhomie and goodwill to all.
This year, however, Machiavellian thoughts of revenge immediately run through your mind. How can you possibly get your own back, short of murder, torture, kidnap, extortion and sending them an eCard? Come on, you wouldn't go that far, would you? Not a digital greeting, surely? There are some limits no human being should stoop to and one of those is definitely an internet based flashing Santa who unexpectedly drops his trousers when he pops up in their inbox.
Of course, someone's apparent seasonal neglect of you could be down to a variety of reasons.
Have you ever considered that they might have died?
Alternatively, suppose they converted to a religion for which Christmas doesn't exist? It would be totally hypocritical of them celebrating such a Christian festival when they no longer believe in it.
Maybe they simply lost your address? Yeah and maybe reindeers can fly. You mean they can't?
Far more likely though is that they simply don't have the spare money to afford the postage.
100 cards delivered 1st class costs £62. While 2nd class will set them back £53.
It's a little known fact and an even less frequently advertised one that specially for the festive period, the Post Office also do 3rd and 4th class with the former costing a very reasonable 36 pence and the latter a considerably cheaper 28 pence.
There's only two small problems. Firstly, the last posting dates for 3rd and 4th class were July 10 and May 26 respectively, so, alas, you've already missed them. Secondly, and this is possibly more of an issue, they're both a complete fabrication. Neither of them exist. Sorry!
The tradition of giving and receiving cards is over 170 years old and I for one reckon that enough is enough.
This isn't because I'm absent from practically everyone's Christmas card list (although I am) but because they're a display of false sentiment which are routinely sent out of a sense of duty and misplaced loyalty.
We write them without thinking - little more than the word 'love' and an illegible scrawl that's barely identifiable as our signature.
Despite not knowing or particularly caring who on earth it's from, those tearing open the envelope exclaim: "Oh, how thoughtful" before chucking it on a pile along with the rest of those recently arrived through the front door.
What about this for a novel change? Tot up all the cash you'd ordinarily have spent on cards and stamps, then give it to charity. Doesn't matter which charity as long as it's a cause you feel passionate about and is close to your heart.
Now that really would be thoughtful. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/paul-marshall/christmas-cards-is-it-time_b_6295462.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-comedy&ir=UK+Comedy
Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion
Happy Hump Day everyone! Yes, today is Wednesday, and that means that the week is finally reached the halfway point. Some weeks go faster than others it seems, and around the holidays, it seems like time is just slipping by fast! The weather is getting cold, and for those of you with snow, I bet you are wishing it was summer again. Speaking of summer, today’s optical illusion is all about relaxing in a beautiful pool, but is it a real pool or a very clever drawing created by a talented artist. What do you all think of it? How real does it look? The man who is about to climb into the pool looks like he is having a blast, and who could blame him because look at the lovely woman in the pool too!
Ready for another cool optical illusion? Check out the lovely Statue of Liberty that is made of people! How cool is this that so many people were able to come together to create a very realistic looking image of the world’s most famous statue. Well, today is Wednesday, and we know you all are working hard, but hang on because the week is half over now, and soon it’ll be the weekend. Have a good Wednesday.
The post Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.
from Mighty Optical Illusions http://ift.tt/1zvO3UE
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion
Happy Hump Day everyone! Yes, today is Wednesday, and that means that the week is finally reached the halfway point. Some weeks go faster than others it seems, and around the holidays, it seems like time is just slipping by fast! The weather is getting cold, and for those of you with snow, I bet you are wishing it was summer again. Speaking of summer, today’s optical illusion is all about relaxing in a beautiful pool, but is it a real pool or a very clever drawing created by a talented artist. What do you all think of it? How real does it look? The man who is about to climb into the pool looks like he is having a blast, and who could blame him because look at the lovely woman in the pool too!
Ready for another cool optical illusion? Check out the lovely Statue of Liberty that is made of people! How cool is this that so many people were able to come together to create a very realistic looking image of the world’s most famous statue. Well, today is Wednesday, and we know you all are working hard, but hang on because the week is half over now, and soon it’ll be the weekend. Have a good Wednesday.
The post Swimming Pool Chalk Drawing Optical Illusion appeared first on Mighty Optical Illusions.
from Mighty Optical Illusions http://ift.tt/1zvO3UE
via IFTTT
The 'Christmas Jammies' Holderness Family Are Back... With An R.E.M.-Themed End Of Year Video
So how do you top that?
By reworking of R.E.M's 'It's The End Of The World As We Know It', it would appear. Oh, and creating your own hashtag ('#JAMMIETIME').
Yes, folks: sit back, put your British cynicism aside - and enjoy 'It's The End Of The Year And We Love It'.
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1z6eyPw
Barack Obama Gatecrashes 'The Colbert Report', Brilliantly Delivers A Special Edition Of 'The Word'
And they don't get much bigger than the leader of the free world - who made a memorable appearance on the show on Monday night, deadpanning his way through the regular segment 'The Word' (although he changed it to 'The Decree').
"Nation: as you know, I, Stephen Colbert, have never cared for our president," reads Obama from the autocue.
"The guy is so arrogant I bet he talks about himself in the third person."
And so it continues - chiefly about Obamacare - in very amusing fashion.
As Colbert himself would put it: a tip of the hat to you, Mr President.
Check out more of Obama on Monday's 'The Colbert Report':
SEE ALSO: Stephen Colbert Says Goodbye To 'The Daily Show'
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vDWt6q
Parks And Rexcreation: Chris Pratt Stars In The 'Parks And Recreation' And 'Jurassic World' Mash-Up That Had To Be Made
Why, 'Parks And Rexcreation', of course!
Indiana was never so terrifying. Thank goodness Burt Macklin is there to save the day.
(Video by HuffPost UK Comedy and Handface)
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1zOwb5V