Because ‘Vagina’ wouldn’t fit on the shirt.
Photo courtesy of Stephen A. Howard.
from Engrish.com http://ift.tt/1xpcBPx
Friday, 26 September 2014
This Video Proves That Benedict Cumberbatch Can't Say The Word 'Penguins'
We love Benedict Cumberbatch.
He's a marvellous actor. He looks a bit like an otter.
But can he say the word 'penguins'?
On the evidence of these clips from the wildlife documentary 'South Pacific' - which he narrated - it appears not.
(Via Tastefully Offensive) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1n8svug
He's a marvellous actor. He looks a bit like an otter.
But can he say the word 'penguins'?
On the evidence of these clips from the wildlife documentary 'South Pacific' - which he narrated - it appears not.
(Via Tastefully Offensive) http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1n8svug
Girl Has A Dance-Off... With Her Horse
They call her: Dances With Horses.
Possibly.
Either way, this video of a lass throwing some shapes with her horse is completely brilliant - although the tune 'All About That Bass' is surely more suitable for a dance-off with a fish?
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rjTgwC
Possibly.
Either way, this video of a lass throwing some shapes with her horse is completely brilliant - although the tune 'All About That Bass' is surely more suitable for a dance-off with a fish?
SEE ALSO: Sticking Gloves On A Horse's Ears Is Simple But Hilarious
http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1rjTgwC
Brain Teaser 9/26/2014
A man wanted to get into a members only club so he hid and watched the guard at the door of the club house. The guard said a number to each member as they approached, and the member would respond with a number of their own. If the member responded with the correct number they were let in. If they responded incorrectly they were thrown out. One member came up to the door, the guard said twelve, and the member responded with six and was let in. Another member came to the door, the guard said six and the member responded with three and was let in. Believing he had heard enough, the reject went up to the guard. The guard said ten, and the reject said five, but was not let in. What should the reject have said?
Solution
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The Best In Logic Puzzles
from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1v86sol
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Solution
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The Best In Logic Puzzles
from A Daily Brain Teaser http://ift.tt/1v86sol
3d wooden brain teasers from craftypuzzles.com
Today in History for 26th September 2014
Historical Events
1898 - Victor Herbert/Harry Smith's musical premieres in NYC
1904 - Charles Kleins "Music Master" premieres in NYC
1950 - UN troops in Korean War recapture South Korean capital of Seoul
1952 - Yanks clinch 4th straight and 19th AL pennant, beating A's 5-2
1993 - Seattle's Randy Johnson joins 300-strikeout club
1993 - 30th Ryder Cup: US beats Europe, 15-13 at The Belfry, England
Famous Birthdays
1888 - T. S. Eliot, St Louis Missouri, poet/dramatist/critic (Waste Land-Nobel 1948), (d. 1965)
1938 - Andrei Lukanov, politician
1949 - Minette Walters, English novelist
1970 - Trevor Ruffin, NBA guard (Phila 76ers)
1971 - Patterson Thompson, cricketer (WI Test fast bowler v New Zealand 1996)
1982 - Miguel Alfredo Portillo, Argentine footballer
Famous Deaths
1342 - John I, ruler of Poland, dies
1877 - Hermann Grassmann, German mathematician and physicist (b. 1809)
1944 - Julien Cahn, cricketer (private cricket promoter during 30's), dies
1991 - Billy Vaughn, American bandleader (b. 1919)
1996 - Mark Frankel, actor (Leon the Pig Farmer), dies on motorcycle at 34
2012 - Johnny Lewis, American actor, dies from injuries from a fall at 28
from Today in History | HistoryOrb.com http://ift.tt/Szc6hF
Why Is Getting Measured Up for a Bra So Hard?
She's standing there, young, beautiful... just ask her. There's nothing wrong in asking, this is the place people come for such things. So, why are you nervous? You take a deep breath, she looks up and smiles, which should make it easier, but you croak a little as you say "I was just wondering if you...erm...do ... bra measuring?".
There's a pause and she slowly replies "No. We don't offer that service here", looking about as if she's locating the switch to open that hole in the ground beneath you. You've not said anything wrong, you're surrounded by beautiful little lingerie that you could have had a future with... so why do you feel... deviant?
WHY is getting measured for a bra so HARD? Hardly any shops offer it, and often lingerie shops are staffed with women whose breasts haven't moved a millimetre since they sent in their final note excusing them from PE. I'm at a stage where I need my boobs measured EVERY TIME - 43, on my second bout of extended breastfeeding after a six-year gap, with baps that go up a cup and back again one week every month - I don't so much have a bra "size" as an approximate range of co-ordinates. It would be easier to land a jump jet in my cleavage than guess if that bundle of lace will support dear Charlie and Lola. (These were the names my daughter gave to my bosom, which is awkward when I ask in public if my baby wants some Charlie).
ALL shops which sell these pieces of engineering need a qualified fitter. I don't mean a Saturday girl who thinks "tape measures" are the amount of alcohol you drink before allowing yourself to be videoed. Nothing against them, I just feel cruel showing a girl whose gorgeous boobs stick before her with a verve for the future, a bosom with a rather longer CV. I want to be measured by a woman in her 80s, whose breasts have lived the equivalent of a Ray Mears survival challenge. Who can handle a tape measure like a lasso, because she can make a dress out of a curtain and a doily. I can't even make a dress out of a dress.
Or measured by someone who adores the female form in all its lopsided glory, knowing we don't all look like a Rubens or a Botticelli, but some a Dali (which reminds me, I must buy some ant killer...). Someone who knows how to make all of us look our best. Station Gok Wan in every department store in Britain! You may think he'd be too busy, but seeing he's playing out his career advertising yoghurt that clears your bowels, I think he'd be thrilled.
And can we have bras that care for our soft pals? Walk into any underwear section and you're faced with wired, angry, solid armour- rows of them, coming towards you like a terracotta army, you feel like fleeing to the sock department screaming "They're alive! They're aliiiiiive!".
Who decided that breasts needed to be caged? Were breasts roaming free, savaging passing babies, until cornered by a torch carrying mob chanting "Muzzle it!"? My boobies are my friends, and you don't keep friends wired up in cages, unless you're Clarice Starling.
How did we get here? The softest part of your body, in need of the most protection which docs advise must not receive any trauma - "yeah, stick a wire round it, some thin, sharp metal, hang on, have this one, I'll just take my kebab off it..." What was rejected? Broken glass? Spare carpentry vices?
Maybe we need only women to make bras? Sorry to be sexist, I mean, I do know many men have breasts, but they seem to get all their support through consistent beer use.
The only time men have their undies wired up and solid is when someone's going to swing a cricket bat at them. My Bristols don't face daily attack from planks of wood, there are no flying picket fences, we are not having a hurricane, and if we were, the only clothing I want to prepare for it is a pair of red glittery shoes.
I can have people falling at my feet without wire in my bra thank you, especially if I take it out and stretch it across doorways. And if you can't bear the thought of losing your pre-shaped, solid cups, why not offer your vest to two hibernating tortoises this winter? It will look the same and you'll no longer waste the lettuce you pick out of your burger.
Of course I need some construction, a flood barrier to stop all my flesh pooling in my midriff. I've tried "soft bras" and had more support from the napkin tucked in my neck. The choice is a meccano set, or a delicate wisp of nothing... "Here's Madeleine with your soft bra, can you stand completely still whilst she blows the smoke rings at you?"
Fulfil my list of demands ASAP please. I'm a busy woman, I have less time than a Snapchat, and I really, really need a bra!
As many Snapchat users will testify. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1Bf8nHV
There's a pause and she slowly replies "No. We don't offer that service here", looking about as if she's locating the switch to open that hole in the ground beneath you. You've not said anything wrong, you're surrounded by beautiful little lingerie that you could have had a future with... so why do you feel... deviant?
WHY is getting measured for a bra so HARD? Hardly any shops offer it, and often lingerie shops are staffed with women whose breasts haven't moved a millimetre since they sent in their final note excusing them from PE. I'm at a stage where I need my boobs measured EVERY TIME - 43, on my second bout of extended breastfeeding after a six-year gap, with baps that go up a cup and back again one week every month - I don't so much have a bra "size" as an approximate range of co-ordinates. It would be easier to land a jump jet in my cleavage than guess if that bundle of lace will support dear Charlie and Lola. (These were the names my daughter gave to my bosom, which is awkward when I ask in public if my baby wants some Charlie).
ALL shops which sell these pieces of engineering need a qualified fitter. I don't mean a Saturday girl who thinks "tape measures" are the amount of alcohol you drink before allowing yourself to be videoed. Nothing against them, I just feel cruel showing a girl whose gorgeous boobs stick before her with a verve for the future, a bosom with a rather longer CV. I want to be measured by a woman in her 80s, whose breasts have lived the equivalent of a Ray Mears survival challenge. Who can handle a tape measure like a lasso, because she can make a dress out of a curtain and a doily. I can't even make a dress out of a dress.
Or measured by someone who adores the female form in all its lopsided glory, knowing we don't all look like a Rubens or a Botticelli, but some a Dali (which reminds me, I must buy some ant killer...). Someone who knows how to make all of us look our best. Station Gok Wan in every department store in Britain! You may think he'd be too busy, but seeing he's playing out his career advertising yoghurt that clears your bowels, I think he'd be thrilled.
And can we have bras that care for our soft pals? Walk into any underwear section and you're faced with wired, angry, solid armour- rows of them, coming towards you like a terracotta army, you feel like fleeing to the sock department screaming "They're alive! They're aliiiiiive!".
Who decided that breasts needed to be caged? Were breasts roaming free, savaging passing babies, until cornered by a torch carrying mob chanting "Muzzle it!"? My boobies are my friends, and you don't keep friends wired up in cages, unless you're Clarice Starling.
How did we get here? The softest part of your body, in need of the most protection which docs advise must not receive any trauma - "yeah, stick a wire round it, some thin, sharp metal, hang on, have this one, I'll just take my kebab off it..." What was rejected? Broken glass? Spare carpentry vices?
Maybe we need only women to make bras? Sorry to be sexist, I mean, I do know many men have breasts, but they seem to get all their support through consistent beer use.
The only time men have their undies wired up and solid is when someone's going to swing a cricket bat at them. My Bristols don't face daily attack from planks of wood, there are no flying picket fences, we are not having a hurricane, and if we were, the only clothing I want to prepare for it is a pair of red glittery shoes.
I can have people falling at my feet without wire in my bra thank you, especially if I take it out and stretch it across doorways. And if you can't bear the thought of losing your pre-shaped, solid cups, why not offer your vest to two hibernating tortoises this winter? It will look the same and you'll no longer waste the lettuce you pick out of your burger.
Of course I need some construction, a flood barrier to stop all my flesh pooling in my midriff. I've tried "soft bras" and had more support from the napkin tucked in my neck. The choice is a meccano set, or a delicate wisp of nothing... "Here's Madeleine with your soft bra, can you stand completely still whilst she blows the smoke rings at you?"
Fulfil my list of demands ASAP please. I'm a busy woman, I have less time than a Snapchat, and I really, really need a bra!
As many Snapchat users will testify. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1Bf8nHV
This is What Happens When Volvo Sends One of Their Trucks to a Casino
So it's your first night on the job as a valet at the swanky San Remo casino on the Italian Riviera.
You've changed into your crisp white jacket, polished your shiny gold buttons and are looking forward to a night of parking ridiculously expensive sports cars on behalf of the casino's wealthy patrons.
Doesn't sound too terrible does it?
Well, that all depends on who shows up. And what they're driving...
Volvo decided to have a bit of fun with the casino's newest valet and give him the task of parking a super-sized truck discreetly round the back.
After all, under the hood it's got the engine of a sports car, so why not?
Everything in this video was filmed with hidden cameras and our poor valet's reaction to his latest parking job is priceless.
We just hope he didn't scratch any of the other cars, trying to parallel park it into the bay. Sports car paint can be pretty pricey...
Join the conversation on Twitter: #thecasino http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1n7rSkN
You've changed into your crisp white jacket, polished your shiny gold buttons and are looking forward to a night of parking ridiculously expensive sports cars on behalf of the casino's wealthy patrons.
Doesn't sound too terrible does it?
Well, that all depends on who shows up. And what they're driving...
Volvo decided to have a bit of fun with the casino's newest valet and give him the task of parking a super-sized truck discreetly round the back.
After all, under the hood it's got the engine of a sports car, so why not?
Everything in this video was filmed with hidden cameras and our poor valet's reaction to his latest parking job is priceless.
We just hope he didn't scratch any of the other cars, trying to parallel park it into the bay. Sports car paint can be pretty pricey...
Join the conversation on Twitter: #thecasino http://ift.tt/eA8V8J
from UK Comedy - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1n7rSkN
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